


Die Young, Stay Pretty

by teaandtumblr



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Again, BDSM, Baker Harry, M/M, Past Cheating, Perrie also cameos, Punk AU, Punk Niall, Student Harry, and thats about it, ed sheeran turns up, hairdresser zayn, liam is lovable, maybe? - Freeform, skater louis, sort of, who is also a hairdresser, zayn likes to get tied up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-08 19:15:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7769824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaandtumblr/pseuds/teaandtumblr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn is happy being a hairdresser who minds his own business; that is, until someone called "Liam" has to come in, dragging his friend on the back of a bet. And, really, Zayn didn't stand a chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back again! This has been sitting on my computer for ages but I can never get the motivation to finish it so I'm hoping that by posting it I'll guilt myself into writing more. Oops.

 

  
  


 

Zayn hated Anna.

Okay, that wasn’t true…most days. But Zayn hated Anna when she asked him to open the salon at 10:30 on a _Saturday morning_ when he never did _anything_ before 1 P.M. usually. It was to “handle the clients”, she had said.

Zayn looked around once more.

Well, it was now 11:30, Niall had rocked up fifty minutes late, not even bothering with an excuse, and the only person in the store was Louis…And Louis wasn’t even a customer. No, Louis worked at the skate shop upstairs and five doors down but had a habit of popping in whenever he wasn’t busy and was bored. Which was always. How he convinced his boss to pay him was something Zayn thought better left unasked.

Louis had just turned up one day on his way to work when he’d stopped and stuck his head in long enough to yell out how “ _fucking sick!_ ” Zayn’s hair was. Niall had been thrilled for hours, considering he’d _just_ convinced Zayn to lose the long hair and reluctantly allow him to shave the sides and back. Why Zayn had let Niall, who had only been training in the salon a _month_ , anywhere _near_ his hair was a mystery to this day but it had set up the habit of them waving to Louis, and then Louis becoming a near permanent fixture. And hey, if he had a tendency of giving Zayn little heads up on the latest skate gear or discounts on the side – like the time Zayn had seen Louis blatantly write a delivery of three new sets of wheels while passing the fourth onto Zayn – who was he to complain? And Louis got his hair done for free in return whenever he wanted, as well as cups of tea whenever he popped in, so it was all fair in the end.

Louis was currently lounged on the chair used for washing client’s hair, one leg folded over the other with his phone held up over his face but Zayn didn’t see the need to tell him to move. Like he’d said, they were fucking _empty_ and he was _not_ going to let that go. Niall had already assured Zayn he would help him hide Anna’s body if it came to that on Monday. Niall who was pushing himself back and forth across the store on one of their stools while sucking on a lollypop.

“You choke on that and you’ll die ‘cause I was laughing too hard to help,” Zayn chided, mindlessly scrolling down facebook, elbows resting on the counter.

There then came movement from the door and Zayn looked up, blinking at the newcomers. They were fussing at the door, two young men about his age, the bulkier of the two seemingly trying to urge the taller one inside.

“Come _on_ Harry,” he whined. “You _promised_.”

The longer haired one, who Zayn assumed to be Harry, shot his friend one last scowl before coming in. “Fine Liam.”

“You two got a question?” Zayn drawled, making both Louis and Niall spin around, desperate for a break from the monotony.

Liam, if he’d heard correctly, stepped forward, eyeing Zayn up before turning back to Harry. “Come on, look at his hair mate.”

Zayn blinked. Yes, it was hot pink at the moment but he didn’t think it was worth actually saying out loud.

“You know they’re gonna do a good job when their own hair looks _that_ good.”

Niall preened, niggling Louis in the ribs with glee. Zayn gave it to him, Niall had done a great job. Tapping the diary on the counter though to re-capture Liam’s attention, Zayn raised his eyebrows. “You want something other than to compliment my hair because that’s usually saved for bars and clubs if I’m honest.”

Harry laughed loudly as Liam went pink, scowling at him. “No, um…” Liam pointed at Harry. “He lost a bet and the deal was he has to dye his hair, like proper and not that wash-out stuff.”

Harry shut up pretty quickly at that but Zayn wanted to slam his head into the counter. Great. One of _them_. Fucking hell, could his day get any _worse?_ But with the salon so blindingly empty he couldn’t say anything other than yes. “Okay,” he said, pushing himself into an upright position. “What colour were you thinking?” He rounded the counter, taking one of Harry’s curls in his fingers, frowning. “You do realise I’m going to have bleach the fuck – excuse my language – out of this first?”

“Yeah, I know,” Harry mumbled, toeing at the floor. “And it were Liam’s choice.”

Zayn bit back a sigh. “Well alright.” He glanced at Liam. “Colour?”

“I was thinking blue,” he said, grinning broadly.

“No way in hell,” Niall replied adamantly, Louis nodding along like he had any clue what they were talking about.

“Yeah,” Zayn said under Liam and Harry’s curious looks. “Uni student, right Harry?” He nodded. “And you’ll dye it blue and have it wash out by the end of summer?” he guessed, leading Harry to a chair and going to find a smock and a towel.

“That was the plan,” Harry admitted.

Zayn tutted. “Vol 40 please Niall,” he instructed, the blond scampering away to mix up the bleach while Zayn unceremoniously shoved Louis off his chair. “Come sit here, I need to wash your hair.”

“I already washed it,” Harry started to protest, silencing under Zayn’s stern frown. Louis had always said he looked intimidating with his tattoos and sharp glare. Good to know he was right. “Sorry,” Harry said meekly as he lay down. “Guess you know what you’re doing, right?”

“I’d hope so,” Zayn chuckled, sending Harry a smile to let him know he wasn’t mad. “But please think of a different colour,” he requested as he waited for the tap to get to the right temperature.

“Can I ask why?” Liam interjected, sitting on the bench now, Louis by his side and passing him a cuppa. “I mean, it’s just blue.”

Zayn shook his head, hearing Niall come back up the stairs with the bowl of bleach. “Niall,” he called, “Please tell Liam and Harry why we can’t do blue.”

Niall froze mid-step, knowing Zayn was quizzing him, testing to see if he knew _why_ the answer was “no” rather than just knowing that “no” _was_ the answer. “Um…cause hair dye colours are all different but they each come from a warm or cold colour base…” Zayn nodded encouragingly. “And green is the cold base, red the warm…if you dye your hair blue, the blue fades really fast but it’ll go green and stay green. You can’t bleach it out again or even dye it brown or another colour. You have to…cut it off.”

Running his hands through Harry’s long curls one last time, Zayn peered up at Niall. “Do I?”

Niall squeaked before furiously stammering out, “Um…no…? You…uh, I can…No, you can dye it black!”

Zayn grinned proudly, patting Niall’s cheek as he passed before sitting Harry back in the chair and meeting his gaze in the mirror. “Do you want to go back to uni with black hair?”

He shook his head quickly, Zayn smirking before turning around to Liam. “So…what am I subjecting him to instead?”

Liam shrugged uncertainly. “What _can_ you do?”

“Purple, a nice canary yellow-” Harry squawked in protest, “-could make him ginger, or silver even?”

“I can do gold,” Niall piped up.

“Yes you can,” Zayn agreed, “Niall’s great at gold actually. I’m shit at it.” He then hesitated, brush poised above Harry’s head. “Last chance to say no. Louis can take out Liam and hide you in his basement if you want?”

“Nah,” Harry said, giving a nervous smile. “A deal’s a deal. Let me have it.”

Zayn shrugged once, starting to paint the bleach on. “It might burn, let me know if it does, but I tend to find this one more feels like it’s bubbling on your skin? It’s a weird sensation but you’ll get what I mean when you feel it.”

They slipped into silence after that, Liam now looking more regretful than Harry, making Zayn mentally roll his eyes because ‘ _should have thought of that sooner’_. He still hadn’t picked a colour but they had nearly an hour for him to reach a decision so Zayn didn’t mind. At ten past twelve a customer actually arrived, Zayn excusing himself to find out what they wanted before allocating the task to Niall. Niall bounced away and within two minutes every doubt the woman had had about having her hair done by someone lathered in tattoos was completely erased from her mind, Niall listening raptly as she prattled on about her family. Zayn smiled proudly, mentally noting that only the barest tips of Niall’s hair had a greenish tinge. Zayn gave it a week before it was gone completely.

“Alright,” he said, stepping away and pulling off his gloves. “We’ll put forty-five on the clock. Louis can make you a tea, if you want?”

Harry nodded and Zayn frowned when no objection was made by Louis. Looking over his shoulder, Zayn’s eyebrows shot up as he saw how red Louis’ ears were despite his back being turned. Ah, okay then. Leaving them to it, Zayn did a cursory walk by Niall, making one minor adjustment before dropping down next to Liam, setting his ankle atop his knee.

“Can I ask what the bet was?”

Liam almost looked startled at being drawn into conversation, scrambling to keep up before replying, “Oh! Um…well, I…Okay, fine, I…I had this girlfriend and I was miserable every time I was around her but we’d been together like three years-” Zayn whistled lowly, “-so I kind of thought I’d put so much time in that I may as well keep at it, you know? But Harry told me to dump her. I said I would but…it’s been eight months since I said that. Told me he’d dye his hair if I did. So…” Liam shrugged, looking down at his lap sheepishly. “I didn’t break up with her _because_ of that…But it was kind of the push I needed. I would have let Harry off except I…well, I came out to my family too so…”

Zayn choked on his coffee, hastily setting the mug down as he hacked into his hands. “Whoa, okay! _Jesus_ , hit them with everything at once. My hat off to you.”

Liam smiled shyly. “Thanks. They were great with it, confused I think, but great. But I feel like I’m still coming to terms with it so…”

“Eh, you have time to learn what you like,” Zayn said with a wave of his hand. “Trial and error, that sort of stuff.” He glanced at the time…and also at where Louis had since propped himself next to Harry and was merrily talking away. “And maybe it’s just me, but I think that warrants a cashing in on the bet.”

“Oh god, it was such a stupid bet,” Liam groaned, burying his head in his hands. “I can’t believe he went through with it. I mean, I wanted him to but…”

“It’ll be fine,” Zayn told him, “Besides, it’s only hair. It grows back. Personally, I’d go with a dusky purple. Not pastel but close, with a grey tinge, yeah?”

Liam held up his hands. “Please don’t ask me. I couldn’t do _art_ let alone hair. Speaking of…” His dark eyes flickered up to Zayn’s hair. “Didn’t you say red doesn’t wash out? Like, yours is pink but…pink’s like red, isn’t it?”

Zayn nodded, tugging on the strands thoughtfully. “It is. To be honest, I was just going to have Niall cut it all off. It’ll go like a candy floss pink and then I’ll let him hack away at it.”

Liam looked borderline distressed. “But it’s so long! You’ll lose so much.”

Zayn laughed, pinching Liam’s cheek lightly as he got to his feet. The pout he got in return made his chest fill with warmth. “It’s alright babe. I’m used to losing my hair.” Coming back to Harry, Zayn added some more bleach to a couple of spots that were stubbornly staying orange before turning to Louis, deciding to make his day – one way or another. “Five more minutes Lou’ and then you can wash it out. Use the conditioner with the wolf on it, yeah? Tepid water, not hot.”

Louis gaped at him but Zayn was already winking and zipping away. He spent a few minutes with Niall, looking across the store once to find that Louis really _was_ washing Harry’s hair, being so infinitely careful it was adorable. He chatted away with Niall’s customer, laughing along at her stories and wishing her well after she paid. Niall gaped when he saw Louis, poking Zayn in the side scoldingly before grabbing the colours Zayn requested. “Shame on you Malik,” he whispered in passing, Zayn merely grinning. Hey, if Louis wanted to play pretend to impress random hipster #257, Zayn was really only helping.

“How’s it going Lou’?” he asked as he approached, Louis glaring at him. Zayn bumped his hands away, running his own hands through and making sure every last bit of bleach was gone.

“You’re rough,” Harry complained, apparently before he even thought about it if the way he blushed immediately after speaking was anything to go by.

Zayn laughed loudly, switching the tap off and nudging Harry up. “Maybe I just like it rough. Hair-pulling not a turn on for you?” he teased, watching Harry go bright red. “Not everyone’s thing, I suppose. Now, Liam and I have decided on purple. Alright with you?”

Harry faltered midway through sitting down. “P-purple?”

“Not like bright purple,” Zayn promised. “A softer, dustier one.”

“Like what I wanted,” Niall sulked, passing Zayn the dye with a pout.

Zayn knew the feeling. He hated when customers asked for the _exact_ colour he wanted _just_ before he did it. He usually ended up changing it on principle. He squeezed Niall’s shoulder in consolation though. “Nah man, you wanted lilac. This isn’t that. One week Ni’, just wait one more week!”

Niall whooped and disappeared, Zayn chuckling as he started colouring Harry’s hair. Harry sent Liam off to get lunch at one point, Louis ducking off as well – probably to actually do work – although he whispered in Zayn’s ear for him to text him the minute Harry was done. Swatting him away, the kiss Zayn gave to his cheek was promise enough and he sat next to Harry when he was done, feet tired in his too heavy boots. He really should buy new shoes – he’d been thinking it for months.

Harry was alright, Zayn supposed. He was a nice guy, funny in a quirky, dopey kind of way but they couldn’t really find any similar hobbies to chat about. They had very different tastes and that’s all it was. Harry could have been the nicest person on earth and Zayn still wouldn’t have felt a spark with him. He was struggling to grasp at topics and working himself towards an anxiety induced headache after merely fifteen minutes.

Finally, finally, Liam returned just as the timer was going off, Zayn giving Harry’s hair its final rinse. Drying his hair, Zayn stepped away, tapping out a text as he did so while Harry took in his new appearance. “Am I now your least favourite person in the world?”

“No…” Harry said, carefully toying with his hair. “I mean…it’s different and I, like, I’m not quite sure it’s registered yet but…It _looks_ great. Like, you did a fantastic job, _really_.”

Zayn folded his arms across his chest, not saying anything but he _knew_ the message in the words. Yes, it was exactly what he had asked for. But no, he didn’t like. And, frankly, that wasn’t Zayn’s fault. Stupid bets yielded stupid results. Louis burst back in the store then, stumbling to a stop when he saw Harry before exploding, gushing about how magical he looked and how cool and he managed to wrangle a smile out of Harry so that was a plus. Making for the till, Zayn frowned when he saw Liam already there, card in his hand.

“ _You’re_ paying?”

He shrugged. “My bet.”

Zayn eyed him up apprehensively. “Yeah, but still, that’s a shit ton of money you’re going to be paying. Sure you don’t want to go halves?”

“I’m sure.”

Zayn held his hands up. “Fair enough. It’s your funeral.” He ran the card, handing it back and about to go and tidy up his area when he realised Liam was still standing there watching him. “Yes?”

Liam’s gaze flicked over his face one last time before he gave Zayn a challenging look. Zayn returned it eagerly. This was a game he liked. “So,” Liam started, “You know I’m Liam, and you know he’s Harry…” He then pointed to their right. “Louis. Niall. And yet I’ve been here two hours and don’t know your name.”

Zayn smirked. “How odd.” He then passed one of the salon cards over to Harry as he passed, eyes dancing as they met Liam’s. “Guess you’ll have to come back and find out.” Liam’s jaw dropped, Zayn waving at him innocently. “Bye Leeyum!”

Liam’s eyes hardened and Zayn cackled, hands clapping together in glee. This was going to be so much fun.

 

***

 

It turned out to be not so fun because Liam never came back. Zayn admitted to moping about that a couple of times. Niall had dragged him out of his room one day when he’d been sulkily throwing paint at a canvas – literally, he was just grabbing globs of it and throwing it on – and told him to get over it. He’d known Liam two hours and what the fuck had he been expecting? Niall was right but that didn’t mean Zayn was happy about it. He’d at least been pegging on Liam calling the salon and trying to wring a name out of him. He hadn’t. Not even once.

Folding down the last foil, Zayn sent his client a dazzling smile and gave her a time of half an hour. He passed her a tea and fished his phone charger out of his bag when he saw her slump down at the ‘ _low battery’_ warning on her screen. She’d thanked him profusely as he’d unplugged the hairdryer to plug in her phone but Zayn had waved her off, assuring her he was more than aware of how boring sitting around doing nothing was.

Running the towels down to the washer, Zayn was jogging back up the stairs when he heard Anna say into the phone, “Pink hair? I’m guessing that would have been Zayn then…Yes, he’s here.” Zayn froze as Anna’s eyes met his. “I’ll put him on.”

Zayn frowned, taking the handset before quickly covering the mouth piece. “Who is it?” he hissed.

Anna shrugged. “Someone called Harry. Asked for you specifically. Why don’t you ever pass your name onto your clients? So inconvenient.”

Screwing up his face at his boss’ back, Zayn couldn’t help the little swoop of excitement as he placed the phone to his ear because Harry meant _Liam_. “Hello, this is Zayn. How can I help?”

“ _Zayn…_ ” Harry’s voice was exactly as he remembered, thick and drawling, clearly testing out the new name. “ _Hi. Been awhile._ ”

“It has,” Zayn agreed, pretending to be scribbling in the appointment book. “Any reason you’re calling me? Wanted to go black after all? Uni about to go back?”

_“It is.”_

Zayn grunted, having seen that coming. “And…?”

He could hear Harry shuffling on the other end. “ _And, like, my hair’s not purple anymore – thanks for that, by the way, I think my sister nearly murdered me she liked it so much._ ” Zayn huffed out a laugh. “ _Um, yeah, but it’s still blond and…I don’t_ like _being blond.”_

“I can colour over it,” Zayn said easily. “That’s not a problem. I can make it brown again, you’ll be fine. When did you want to come in?”

There was a pause, Zayn’s eyebrows knitting together. “ _Actually…_ ”

“Yes…?”

_“…I wanted to cut it off.”_

Zayn blinked, removing the pen from between his teeth. “Sorry, repeat that.”

“ _My hair, I want it cut_ ,” Harry said in a rush, like if he didn’t he’d be too scared and back down. “ _Start the year fresh, cut it all off. Really short. Like…like Louis’, yeah? Maybe even shorter?”_

“Fuck.”

“I heard that Zayn, you can stay behind and do inventory,” Anna snapped as she walked past, Zayn flinching. “That mouth doesn’t belong in this shop.”

“ _Oops,_ ” Harry sounded apologetic and Zayn felt his cheeks flame. He felt like a kid getting scolded by their parents in front of their friends. “ _I didn’t mean to get you in trouble…?_ ”

“’s fine,” Zayn sighed, whimsically glancing at the inventory stock list before the timer above his client, hissing. “Dammit, I’ve got to go. But yes, I can do that but _only_ if you’re sure Harry. And I know it sounds odd but _please_ bring a friend-” His swerve around the name ‘ _Liam_ ’ was expert in his opinion. “Making a severe change like that takes a surprising amount out of your emotionally. Don’t come alone, alright?”

“ _Okay…_ ” Harry sounded unsure but he gave Zayn a time, Zayn scribbling it down before hanging up.

He then jogged back to his client, clucking proudly when he undid one of the foils. “Look at that, just what we wanted to see! Let’s wash it out and get you out of this chair, yeah?”

 

***

 

_“Surf, Skate, Ski this is Louis.”_

“Oi fuckwit, Harry-with-the-long-hair is gonna be here in twenty.”

Louis moaned on the other end, the corner of Zayn’s mouth quirking up into a smile. “ _I’m_ working _Zee…”_

Zayn snorted. Like that had ever stopped him before. “Alright. Oh, and he’s cutting it all off.”

_“Wha-?!”_

Zayn hung up as Louis’ screech echoed down the line, pocketing his phone and making his way upstairs. Anna was busy with her own client, a 30th if he remembered correctly, and Niall was not so subtly hiding around the corner. Despite his cocksure attitude, not even _Niall_ was immune to the primitive sense of fear that came with being alone with their boss. Zayn understood completely – he’d been working here three _years_ and he was still more scared of her than he would like to admit…Although Zayn put that more down to the fact that she took her bad moods out on them and worked them into ground while dishing out unfair punishments for menial things.

“Hey Nialler,” Zayn said, flopping onto the ground below where Niall was sitting on a counter, the blond’s feet settling on his shoulders. “Alright?”

Niall hummed, Zayn tilting his head back so he could see his face. The purple hair had only just been retouched, Zayn having done it first thing that morning while Niall did his hair silver. It had actually been quite fun, one of them bleaching the other’s hair before swapping places so the other could take their turn at doing the bleaching. Silver and purple, they could almost make some sort of weird galaxy theme, Zayn thought absently as he heard voices from the doorway. Pushing himself up before Anna could come looking for them, he grinned at…well, he would say Harry and Liam but truthfully it was only Liam.

“You took my advice and brought a friend,” Zayn said, addressing Harry after shamelessly checking Liam out, Liam looking unsure as to whether he should return the favour or run.

Harry chuckled nervously. “Yeah, thought it were for the best.”

“You make a _terrible_ blond,” Niall said bluntly, leaning around the corner and chewing his gum with loud smacks.

 _“Niall!”_ Anna scolded.

“It’s alright,” Harry said, stepping in and consequently missing Niall’s relieved look. “I knew it when I did. It was a stupid dare and these ones are going to help me fix it.”

Anna was powerless under his smile and Zayn swallowed down the acid in his throat. As if _he_ hadn’t been trying to do that for years. “Ah, well Zayn is very good.”

Liam’s eyebrows shot up at the name “ _Zayn_ ”, Zayn making no effort to hide his displeasure because hey, Harry had obviously been aware of the rules and hadn’t tattled to Liam but his stupid, fucking boss _had_.

“My boy will treat you right.”

Forcing a smile at Anna, Zayn dropped it the second she looked away, catching Liam’s perplexed look out of the corner of his eye. He sat Harry back in the same chair as last time, hands cupping his shoulders and squeezing gently. “How short are you thinking?”

“I already said,” Harry grumbled, eyes on his lap.

Zayn guided his chin up with a finger, locking their gazes in the mirror. “I know you did but I want to hear it again, _now_ , before I do anything you can’t take back. I can dye it brown again, that’s no problem. I can fit that in.”

Harry hesitated before firmly shaking his head. “No. I want what I said.” He pulled out his phone, going to the camera roll and flipping through a couple of photos. “Like this, okay? This short and, like, so I can style it like that.”

Zayn took the offered phone, squinting at the screen and zooming in a couple of times. “Alright,” he said, handing it back with a shrug. “It’s up to you but…It’ll grow back. Okay? Remember that Harry. It will always grow back.”

Harry smiled at him tightly, briefly clasping Zayn’s hand. “Thank you.”

Zayn slipping the smock around Harry’s shoulders synced perfectly with Anna taking her lunch break, saying she had to stop by the bank on the way back which _fuck yes_. Right on cue, the second she left, Louis popped in, all smiles and cheer.

“Harold!” he called loudly, dropping into the chair next to him and propping his felt up in his lap.

“ _Louis_ ,” Zayn barked, going to hit him when Harry caught him by the wrist.

“I don’t mind,” he assured, cheeks slightly pink and oh god, they were as bad as each other. Harry then smiled at Louis brightly. “Just back from lunch then?”

Louis froze and Zayn hid a snicker behind his hand. Niall rolled his eyes before heading off to clean Anna’s station. As Louis reeled off some lie or another – and why didn’t he just own up to the fact that he didn’t work here? – Zayn dragged his cart over, swearing loudly when his scissors fell on the ground.

“Go home,” Niall called from across the room. “Go home and start again Zayn.”

“I wish,” he sighed, staring at the scissors glumly before tossing them in the bin. He’d really liked those ones. Finding a new set by the kettle, Zayn undid the packaging before coming over, blinking when he found Harry’s hand to actually be raised in air. “Um…yes?”

“Isn’t throwing them out a bit dramatic?”

Zayn shook his head. “Not supposed to use them after they’ve been dropped. They’re never quite the same and can give wonky cuts.” He patted Harry’s head. “You don’t want that.”

Harry smiled languidly. “No, I don’t. So…” he took a deep breath. “This is it?”

“This is it,” Zayn agreed. Even so, he hesitated before making the first cut. Harry strangled down a whimper but Zayn still cringed. Louis was jumping in with assurances, Liam also briskly walking to Harry’s side, crouching down next to him and passing on encouragement. It didn’t take Zayn too long, cutting away curl after curl. The transformation was pretty amazing, really, Niall coming over to join at one point out of pure fascination but Zayn knew Harry was going to take awhile to get over it. “It’s a lot,” he breathed when he was done, propping his chin atop Harry’s head. “It’s a big change but you did really well Harry.”

Harry sniffed. “Feel like crying. Which is stupid.”

“Nah, it’s not,” Niall countered. “I dyed me hair black once. Cried three times before begging Zayn to bleach it, make it blond again. Burnt half me scalp off doing it but you can cry.”

“Zayn said I’d get emotional,” Harry choked out. “Thought he was just being dramatic, thinking I was sensitive like but…”

“Harry,” Louis cooed, even as Liam was handing him a tissue. “Zaynie’s not like that. He’s a giant teddy bear in a studded leather jacket, trying to look tough even though he’s anything but.”

“Fuck you,” Zayn spat, approaching the colour rack and selecting a few. He compared them against Harry’s regrowth, picking one out and asking Niall to put the rest back. “Still gotta dye the ends though, yeah?”

“Please,” Harry begged, tugging on the blond tips.

“Niall?”

Niall was happy enough to do so, Zayn moving away to have a sit down, supressing a smile when Liam came to stand in front of him. “Hello Zayn.”

“Mmm, hi Liam.” He then frowned at him. “And sorry, but that shitty haircut is not allowed in my salon.” Liam’s hands flew to his buzzcut. “You’re not fifteen, you don’t look tough. Who did that? And, more importantly, why didn’t you ask _me?_ I gave Harry my card.”

Liam sheepishly rubbed at his head. “I…it were just easy, right? And I…I won’t ever do what you and Niall have and I…Thought it was a bit stupid me coming in here for just a trim?”

Zayn rolled his eyes, shifting his legs so there was room for Liam to drop down beside him. He sent Liam a lazy grin. “You do realise this is a hairdresser? I am actually obligated to cut the hair of _anyone_ who walks in my door? You could want a single hair fixed and I’d still do it. I mean, you’d be wasting your money but hey…” he lightly tapped Liam’s head. “At least then I wouldn’t be subjected to…this.”

“Is it _really_ so horrible?” Liam asked, sounding so dejected Zayn kicked himself.

“No,” he reluctantly mumbled, stroking his head much more tenderly this time. “It does, somehow, actually suit you but I liked it better before, you know? I sort of have a thing for undercuts, if you couldn’t tell,” he said, running his hand across his own hair.

“I like the silver,” Liam said, tentatively inching a hand up. Zayn took pity on him, pressing his head into Liam’s palm. “Huh. I…For some reason I thought it would be bristly.”

Zayn laughed. “Only if you don’t look after it! I take _excellent_ care of my hair. Wouldn’t be able to justify working here if I didn’t.”

Liam shifted to face him more fully. “How long _have_ you been working here?”

Zayn eyed him up. “Alright moving into small talk are we Liam?” Liam blushed and Zayn chuckled, stretching his legs out and crossing his ankles. “Nah, I’ve been here nearly three years; three years in October, actually.”

“I thought you were the owner first time I came in,” Liam admitted. “But then that lady…”

Zayn scowled. “Yes, Anna.”

“You don’t like her.”

“No I don’t.” He started rattling off in his fingers. “Comes in whenever she wants, always overbooks me and Niall, we rarely get out on time, she never does the Saturday shift.”

“Ease up Zayner,” Louis chided as he fossicked through the sweets jar on the bench, lobbing one to Niall before passing another onto Harry.

“It’s not _you_ that has to stay behind,” Zayn growled.

“Yes, but you’re not doing a good job of reflecting the company. Harry and Liam won’t come back if you keep painting the business as you are.”

Zayn knew it was true, hunkering down and decidedly keeping his mouth shut. Louis turned somewhat guilty and tried to bribe him with a sweet but Zayn merely batted him away. Niall ended up seating himself on the arm of the bench, curling himself around Zayn and snuggling into his neck. Zayn softened then, playfully scratching at Niall’s scalp.

“He’s _my_ boss,” Niall declared, smacking his lips against Zayn’s cheek.

Zayn chuckled, pushing him away. “And as your boss, I’m telling you you forgot to set Harry’s timer and he needs the dye washed out now.”

_“Shit!”_

Niall all but threw himself off the chair, scampering back to Harry’s side and unapologetically pushing Louis away. Zayn laughed at the resulting kerfuffle, Liam’s gaze boring into the side of his face. “What?”

“Think you’d be a cool boss,” Liam eventually mumbled shyly.

Zayn snorted. “Yeah, I’m not. But I keep everyone in line when Anna’s not here and we haven’t burnt down yet so I guess I’m not _so_ terrible. Niall’s my little student, I’m proud of him.”

“And Louis?”

Louis’ head whipped up but Zayn merely grinned at him. “Louis is something else entirely.”

Liam took that however he wanted and Louis breathed a sigh of relief, flashing Zayn a thumbs up. Zayn tapped Liam’s hand, re-capturing his attention.

“What about you?” he said in reply to Liam’s silent question. “What do you do? Harry’s at uni, so are you?” His lips then pursed in thought. “You must be younger than I thought.”

Liam shook his head. “Nearly twenty-three. Harry’s doing a double degree, which is why he’s back this year but I…uh,” Liam’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I failed a couple of classes so had to come back and do another year.”

“Hey, no shame in that,” Zayn remarked, clucking his tongue. “And besides, I never even got accepted so you’re better than me. Did, like, beauty college and that’s it. Niall too. But he’s still a trainee so he’s got a second job to make ends meet.”

“Oh fuck, speaking of,” Niall yelled over the sound of rushing water, finishing up with Harry’s shampoo and moving to the conditioner, “Do you know they moved me from bar to shots tonight? Fuckers have me finishing at four.”

Zayn winced. “Ouch Ni’.” He glanced at the time. “Tell you what, client book’s empty for this afternoon so how about you skip lunch and just head home? Take a nap before your second shift?”

Niall grinned in thanks, whining when Louis insisted he wanted to wash Harry’s hair.

“Boys, play nice!” Zayn’s voice had them flying apart, his focus then returning to Liam. “And what do you do? Just uni or…?”

“I was,” Liam confessed, “But…think I need a job this year. I don’t have many classes so I figured I might as well. There aren’t that many jobs going though. I mean, a couple at Tescos and that but…” he spread his hands. “I’m twenty-three-”

“Nearly.”

Liam pouted at him. “It just…feels like a stupid job for an adult, doesn’t it?”

“ _No_ ,” Zayn snapped. “Sounds like you’re trying to _earn money_. Doesn’t matter how you do it Liam. A job’s a job.”

Liam’s eyes widened at the sharpness of his tone and Zayn buried his head in his hands, muttering out apologies, knowing he’d lost his temper. “Is that something I shouldn’t ask about?” Liam hedged.

“No, it’s nothing,” Zayn sighed. “Only…Let’s just say hairdressing wasn’t what my parents had in mind for their only son and leave it at that, okay?”

Liam had the grace to look, of all things, sympathetic. “Oh Zayn.”

Zayn shook him off. “Whatever, it’s fine. But seriously Liam, do whatever it is in life that makes you happy, regardless of what other people think.”

“I will.”

It sounded oddly like a promise. Zayn eyed Liam up for a moment longer before nodding at where Harry was sitting getting his hair blow-dried. “And him? He work?”

Liam went uncharacteristically still, like a deer caught in the headlights. Zayn couldn’t help the sly smile that formed on his face, Liam hastily looking around before saying, voice hushed. “I mean…I probably shouldn’t tell but Harry, like, he bakes for the students but…Okay, he makes cookies and brownies stuffed with weed and sells them.”

Zayn made his eyes go comically wide. “Fucking hell! Louis, Niall, we gotta call the cops! Harry does… _the marijuana_.”

Liam slapped his shoulder. Niall cracked up laughing while Louis demanded an explanation, looking a little _too_ interested if Zayn was honest. Eh, who was he kidding? He’d probably be hitting Harry up within the next week or two himself. It had been awhile since he’d gotten high off anything other than a spliff.

Seemingly all too soon Harry was done. Zayn whistled, impressed. Harry kept looking in the mirror self-consciously, constantly going to play with hair that simply wasn’t there anymore, but that would stop soon enough. Taking Harry to the till while Liam gathered his things, Zayn rung up the price before sliding Harry a card. Harry’s eyes lit up when Zayn told him what it was for, scribbling something out before Zayn took it back, tucking the card into his back pocket just as Liam arrived. Liam must have caught the tail-end of the gesture but Zayn sent him a look that plain as day told him he would be getting zero explanation no matter how much he tried. Poking his tongue out, Liam left with Harry. Zayn waved him off with a smile.

Oh, and with his number tucked away in his pocket. Thanks Harry.

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it so far - please let me know what you thought :) .xx Dan


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who left comments on the last chapter! :) A little fun with Zayn and Liam here ;)

 

“Your flat stinks!”

Zayn sent his eyes skyward, muttering a prayer even as he kept stirring everything in the pan. “Sorry my “exotic” cooking doesn’t meet your cracker-white standards.”

Louis’ head poked around the corner of the kitchen, glaring at him. “I can _hear_ the sarcasm in your voice Zee.” He then practically shoved his face over the stove, yelping when a bit of sauce chose that very moment to fly at him. “ _Jesus Christ!_ ” he yelled even as Zayn was laughing. “You got enough of that to go around?”

“Yep,” Zayn said, grabbing his rotis from the microwave and slapping them on a plate. “But I’m not sharing with you. There’s pasta in the fridge. Reheat that.”

Louis kicked the back of his knee with a foot, making Zayn’s leg give momentarily. “ _Why?_ Wanna share with _you_.”

Zayn snorted, grabbing a fork and a spoon. “No you don’t.” He pointed at his dish. “Vindaloo.”

Louis went pale. “Is that the one…?”

“That was so hot you puked? Yep.” Zayn thought perhaps he delivered that a little too cheerily, Louis stomping over to the fridge in defeat.

“Alright, alright, I’ll eat the pasta.”

Waiting for Louis to microwave his food, Zayn then plopped down onto the couch, Louis joining him and flipping the tv on. They left it on whatever channel came up first, more interested in their food than the entertainment.

“Did you get Harry’s number?” Zayn asked as he polished off a spoon of rice.

Louis looked like he was attempting to send Zayn to hell by looks alone. “No, I didn’t. And you can’t fucking say a word about it Malik because I didn’t see _you_ getting your precious Liam’s – don’t think I didn’t see what was going on there!”

“Didn’t see enough then,” Zayn drawled, scrounging through his pocket and pulling out the card.

Louis snatched it off him, eyes wide. “No way! No fucking way!”

Zayn took it back before Louis could damage it in some way. “Okay, so maybe I asked Harry but still…a number’s a number.”

“And that’s all it’ll ever be,” Louis scoffed, snorting at Zayn’s pout. “Please. You’ll never act on it. You never do. I don’t even have enough fingers to demonstrate how many people’s numbers you’ve gotten over the past six months,” Louis remarked casually. “I do, however, have _more_ than enough to show how many you _actually_ followed through on.”

It was true. Zayn hadn’t had more than a hookup in months. And by hookup, he meant a club bathroom and nothing further. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone home with someone.

Okay, he _could_ , but that had been Adrien and that had gone so, so wrong.

Liam though…

Zayn cautiously pushed his food around his plate, not meeting Louis’ gaze. “I reckon I _would_ call Liam though. He seems like a nice guy.”

“You know what they say about “nice guys”,” Louis droned.

“Harry seems nice,” Zayn pointed out, if only to see Louis blush.

“Cheap shot,” Louis muttered, polishing off the last of his dinner before taking Zayn’s plate for him. “And hey, if he comes back a third time, I’ll get his number. Deal? Third time’s a charm and what have you.”

Zayn saluted. “Holding you to that.”

“More than you’ll ever do,” Louis sang before heading down to the bathroom.

Glaring after his friend, Zayn glanced at the time before making a split-second decision and bolting down to his room. New hair always gave Zayn a confidence boost and checking out his reflection, he wasn’t going to deny that he liked what he saw. Which was probably why he grabbed his phone and pressed down on the number he’d already entered.

_“Hello? Liam Payne speaking.”_

Zayn couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you twenty-three or a middle-aged man?”

There was a long pause. “ _Wait, are you…Zayn?_ ”

“The one and only.”

_“How…How do you have my number?”_

“Harry was kind enough to provide it,” Zayn supplied, shucking off his shirt and finding a tank that better showed off his arms. “How I got your number aside, do you have any plans for tonight?”

_“Um, no?”_

“Would you _like_ to have plans?”

Liam’s breath hitched and Zayn let a wan smile creep across his face. “ _Are you…Is this a date?_ ”

Zayn rolled his eyes. “Mmm, not so much. I was more going to suggest drinks at a bar, maybe some drunken dancing, not a romantic dinner but…Well, what do you classify as a date?”

Louis must have heard that last part, all but falling through his door, eyes wide and disbelieving. “Who are you on the phone to? Oh my god, is it _Liam?_ Are you actually-”

“Louis, shut up,” Zayn growled, batting him away and shoving a finger his ear so he could hear Liam’s response. And no, he didn’t blush at Liam’s soft laugh.

_“Louis follows you even at home?”_

“Louis has no concept of personal space,” Zayn said pointedly, glaring at his so-called friend.

“ _And you’re right, maybe it’s not a date,_ ” Liam agreed, “ _But I’d love to. An hour work for you?”_

“Sounds great. I’ll text you the address. Niall’s pub.”

“ _Bring Harry!_ ” Louis screamed, Zayn hanging up before either of them knew if Liam had heard that or not. Not that it mattered because,

“ _You_ are not coming,” Zayn said firmly, stabbing Louis in the sternum with his finger. “I am going with Liam for drinks at a pub. We will get wasted and you will go to your home or find entertainment somewhere else.” Narrowing his eyes even as he slipped on his trademark leather jacket, Zayn met Louis’ gaze sternly. “Are we clear?”

Louis held up his hands. “Fine, fine, chill Malik. He’s all yours.”

Zayn nodded, tearing his gaze away as his phone went off. He made a satisfied grunt. “Looks like Harry’s not coming anyway. Liam says his mates dragged him out after finding him on the couch with a tub of ice-cream. Jesus Christ,” Zayn said with a roll of his eyes. “Get over your hair mate.”

“It was beautiful hair,” Louis defended, watching Zayn fluff his hair up a little more in the mirror. He smothered a laugh as a piece sagged down limply and Zayn’s mouth twitched in irritation. “Want me to get your product from the bathroom?”

“Stop saying “product” like it’s some new fangled invention or whatever,” Zayn huffed, but his eyes were pleading when they met his. “But yes please.”

Louis disappeared from the edge of the bedroom, quickly returning with probably every hair styling product Zayn owned – and even some of Niall’s if he was seeing correctly. Before Zayn could call him on it, Louis’ arms were suddenly around him, holding him tightly. “Uh…Lou’?”

Louis snuffled into his neck momentarily before pulling away. “Just…good luck with Liam.”

Zayn didn’t bother rolling his eyes, figured he’d done that enough this conversation already. Instead he went back to styling his hair, swooping the front up artfully. “Louis, I’m pulling the guy not _dating_ him. What’s that saying? Lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets? But, like, a dude, obviously for Liam.” He strode down to the bathroom to wash his hands. “I can hope, right?”

Louis didn’t answer immediately, looked almost disappointed. Zayn absolutely did not lower his head guiltily, making Louis sigh loudly. “Alright Zee,” he said, tugging him out of the bathroom and towards the front door. “But just remember, it’s okay for it to become more. For you to _want_ it to be more.”

Zayn very much didn’t answer that. Didn’t answer it at all.

 

***

 

_“Liam!”_

Of course Niall spotted him first, waving enthusiastically from behind the bar. Zayn grinned slowly as Liam looked almost _embarrassed_ at being addressed so publically. Which was absurd given it was a Friday night and nearly everyone inside the building was halfway towards drunk anyway. They couldn’t care less about a bartender yelling, unless it was something to do with free drinks.

“Glad you could make it,” Zayn said, pushing out the barstool next to him languidly.

“You used to people cancelling on you?” Liam asked, looking like he didn’t quite believe it.

“Not particularly,” he admitted, eyes raking over Liam, more than a little pleased with how the rolled up sleeves of his plaid shirt showed off the defined muscles of his arms. “Not gonna lie, plaid looks good on you.”

Liam laughed shortly, playfully tugging on the shoulder of Zayn’s jacket. “Can I say I’m not at all surprised you pull off a leather jacket? Completes the look.”

Zayn preened at the compliment, only jerking away from the deep brown of Liam’s eyes by a loud _clunk_ ing sound in front of them. The source of the noise turned out to be six shot glasses, Zayn raising an eyebrow at Niall. “I fucked ‘em up. Too much alcohol but if you want ‘em?”

“How much?”

“Can’t sell them so they’re on me. Just don’t tell the boss I can’t make simple shot orders.”

“My silence is bought,” Zayn assured, teasingly miming zipping his lips shut. Niall flashed him a thumbs up before dashing off. “So…” Zayn started slowly, sliding a glass to Liam. “Should we start?”

Liam picked up the glass warily. “I haven’t done shots since freshers week,” he commiserated.

Zayn laughed loudly, not unaware of how Liam was eyeing up the long line of his neck as his head was thrown back in mirth. “Well, it’s time I got you back into it!”

 

***

 

Zayn didn’t do drunk. Well he _did_ , just not when he was trying to get a lay out of his night. Vomit on shoes was nothing anyone wanted nor was passing out before sex actually happened.

Which was why he was pulling Liam back before he could hit the bar again, keeping him on the dance floor. “Stay?”

Liam hesitated, hands hovering over Zayn’s waist. They were both sweating, crushed in amongst the crowd, but Zayn wasn’t willing to let him go just yet. Liam could _dance_. That was something Zayn hadn’t had in awhile. Liam’s gaze studied his face before leaning to whisper in his ear, Zayn shivering at the stubble brushing against his cheek, “Just wanted some air, bit hot here.”

Gripping Liam’s biceps, Zayn tilted his own head. “There air in your bedroom?”

Liam sucked in a sharp breath, pulling away and nearly whimpering at Zayn’s coy smile. “ _Fuck…_ ” he whispered, hands ghosting over Zayn’s side with a little more intent this time. “Yeah? We can do that?”

“We can do that,” Zayn promised. He then dragged Liam’s lips down onto his, kissing him like he’d been wanting to do for hours. Liam, _thank god_ , seemed just as on board, kissing him desperately, like Zayn would vanish if he didn’t. Tilting his head for better access, Zayn groaned when Liam’s tongue swiped across his lips. He let him in, hands shifting to fist in the back of Liam’s shirt as his tongue mapped out the inside of his mouth. Liam’s hands were creeping lower, settling just below the waistband of his pants even as his thigh was slotting between Zayn’s legs. “Fuck,” he gasped, breaking away as Liam rubbed against him. “Liam, flat, where?”

Liam looked like he didn’t want to say, like he wanted to ravage Zayn where he stood, but Zayn wasn’t going to have that. He wasn’t going to grind against Liam on the dancefloor and then suck him off in the loos. No, he wanted Liam to fuck him and he was going to make sure he got that. He started guiding Liam out of the club, demolishing any and all protests when he casually stated,

“Want you to tie me up Liam. Pin me down while you fuck me.”

Liam’s share house, as it turned out, wasn’t far and Zayn agreed with Liam to walk it rather than wait for a taxi and ride it for all of five minutes. They didn’t hold hands on the walk back but there was certainly lots of shoulder bumping and far more touching than strictly necessary. Liam’s room was on the top floor of his shared house, something Zayn grumbled about the entire way up…right up until Liam back him into his bedroom door and growled.

“Not one more word Zayn.”

Zayn peered up at him through his lashes. “What are you going to do about it Liam? Punish me?”

Liam promptly went bright red, removing his hands so quickly it was borderline hilarious. “I-…That’s…”

“It’s alright,” Zayn murmured, stepping back into Liam’s space and kissing him chastely. “Wouldn’t make you do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Liam nodded curtly, unlocking the door and gesturing for Zayn to go first. Zayn tipped his imaginary hat at the chivalrous gesture, moving to the centre of the room and taking everything in. To be honest, it was like every other student share house he’d ever been in, although he did raise his eyebrows at the rather large Justin Timberlake poster tacked to one wall, in amongst everything else.

“Leave it,” Liam sulked, Zayn chuckling under his breath.

“Hey, you’ve got a preference. Can’t complain.”

Liam drew Zayn’s chest flush against his, hand resting in the small of his back. “Are you going to hit me if I say I reckon you complain a lot?”

“My only complaint right now is that you’re not touching me,” Zayn replied challengingly.

It did the trick. Liam’s hands went from his back to his arse like lightning and Zayn groaned as Liam squeezed, arching himself closer. “God you’re hot. It’s _insane_ ,” Liam murmured, lips moving to Zayn’s neck. Zayn let him, gasping every time Liam’s teeth scraped against his skin, burning hot as it was. He tugged at Liam’s shirt imperiously, Liam wasting no time in removing the fabric, not even pausing in his ministrations. Zayn’s jacket was next, Liam dropping it to the floor before slowly backing Zayn towards the bed.

Zayn was all too happy with the arrangement, letting his hands slip under Liam’s tee, admiring the rippling muscles underneath. Tweaking a nipple, Liam hissed, bending into his touch so deliciously. “Shirt off Li’,” Zayn ordered, a little caught off guard by how quickly he did so. Zayn didn’t really get time to admire the results though because Liam was ripping his off just as quickly before working Zayn out of his jeans. Zayn could definitely go with that. He helped push the denim down over his thighs, dropping to his knees before Liam could touch.

“ _Zayn!_ ” Liam’s voice was almost a squeak.

“Want to,” Zayn said, undoing Liam’s jeans and pushing them down just far enough that he could see the bulge in his pants. “Please,” he added, mouthing at the tip through the cotton.

“Of course,” Liam stammered, Zayn grinning wickedly before easing Liam out of his briefs. The air on his flushed cock made Liam gasp, the sound swapping to a moan as Zayn started to mouth at the tip, fingers tracing the shaft feather-lightly. “ _Zayn_ ,” Liam whined, fingers cautiously lacing in his hair.

“Keep them there,” he instructed, twisting his wrist and making Liam groan. “And pull if you want. You remember what I told Harry about being rough.” A second groan came then, but for an entirely different reason. Satisfied that Liam understood, Zayn proceeded to take him into his mouth. There was already pre-come beading at the tip, Zayn wasting no time in lapping it up, tongue dipping into the slit. Liam’s hips jerked, cock slipping further into his mouth, but Zayn only dug his fingertips warningly into Liam’s thighs when he started to apologise.

“Shit, yeah, okay, you like that,” Liam recalled, sounding very much like he was struggling for air. Flattening his tongue, Zayn started to take as much of Liam’s length as he could. He felt the moment his body wanted to gag, forcing the reflex down and taking Liam further until his nose was nestled into the pubes at the base. Liam’s hands were gripping so, so tight, Zayn’s eyes sinking shut in pleasure. Breathing once through his nose, he swallowed around the head, pride filling him when Liam cried out. “ _Fuck Zayn!_ ”

They’d get to that if Zayn had anything to say about it. Which he did.

Pulling back momentarily so he could breathe, Zayn went down again, starting a rhythm and coaxing Liam’s hips forward to fuck his throat ever so slightly. Liam never pushed too hard, never caused that burning, but it was enough. More than enough when Liam’s thumb pressed into his cheek, tracing the outline of his own cock in Zayn’s mouth. “Fucking hell…”

Feeling Liam get close, body locking up and stomach quivering, Zayn pulled off with an obscene _pop_. Liam made a garbled sound of protest but Zayn shushed him by kissing his lips, forcing his tongue in so he could taste himself. “Think I said I wanted you to fuck me.”

Liam’s pupils dilated, tracing over Zayn’s swollen lips with something akin to awe. “You also said something about tying you down?”

It came out more as a question, Zayn winking flirtatiously even as he made for the bed, kicking off the rest of his clothes as he did so. “It’s entirely up to you. I mean, _I’m_ game. Love having to take whatever you’d give me, so desperate to touch you but couldn’t…”

Liam swallowed dryly and stumbled over to the closet. It was an answer in itself, Zayn settling down on the sheets until Liam came back, a tie in his hands. “Was gonna to wear this to job interviews.”

“You can wear it and think of me,” Zayn provided smugly, Liam huffing as he slipped the fabric around Zayn’s wrists and up through the headboard.

“Don’t think this is the image I want in my head when I’m talking to my prospective boss.”

“Mm, don’t know,” Zayn replied, tugging on the restraints, suitably impressed when he found they had very little give. “Could give you courage and all that.”

Liam rolled his eyes, sinking his teeth into Zayn’s collarbone, making him writhe. “Shut up.” He then ran his hands down Zayn’s chest, toying with a nipple until Zayn was keening, yelping when he gently bit down. Liam’s eyes were smouldering when they met Zayn’s. “You have a thing for roughness, don’t you?”

Zayn shrugged as best he could. “Don’t mind getting thrown around, it’s true.”

“Could get you hurt,” Liam reprimanded, though his actions belayed that sentence because the next second he was biting down on Zayn’s hipbone, teeth digging into the bone.

“ _Jesus Christ Li’_ ,” Zayn gasped, cock straining against his stomach. “Get _on_ with it…and besides, I said thrown about not thrown _away_.”

Liam gave him an odd look but reached into his bedside drawer, pulling out a condom and a well used bottle of lube. At Zayn’s knowing look, he blushed. “So I have a little fun on my own, what’s it to you?”

“Means the world,” Zayn quipped, hooking his ankles around Liam’s waist and pulling him closer. “Practise makes perfect and so…” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I’m _very_ interested in your moves.”

Slicking up his fingers, Liam gave his cock a teasing squeeze before coming to rub gently at his rim, Zayn aching with need. “Guess it’s a shame you won’t be able to try out those moves. What with you being tied up and all.”

“ _Fuck,_ ” Zayn hissed, tossing his head back and vainly trying to press against Liam’s finger. Wanted him inside. Wanted it now, now, _now!_ “Liam, I swear to God, if you don’t hurry up-” His words cut off as Liam pushed his entire finger inside without warning. Zayn shouted, eyes ramming shut.

“ _Shit!_ Zayn, sorry, I-”

“So _good_ ,” he moaned, effectively shutting Liam up. When he managed to open his eyes, it was to Liam’s stunned face. He clenched down around Liam’s finger, watching him gasp at the sensation with triumph. “Love it rough Liam. Come on, give it to me.”

Liam nodded, working his finger in and out a couple of times before adding the second. Zayn took him desperately, loving the feel of Liam’s hands. His fingers were longer than his own, thicker, could reach that little bit further. Three fingers in and Zayn was suddenly hyper aware that Liam was missing that one spot on purpose, Liam’s expression wicked once he realised he’d been caught. Zayn tugged on the restraints, swearing when they refused to budge. “Liking them now?”

Zayn couldn’t help but nod, crying out when his reward was for Liam’s fingers to curl just so. “Fuck, Liam!...There, please, _there_ …”

“Christ, you’re so desperate,” Liam breathed, continuing his merciless onslaught, rubbing over Zayn’s prostate until he was on the verge of sobbing. He then pulled his fingers out, Zayn mewling until Liam’s lips were on his cheeks, his nose, his mouth, soothing. “It’s okay. Gonna fuck you now, alright?”

“Please,” Zayn pleaded, rocking his hips in a fruitless search for friction.

Liam made a reach to where Zayn’s arms were tied. “Should I?” Zayn shook his head furiously. Yes, the ache in his arms was becoming unpleasant but the ache in his cock was _so_ much more pressing and he needed relief like he needed air. Needed Liam to fuck him, fill him. His eyes fluttered shut as Liam’s dick brushed against his rim. Liam was ready to ask, knew the question was on the tip of his tongue, but Zayn was through waiting, heels digging in and forcing Liam forward. “Alright, alright,” Liam chuckled, pushing the head in, groaning when it met resistance.

“Come on Li’, fuck me please,” Zayn urged, sighing when the head slipped inside. “Want to feel you fill me up. See how good it feels with you inside.”

“Christ Zayn, who gave you that mouth?” Liam wondered, inch by inch disappearing into Zayn, stretching him, filling him. Zayn didn’t even bother answering, too lost in the feel of Liam inside him, whimpering when Liam bottomed out, hips slotting together. Zayn breathed in heavily, adjusting to the stretch, forcing his body to relax. Liam just felt so good, filling him up in _just_ the right way and Zayn couldn’t wait til he was moving, could imagine the shocks of his prostate getting rammed, could-

“Liam, you need to move.”

Liam took him at his word, pulling out slowly, both of them groaning as he pushed back in. Zayn let his body follow the movements, let Liam manhandle him as he wished, raising his hips before pounding back into him. “Do you like it rough here too?” Liam asked, rhythm steady but far from punishing.

“Only if you do,” Zayn replied because he couldn’t scare Liam away like that.

Liam tutted. “Think that means that you do.” With that, he veritably slammed back in, Zayn crying out. “Point proven.” Zayn couldn’t even scowl or make a comeback because Liam’s pace was brutal, their skin slapping together obscenely in the quiet of his bedroom. Zayn took it, body shaking with pleasure, spine snapping up when Liam nailed his prostate. Pre-come was smearing across his stomach, Zayn needing to jerk himself off, hands tugging uselessly. Liam saw, keeping up his pace even as he bent down to Zayn’s ear. “Wanna see you come untouched. Can you do that?”

Zayn groaned, cock twitching in response. “Yeah,” he panted, vision flashing white at another perfectly placed thrust. “Just…keep hitting that spot, okay?”

“I will,” Liam whispered, capturing his lips momentarily before pulling away, eyes hungry and Zayn had a feeling he’d created a monster. Or at the very least dragged it out. “Now come for me. Want to see it. See your face.”

The rasp to Liam’s voice coupled with two more thrusts sent Zayn spiralling over, limbs tensing and eyes rolling back. Liam came right behind him, body stilling inside Zayn as he shot into the condom, thighs quivering, riding out his high. His hands were undoing the knots around Zayn’s wrists before he’d even pulled out, kissing the delicate skin tenderly. “Okay?”

“More than,” Zayn assured, rubbing them to encourage circulation as Liam moved to tidy up, dumping the condom in the bin and wetting a gym towel in the sink by the wall. He cleaned Zayn up first, chuckling at a bit of come that had managed to splash as far up as Zayn’s chin, before giving himself a once over. He then smiled at how settled Zayn was in the bed, clearly too sated to move. “I’m not about to slip out,” Zayn drawled, knowing what he was thinking. “I’ll take some pants if you’ve got them though.”

Grabbing two pairs of sweats from the cupboard, Liam tossed a pair Zayn’s way before slipping into his own. He then crawled back into bed, the other man stretching in a manner not unlike a cat’s before curling into Liam’s side. His head tucked into Liam’s shoulder and Zayn was fighting to keep his eyes open before he even knew it. Liam noticed before he mentioned it, thumbing the spot between his eyebrows fondly. “Sleep Zayn.”

So he did.

 

***

 

Zayn’s sleep was disturbed by something next to him moving most inconveniently. Grumbling in displeasure, Zayn forced an eye open. The unfamiliar surroundings threw him for a moment, panic spiking in his chest. He then caught sight of Liam and everything came rushing back. Liam looked vaguely guilty, cheeks pink.

“Uh, I was just…loo? I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Nah, ‘s alright,” Zayn slurred, shuffling away so Liam could get up. Watching him leave, Zayn executed what he was sure was a near Olympics worthy gymnastic routine so he could fish his phone out of his jeans without having to get out of bed. There were some texts from Louis, not unexpected,

_Niall says you never came home ;)_  
_Did you pull sexy Liam???_  
_Thirsty Zayn_

But the thing that really caught Zayn’s attention was the time. Because it was nearly eleven and he had to be at work at twelve and his clothes were at home. Also, he probably _reeked_ of sex. Zayn groaned. Liam chose that moment to pop back in, smiling slyly at his groan. “Did I miss something?”

“Nothing like _that_ ,” Zayn snorted, cringing even further when he saw how low his phone battery was. Shit. “More like I saw the time and-”

“Oh my god, you work Saturdays!” Liam exclaimed, eyes wide. “Fuck, did I make you late? Are you late?”

“Liam,” Zayn chuckled, waving him back to bed. “If I’m late it’s on me.”

“You could shower here and borrow some clothes if you need to?” Liam offered, Zayn quirking a single eyebrow. “What? Your boss sounds terrifying from what I heard!”

Zayn gave in to that point. He then also wondered, why on earth was he considering turning down a _shower with Liam?_ Helping himself to Liam’s closet, he pulled out a shirt he could make work, as well as snatching a bandana because hey, when was the last time he’d actually seen someone who owned one? The jeans however…Zayn’s frame was more than a little on the slight side so back to his own it was. At least he hadn’t come in them or anything. He laid the clothes down before holding out a hand impatiently. “Well come on.”

“M-me?” Liam spluttered, eyes widening comically. “No, Zayn…I…My flatmates are _home_. We can’t…”

Zayn jutted his bottom lip out. “But I’ll get lost. Or what if they corner me in the bathroom? Trip and fall onto my cock?”

Liam went blistering red, shoving him in the direction of the bathroom. “The things that come out of your mouth Mr….well, Mr. Zayn.”

“Malik,” he offered, shutting the bathroom door and turning the shower on. “Zayn Malik.”

“Huh, guess we never _did_ get to last names,” Liam mused, giving in when Zayn tugged on his sweatpants emphatically. “Mine’s Payne, for the record.”

“You said that already,” Zayn pointed out, thinking of how Liam had answered the phone, smiling at the way Liam’s nose scrunched up in thought. He jumped under the warm spray, Liam right behind. “Still, suits you. Liam Payne. _Leeyum_. I like it.”

“Good to know I have your approval,” Liam said flatly, letting Zayn rinse off the body wash before spinning him round, crowding him against the wall. “Now, was it you that said something about people slipping and falling onto your cock?”

Zayn’s smile was devilish. “Could be a thing that happens.”

Liam sunk to his knees, licking a long stripe up Zayn’s dick. “Huh, so it is.”

 

***

 

Zayn _did_ make it to work on time. Just. Liam had gotten him off almost embarrassingly fast but Zayn had returned to favour, jerking Liam off against his stomach, sending him over with a teasing press to his rim. They’d had to share Liam’s towel to dry themselves off before sprinting back to Liam’s room and quickly getting changed. Zayn didn’t know if Liam’s breath had hitched at the sight of Zayn tying his bandana around his neck but he thought it had. If it was in response to Zayn wearing his clothing or Zayn having to hide the numerous marks he’d left, good. If it was in response to a fantasy involving choking then Liam was out of luck because Zayn wasn’t into that at all. Of course then he’d had to walk Zayn to work and it was endearing yet childish and Zayn had no idea how to handle it.

“You didn’t have to walk me,” Zayn insisted for the tenth time as he started unlocking the shop.

“How many variations of “I wanted to” do you have to hear before something in your brain clicks over?”

Zayn poked his tongue out. “I don’t appreciate the attitude Liam.”

“Please,” Liam scoffed, patiently waiting by the counter as Zayn flipped on the lights. “My attitude is nothing compared to yours.”

Zayn had to admit Liam had him there. Flipping through the appointment book and seeing their first client was supposed to come in in ten – not to mention Niall should already be here but after his shift last night Zayn couldn’t really blame him – Zayn turned his attention to Liam. “Um, so…I have to start soon but…last night…?” He left it up to Liam to fill in the blanks.

“I really enjoyed it,” Liam said, all smiles and warmth. “And I don’t just mean the sex. I mean, everything.”

“Okay,” Zayn conceded with a nod, teetering on that next step because he hadn’t _done_ that next step in so long. Liam beat him to the punch though, meeting Zayn’s gaze brightly.

“So, I was thinking we could do it again? Go out again, get to know each other more?”

“What, you mean learn more than just my last name?” Zayn demanded incredulously, making Liam giggle. _Giggle_ ; fucking hell.

“Yes that. I kind of want to know more about, well,” Liam scratching at his neck bashfully. “About Zayn Malik. If, you know, Zayn Malik would be interested.”

Zayn absolutely did _not_ blush. “Yeah, I-”

“ _Zaynie!!!_ You have _not_ answered your phone all morning and I demand juicy details about you and Li-… _oh shit!_ Never mind me!”

Louis was gone as quickly as he’d arrived, Zayn cackling madly while Liam buried his head in his hands. “I think you’re going to have fun with him today.”

“ _Liam_ ,” Zayn whined. “I don’t _want_ to spend all day with him.”

“Would you rather spend it with me?”

Zayn shot him a sharp look that was, mostly, teasing. “That remains to be seen. But, yes, we can meet up again. There’s a coffee shop further down the arcade that I tend to hole up in on my lunchbreaks. If you’re ever here around midday…”

Liam beamed. “Great! I can come back on Monday? How does that sound for you?”

“He doesn’t wo-”

“Monday is fine,” Zayn assured, shooting a scowl at where Louis was now standing in the doorway, obviously having found the courage to return…or being too curious to stay away. Zayn was betting on the latter to be honest. Seeing Liam’s quizzical look, Zayn pacified him with a quick kiss, the action definitely taking the younger man off guard; not that he was complaining mind. “Monday?”

“Monday,” Liam breathed, lips brushing against Zayn’s cheek before he was gone, flitting away.

“Well, well, well,” Louis crowed, slinking in and jumping up on the counter, trapping Zayn between his knees. “Mr. Doesn’t Date is about to date.”

“It is _coffee_ ,” Zayn informed him, emphasising each word.

“Yes, coffee on a day you don’t work.” Zayn flushed scarlet. “What was _that_ little lie for? Didn’t want to admit to Liam that you liked him enough to come in on your day off?”

No. More like Zayn wanted to keep Liam out of his private life, keep him around work, where the boundaries were clear, safe. “Look who’s talking,” was what he said to Louis though. “You don’t even _work_ here and yet Harry certainly seems to think you do.”

Louis blustered in shock for a moment, Zayn taking that as his chance to shuck off his jacket. He then paused midway through hanging it up. Nope, not his jacket. He didn’t own a bomber like this. Which made it _Liam’s_ bomber. A frantic squeak escaped unbidden. His leather jacket! Okay, now Liam _definitely_ had to come for coffee. Spinning on his heel and stomping back to the counter, Zayn pulled up when Louis hissed sharply.

“Yes Louis?”

“You, uh…Might want to put that jacket back on,” Louis hedged, eyes locked on something to Zayn’s side.

Following his gaze, Zayn swore because okay, Liam hadn’t tied the restraints _that_ tight but Zayn must have been pulling on them a lot more than he remembered because his wrists were well and truly bruised; coloured with every hue of red, blue, and purple imaginable. Grumbling, Zayn slipped the bomber back on, knowing it was too hot to be wearing it but knowing that customers seeing the marks would end so much worse.

“Zayn…” Louis’ voice was tentative, gentleness laced with worry. “Did you…You asked, right?”

“I asked,” Zayn said shortly, shooting Louis a look that told him to stay out of it. “Liam didn’t even do them that tight.”

Louis didn’t back down. “He didn’t do them loose enough.”

“He did them as loose as I asked,” Zayn barked. He held up a hand when Louis went to argue. “And I know what it looks like but believe me, _he_ was the ones setting the boundaries, saying when enough was enough. This,” he waved at his arms, “Was less than I wanted. Plus, Louis, you _know_ I bruise easily. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I bruised last week and that was only from you hitting me with your shoe!”

Louis shook his head at the memory; him having tossed his Vans at Zayn, Zayn too slow to dodge and having them smack him in the arm, only to come to work the next day with shining, great marks. He’d been to the doctors about it, been dragged there by his mother when he was a child, but there’d been no need for concern, they’d been told.

Shaking the subject away, Zayn pulled out his phone.

_My jacket’s at yours. Can you bring it Monday?_

_Your shirt’s here as well or is that not important? lol_  
_Of course I’ll bring it silly :)_

Tucking his phone away with a smile, Zayn blinked when a hand curled around his wrist delicately. Louis’ blue eyes were piercing when Zayn found them. “What you do in bed is none of my business, your kink is yours and if you want to get hurt, if you _enjoy_ that, then fine. I just…I worry about _why_.”

Hearing a customer enter, Louis slipped away. His parting words, however, didn’t.

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zayn's got it bad for Liam...don't we all, ha ha? Thanks for reading! .xx Dan


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks as always to everyone who comments. You get more an insight into Liam and Zayn in this chapter - hope you like. :)

 

Putting away the last of the items he’d grabbed from _Lidl_ , Liam jogged up the stairs to his room. The jogging irritated Harry to no end who, by comparison, managed a weary trudge on the best of days. What Liam wasn’t expecting though was to find Harry sitting outside his door, slurping his way through some kind of disgusting brown-ish, purple-ish smoothie.

“Hi?”

“Hi indeed,” Harry drawled.

Liam wrung his hands together, shifting his weight from foot to foot. “Is there a reason you’re outside my door or…?”

“Is there a reason our house mates are asking me “who the fuck is Zayn?”” Harry countered, Liam flushing to the tips of his ears. “Liam Payne, did you sleep with my hairdresser?” Harry asked, cocksure.

“Shut up,” Liam grumped, unlocking the door and stepping over Harry to get inside. He then hesitated before waving him in. Zayn’s clothes were still on the floor, as were his own. Liam quickly bundled them up and tossed them in his laundry hamper, though he singled out the leather jacket, not sure if it should be tossed in the machine so carelessly and highly suspecting Zayn would kill him if the answer turned out to be “ _no_ ”.

Harry whistled at the mess, though his face swapped to a frown when he saw something. Liam went to ask what but Harry was already holding up the tie. “Did you honestly let Zayn tie you down?”

“Harry, can we not talk about this?” Liam wheedled, snatching the fabric off him and shoving it into the depths of his closet.

“You’ve never expressed an interest before,” Harry continued, ignoring him and sitting on Liam’s bed, eyebrows knitted together. Because yes, Harry had been Liam’s best friend since they’d started high school together and, well, bluntly put, everything related to sex they’d tried with each other first. Safe to say, they knew each other’s kinks inside and out. Harry knew as well as Liam did that bondage wasn’t really his thing.

“I didn’t. Let Zayn,” he elaborated clumsily, dropping on the edge of the bed. “Zayn asked me to.”

“You tied down _Zayn?_ ”

Harry sounded a little too horrified for Liam’s liking. “Um…yes?”

“ _Liam!_ Doesn’t that sound like a red flag to you? Guy you just met, have spoken to _twice_ , lets you take him back to yours and _tie him up_. I have had a lot of one night stands in my life Liam and let me tell you, they would _never_ get away with trying that,” Harry said sternly.

“It were Zayn’s idea!” Liam protested. “He suggested it before we even got here, before we even left the club!”

“And I’m telling you that’s not okay!” Harry insisted. “Sure, I like lingerie but I’m not going to flounce out in my silk panties on a first go.”

“Did _not_ need to picture that,” Liam whined, scrubbing at his eyes as if that would erase the mental image.

Harry snorted. “You’ve already seen it.”

It was true but that didn’t mean Liam had to like it any more. Sighing, he shuffled back so his shoulders were touching Harry’s, leaning into him a little. “I almost turned him away.” The words were barely a whisper, Harry’s head whipping around in shock.

“What?”

“Zayn. He…He was going on about something, I don’t even remember, and when I told him to zip it – like, as a joke right, not seriously – he asked me if I was going to punish him.” Harry’s mouth set in a firm line and Liam nodded. “Yeah, kind of my thoughts too. Think he saw it too, backed down and said he wouldn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to.”

“I don’t know if that makes it okay,” Harry murmured uncertainly.

“Me neither,” Liam managed around a wet laugh. “But…I know it was too much for a one night but…I want more than one night with him and if I say I was scared that I might have lost him if I didn’t go through with it…would you be mad?”

Liam risked a glance to side, Harry screwing his nose up in contemplation. “No. I think I understand that. Zayn has…he’s magnetic, like. He has a pull about him.”

“I don’t think that means he’s dangerous though,” Liam added, knowing the words Harry wasn’t saying. “Think he’s more a danger to himself than anyone else.” Something Zayn had said nudged at his mind, but he couldn’t recall it fully. “And…” Liam very much did not look at Harry. “Harry, I…I liked it.”

Harry blinked slowly. “You _liked_ it? Liked pinning Zayn down?”

“Yes.” Liam tugged at his sock. “I found it kind of weird at first but then…he was _so_ into it and yeah, it…bit of a power trip, I think. Maybe got off on it a little.”

Harry held up his hands. “We are now approaching the area of “things I don’t need to hear”.” They remained silent for a while after that before Harry asked the inevitable question: “Do you think you’ll see Zayn again?”

That Liam could answer. “Yeah, we’re actually going for coffee on Monday!”

“Really?” Harry blurted out, clearly shocked. “Wow! That’s…that’s more than I was expecting, if I’m being honest.”

“You’re always honest,” Liam told him matter-of-factly. “But no, Zayn suggested it. Plus, I kinda have his clothes and he’s currently wearing mine so…”

Harry smiled at him, swapping to a scowl when his phone started ringing. Rolling his eyes at the I.D., Harry excused himself, slipping into his own room next door, voice muffled by the walls. Liam flopped back onto the covers, staring at the ceiling. Yes, Zayn was something akin to a thunderstorm in a human body, dangerous and unpredictable, but Liam felt like a storm-chaser, somehow already addicted to the thrill of him. He wanted to push his way to the centre, find out everything he could about Zayn. He unlocked his phone, typing in a reminder for the coffee date – not that he’d forget it anyway.

There. Step one in motion.

 

***

 

Their date had gone well, in Zayn’s eyes. Louis had weaselled the when and where out of him, only promising to not intrude if Zayn filled him in afterwards. Niall had joined in the fray shortly afterwards and Zayn hadn’t stood a chance. He’d nipped out just before twelve, not sure if he was pleased or not to find Liam already there. But Liam had been holding his jacket and that had been enough to spur him into motion. Zayn had returned Liam’s clothes as well and brilliantly dodged Liam’s question regarding why he was wearing a hoodie in September but damned if Zayn was going to strip it off and present Liam with ugly marks that had since faded to greens and yellows.

Coffee date number one had been followed by coffee date number two a couple of days later. Then came number three, which had occurred after work and started with coffee, moved to dinner at a burrito bar, and ended in Liam’s bed, Zayn riding Liam until he saw stars.

Coffee date four had gone as well as the others but Zayn could see it, could see it in Liam’s eyes in the way he was gathering his things: he wouldn’t get a number five if he didn’t step up his game and as much as Zayn hated to admit it, he was starting to become attached to Liam. He _liked_ having him around. Liked talking to him, finding out his little ins and outs.

Which was why, as they were leaving and Liam’s mouth was opening, Zayn jumped in, speaking before Liam could. “Um…so I’ve got no more clients for the day and I was going to go to this comic store up there,” he pointed to the balcony above them. “It’s kinda small and not many people know about it but it has a great stock. I…Did you want to come?”

Liam’s mouth was hanging open, quickly snapping it shut when Zayn chuckled. “Of course,” he gushed. “That sounds great. I told you liked Marvel and DC and that kind of stuff.”

Zayn rolled his eyes even as he was scaling the stairs. “Li’, _everyone_ likes Marvel these days. They go see shit like Ant-Man and they don’t even know who he is.”

“Uh oh, comic snob alert,” Liam teased.

Zayn flipped him off, shrieking when Liam tried to tickle his ribs as payback. Smacking his hands away, Zayn pushed open the shop door, waving at the man behind the counter. “Hey Corbin!”

“New Captain America’s back left.”

“Hydra Cap’?”

“Yep,” Corbin confirmed, not even looking up from his magazine. “Take it you don’t want it then?”

Zayn snorted in disdain. “Please. The garbage can take itself out.”

Corbin gave him a thumbs up, Liam looking between them in bewilderment. Zayn snatched Liam’s hand up, dragging him towards where his favourite comics were, wondering if they’d restocked that _Young Avengers_ one he hadn’t managed to pick up in time. He took all of two steps before he was stumbling back.

“Sorry, sorry,” Liam was saying in a rush, hastily steadying him. “I didn’t mean to, you just…” Liam looked down and Zayn realised with a jolt that their hands were connected. “You don’t normally…”

Zayn toed the floor, bottom lip drawn between his teeth. “Sorry.”

Liam frowned. “What are _you_ sorry for?”

“For this,” Zayn explained, gesturing between them. “I’m not the most…touchy or open person and I know that’s been hard for you. And, like, if you ever wanna hold my hand or some shit, just do it, yeah? Like, no making out in front of my boss but…”

Liam lifted his chin with a finger, eyes searching his. “Are you serious?”

Zayn nodded, forcing back his uncertainties. “Yeah, sure.”

Liam swiftly pecked his cheek, Zayn grumbling at the scratch of stubble, though his wasn’t much better. His words had done the trick though, Liam much more content to linger by his side now that there was the promise of something more, that they weren’t stuck in an infinite stale-mate. Zayn, on the other hand, was internally freaking out, anxiety clawing at his throat because he didn’t _know_ if he wanted to be here. He’d been here before…but not like _this_. There was something different about Liam. He felt different, felt connected to Zayn after only a month and a half. It was terrifying.

Finishing up their browsing, Liam having a far larger collection than Zayn and a promise to come back once he had more money, they left, making their way down to the street. “Don’t know about you but I’m starving,” Liam announced.

“It’s, like, two P.M.,” Zayn pointed out blankly. “It’s not even dinner time. Not even _close_.”

Liam pouted at him. “Not all of us can survive on coffee Zayn.” He pointed at the McDonald’s across the way. “You in?”

Zayn grunted an agreement, not particularly hungry because despite what Liam was sprouting off, they _had_ eaten at the coffee shop, even if it was more cakes than a full meal. He resigned himself to a shake, nominating himself to find a booth while Liam waited a little longer for his meal to be ready. Finding one by the window, Zayn slid in, feet propping up on the other side. He raised a hand when Liam seemed momentarily lost, though Zayn noticed he looked a little disapproving when he reached the table.

“Don’t tell me it’s the feet,” Zayn groaned, stubbornly refusing to take his boots down. “They’re clean for the most part. And only someone’s arse – _clothed_ arse – is going to sit there so let me have this.”

Liam’s expression didn’t falter, even as he sat down. “This is a table for _four_ Zayn. There’s one for two right there,” He pointed at the stand alone table and chair in the centre of the eating area, Zayn’s top lip curling in disgust. “What if someone needs to sit here?”

Zayn’s head thudded back against the wood behind him. “I promise to move if I see a family of four enter this establishment, okay?”

“Alright,” Liam conceded, tucking into his fries, oblivious to Zayn’s watchful gaze.

“You know Li’,” Zayn started, taking a sip of his drink. “I wouldn’t have pegged you as a youngest child. Oldest for sure. All responsible like.”

“I was sick a lot,” Liam offered with a shrug. “In and out of hospitals as a kid, injections, the lot. Made me mature up, I suppose. ”

Zayn nodded thoughtfully. “Learning life sucks can be a bit of a slap in the face to the innocence of childhood.”

Liam paused halfway through unwrapping his burger. “And what slapped you?”

His genuine interest – and perhaps the smidge of concern – was the only thing that had Zayn opening up. He gestured at his face loosely. “Well, this didn’t help. Add in 9/11 and the Islamophobia that followed, me being gay…let’s just say the kids at school had a lot to work with.”

“ _Shit_ Zayn,” Liam breathed, looking taken aback. “That’s…I mean, everything there is out of your control. At least if you’re picked on ‘cause you have braces they come off or whatever but…”

Zayn waved it away, as dismissive ‘ _it is what it is_ ’ in there somewhere because he didn’t want Liam’s sympathy when Liam’s childhood didn’t sound that great either. He settled back more comfortably in his chair, absently watching the people outside stroll past, making the most of the unusually nice weather. Liam seemed content to do the same, happily munching away on his lunch while Zayn sipped at his drink. Zayn’s eyes caught on a young couple showing way too much PDA, stopping every couple of steps to do something that resembled sucking the other person’s face off. He shuddered.

“Tell me you weren’t that awful in high school,” Zayn begged, pointing the couple out to Liam with an accusing finger.

It took Liam a moment to find them, looking more fond than Zayn thought he had any right to. “No, I wasn’t that bad. I had a couple of girlfriends and I’m pretty sure I made the first one I ever had sex with cry so…”

He ducked his head but Zayn’s stomach was suddenly made of lead, dread pouring into him because he remembered now, Liam had only _just_ come out to his parents. Had he even experimented beforehand? Like, with guys? Surely Zayn hadn’t been… “You’ve had a boyfriend though, right?” he asked, as casually as possibly. “Or like, at least _been_ with guys before?”

“No boyfriends,” Liam said with a shake of the head. “Had a friends with benefits thing with Harry though. Worked through his coming out process together, so to speak. We were each other’s firsts in, well, in…”

“In the gay way,” Zayn supplied, mulling that over. “Huh. You and Harry. Never would have picked it mate.”

Liam laughed. “Nah, we were never an item or whatever. Harry had a boyfriend or two in high-school but you know, there aren’t that many out kids at school, are there? I had a couple of summer girlfriends, nothing really serious until Danielle. She’s the one I just broke up with, you remember?”

Zayn did remember, wondering how he’d ever forgotten. “Hadn’t you…” His tongue was thick in his mouth. “Hadn’t you been going out like three years?”

Three years. _Longer_ than him and Adrien. God, how was Liam over that?

“Yeah, but…” Liam shifted in his chair, clearly ashamed. “I don’t think I’d loved her in ages, you know? I almost think we drifted away from the start. When she left, it’s like I didn’t even miss her.” He shook his head. “Makes me sound horrible but yeah, I don’t. Sometimes I miss her rambling about a dog she saw or letting her haul me round the shops but I don’t miss our _relationship_.”

Zayn thought he understood. Falling apart sounded so easy.

“I may have gotten a bit out of hand after the break-up though,” Liam admitted shyly. “Let Harry get me drunk a few too many times and had a few drunken hook-ups I don’t quite remember but that lasted a week? Two max? No, not even that.”

Okay, so between meeting Zayn the first time and the second time. Explained why he hadn’t called. “Harry thinking he was giving you the time of your life or what have you?” Zayn summed up, Liam nodding. “Still, sounds nice. Think he’s a great friend your Harry.”

“He is,” Liam confirmed, so sure in that that Zayn could practically see how his heart was swelling in pride. “But what about you? You and past boys? Girls?”

Zayn should never have opened his mouth. Never in a million years.

“Yeah, like you said, not many out kids at school,” he offered airily. “My best mate, well ex-best mate afterwards, outed me and then left me for dead. And after seeing me get wrung through the shredder, didn’t inspire many other kids did it? Moved down here though, a more open community, no past judgments.” Zayn let himself smile. “Got pretty much all my firsts in this city; you name it, I tried it. Got a couple of boyfriends too but mostly those ones what last a month and then you both call it quits?”

Liam nodded, meal now finished and watching Zayn like he was the most interesting person on the planet.

“There were this guy, Adrien,” Zayn forced himself not to stumble on the name, “And we were an item for a couple of years-” Liam squawked there, “-but that ended in a messy break-up. That were months ago now though…Huh, would actually be more like a year.” Zayn got in again before Liam could, pasting a smile on his face. “But now there’s you. You’re new.”

Liam eyed him up. “And what am I?”

Zayn frowned. “Not sure yet.”

Liam didn’t seem perturbed in the least, just gave Zayn a dazzling grin. “Guess you’ll have to go out with me a couple more times then.”

Zayn couldn’t help the smile that crept onto his face. “Guess so.”

 

***

 

The next time they went out, it was Liam’s initiative. He’d insisted that everyone needed a cinema date and Zayn had given in with barely any reluctance at all. Liam was like sunshine, like sitting in front of a fire after tramping through snow. There was something welcoming about him, like Zayn _wanted_ to let him in, wouldn’t dream of keeping him outside.

“Zed!” He was broken out of his musings by Liam’s voice, the other man standing at the movie counter and looking at him fondly. “Where are we sitting? Front, middle, or back?”

“Oh, um…back?”

“Back it is,” Liam relayed cheerfully, the girl behind the counter all smiles for Liam but sneering at Zayn.

Zayn rather unattractively scrunched his face up in return while making a show of grabbing Liam’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “So…Zed? Is that what I am to you?”

Liam stumbled over his next step, making Zayn laugh. “Uh…it slipped out. I mean, I-”

“Liam, I don’t _mind_ ,” Zayn huffed, kissing away the disbelieving look on his face. “You can call me whatever you want – within reason. I just didn’t know you had a nickname for me is all.” He shrugged. “I call you Li’ so it’s all fair, right?”

Liam cocked his head to the side even as he was making his way over to the candy bar. “And here I was thinking you were going to be one of those people that were really strict. Like, “call me Zayn or get your head ripped off”.”

Zayn threw his head back in laughter. “I’m not so bad! I’m hardly as terrifying as you make me out to be. Is it the tattoos? The hair?”

“The hair isn’t anything so special,” Liam retorted, Zayn gaping at his gall.

Okay, so he’d had to cut all the ends off again and had the most minimalist under-cut imaginable but there was only so much peroxide his hair could take before it gave in. “Leave my hair out of this,” he warned, self-consciously running his fingers through it.

Liam blinked slowly. “Wait, did I just hit a sore spot?”

Zayn folded his arms. “No.”

“ _I did!_ ” Liam cried gleefully, Zayn whining when he bumped their noses together. “Aww, Zayn. Don’t worry, I still like you even if your hair isn’t a colour designed purely for cartoon characters.”

Zayn pushed him away petulantly. “I don’t like this Liam. I want the other one back, the one that’s scared of me and coddles me.” …oops.

Liam paused, mirth seamlessly swapping into something softer. “Did I just hear you right?”

“Shut _up_.”

“I did,” Liam breathed, sounding shocked. The next thing Zayn knew, he was being hauled back, Liam’s arms wrapping around his waist as he burrowed into his neck. “I will hug you nine hours a day if that’s what you want.”

Zayn snorted, own arms coming to curl around Liam’s back. “Wouldn’t get much work done if that were happening.”

“No,” Liam admitted, kissing his collarbone before reluctantly pulling away. “But thank you for telling me that; no matter how accidentally.”

Zayn very much did _not_ acknowledge that statement, preferring to head towards the candy bar, Liam chuckling but following nonetheless. It probably also wasn’t wholly unexpected when, once the movie was over and they came out to find it pouring rain, Zayn suggested they take a taxi back to Liam’s. His flat was further and the November chill was enough to make Zayn shiver at the very thought of getting wet. Liam agreed, tucking Zayn under his arm until their taxi arrived, both of them sprinting through the rain and diving into the back-seat.

The second they reached Liam’s room, Zayn was dragging Liam to him, smashing their lips together. “Jesus Zayn, you just don’t wait do you?” Liam demanded, hands either side of Zayn’s head as he’d tried to stop himself from falling over.

“Can’t help it,” Zayn told him, tugging Liam closer until he was all but crushing him against the door. “Have you _seen_ yourself Liam?”

Liam groaned, working his thigh between Zayn’s legs and watching him scramble at the door. Satisfied with the reaction, Liam started sucking marks into Zayn’s neck, teeth digging in whenever he found a particularly sensitive spot. Zayn let him, tilting his head to side to give Liam better access, crying out at a particularly hard bite.

“ _Zayn, shh!_ ” Liam stammered quickly, ears flushing because… “Harry’s just next door. My flatmates are downstairs.”

Zayn whined, rolling his hips up and making Liam swear. “Don’t care Li’.”

“’Cause _you_ don’t live here,” Liam huffed, nudging his knee higher until it was pressing right against the bulge in Zayn’s jeans, his head being flung back in response. “Christ Zayn, you…you’d let me fuck you against the door, wouldn’t you?”

Zayn moaned. “ _Please_ Liam.”

Liam snorted. “Sorry Zed, not happening. Harry would literally kill me.” Before Zayn could protest, Liam hefted him up, dumping him on the bed rather unceremoniously. Zayn didn’t mind the rough treatment – of _course_ he didn’t – merely lay back against the sheets, spreading his legs and cupping himself through his jeans. Liam’s throat went dry at the sight. He didn’t think he’d ever removed his clothes faster in his life, tossing them onto the floor before making short work of Zayn’s. His knuckles ran over the length of Zayn’s cock, making him hiss.

“Wanna taste you Zayn. Can I?” Zayn gasped out a “ _yes_ ”, breath hitching when Liam blew over the tip. “So gorgeous Zayn,” Liam murmured, kissing up the shaft before licking at the head. “Love seeing you like this.”

“ _Liam_ ,” Zayn begged, hands twisting in the sheets. “Liam, _please_.”

Seeing Zayn so consumed by want was the only encouragement Liam needed, kissing the inside of his thigh once sweetly before returning his mouth to where it was most wanted. Liam could feel Zayn wanting to buck his hips as Liam slowly took him down, could feel the urge right there but he never did. No, he whimpered and keened, gasping loudly when Liam started to hum around the shaft. Moving a finger down to stroke Zayn’s perineum, Liam felt Zayn tremble, hands feebly pushing at his head.

“Li’…Li’, I’m…I’m gonna…”

Liam pulled off, Zayn’s body slumping in what he didn’t know was relief or frustration but he stilled at the wicked grin on Liam’s face. “I know,” Liam told him, dipping his thumbnail into the slit and making Zayn shout. “Want you to. Said I wanted to taste you.”

Zayn groaned, head dropping back against the sheets and Liam wasted no time in coming through on his promise. Taking as much as he could back into his mouth, Liam bobbed up and down, swallowing just to hear the mewls Zayn would make. Feeling Zayn tense, Liam worked one dry fingertip past Zayn’s rim and he was gone, coming with a shout of “ _Liam!_ ” that was _definitely_ going to get him scolded in the morning. Swallowing what he could, Liam pulled off once Zayn was limp in his mouth, wiping his chin and grinning.

“You look too smug,” Zayn panted, chest heaving.

“Thought you’d _like_ that look on me,” Liam shot back teasingly, giving Zayn’s cock a squeeze. Zayn went rigid and Liam swore, hand flying back. “Shit, _sorry!_ Sensitive, _fuck_ , sorry Zayn.”

Zayn shook his head, weakly rocking his hips up. “You can.”

Liam frowned in confusion, cautiously wrapping his hand back around Zayn’s length and giving a loose jerk.

Zayn hissed, eyes rammed shut but his words… “Fuck Liam. So good. It burns but…feels incredible. Wanna come again. Make me come again.”

“Zayn,” Liam murmured, not bothering to hide his worry. “You said it hurts.”

“Said it feels _good_ ,” Zayn corrected, eyes boring into Liam’s. “Please. Please Liam, want you in me. Come on.” He propped himself up on his elbows, reaching down to teasingly run his fingertips over Liam’s aching cock, Liam gasping loudly. “I can get you off like this if that’s what you want. Whatever you want Liam.”

“You,” Liam croaked out, batting Zayn’s hand away and bending down to cup his cheek, licking into his mouth and making Zayn sigh. “You. Always want you.”

“You’ve got me,” Zayn assured, guiding Liam’s lips back to his, kissing him like they had all the time in world. Liam sank into it, memorising everything from the plumpness of Zayn’s lips to his taste to the way he would curl his tongue around Liam’s, always guiding but never pushing. Air was the only reason Liam had for pulling away, knuckles ghosting over Zayn’s cheek, those dark eyes sinking shut at the contact.

“Want to come inside you,” Liam admitted, voice barely a whisper. “Can I?”

Zayn twisted his head, pressing a kiss to the inside of Liam’s wrist. “Want that too.”

Liam rummaged through the bedside drawer with maybe too much intensity but Liam didn’t think he could be blamed for that, not with how Zayn was watching him with a soft smile. That smile didn’t last much longer, swapping to moans and gasps as Liam worked in a third finger, twisting and scissoring, getting Zayn stretched enough for him. By the time Liam was pushing in, Zayn was nothing short of debauched, arching up when Liam found his prostate a couple of thrusts later. A high whine escaped his throat and Liam slapped a hand over his mouth. “Quiet, remember?”

Zayn glanced down pointedly and Liam rolled his eyes, pulling his hand away. “No matter how much you get off on it, I’m not gagging you alright?”

“How else are you gonna keep me quiet?” Zayn challenged.

“Like this.” With that, Liam seared their lips back together, swallowing each of Zayn’s moans as he pushed him closer and closer to the edge. Feeling his own orgasm building, toes curling, Liam slipped a hand between them, finding Zayn’s cock and starting to pull him off in time with each rock in. Zayn’s fingers dug into his shoulders, hips stuttering until Liam brought him over. Feeling Zayn clench down around him, Liam muffled his own scream in Zayn’s neck, vision blacking out momentarily.

It took him several minutes to bring everything back into focus, Zayn’s hands running up and down his back smoothly, seemingly unbothered by how sweaty he was. “You there Li’?” he called gently, nuzzling into his cheek. “Come back to me.”

“Never went away,” Liam promised, finding one of Zayn’s hands and interlacing their fingers. “Amazing Zayn. You’re amazing.”

Zayn grinned up at him lazily, turning his head to the side to admire their joined hands. “Nah Li’, that’s you.”

Heart swelling, Liam kissed him once more before gingerly pulling out. “Come on. We definitely need showers after that.”

“No,” Zayn bemoaned, throwing his arms over his face. “Wanna sleep.”

He then yelped as Liam hoisted him into his arms, tucking Zayn against his chest. “We will. Now come on, shower.”

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you thought! .xx Dan


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heading out to London this weekend to meet up with fellow writer Lalalaartje so enjoy having this chapter early!

 

“Zayn! Two questions!”

Zayn blinked, completely caught off guard by Niall’s voice echoing out from the depths of the flat. Yes, it was _their_ flat but Niall hadn’t worked today and usually on the days he didn’t have work, Niall was nowhere to be found. He was the opposite of Zayn, who preferred to spend his days off curled up in bed and refusing to move. No, Niall was out the door generally before Zayn was and came back long into the night or early hours of the morning.

“What are you doing home?” Zayn asked as he kicked off his shoes, shaking his clothes with disgust, spending the night on Liam’s floor having done them no good.

“Aren’t I allowed to be home?” Niall jeered, popping out of-

“ _Hey!_ What are you doing in my room?”

Niall giggled as Zayn came storming down the hallway, flinging himself onto Zayn’s bed and wrapping himself in the duvet. “It’s to do with the questions!” he announced, waggling his eyebrows.

Realising he wasn’t going to escape, Zayn indulged his friend, stripping down to his briefs before dropping onto the bed. “Alright, what are the questions?”

“Can I make it three now?”

Zayn’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

“Question one: can you put some fucking clothes on mate?”

Zayn swatted him over the head before padding over to his wardrobe. “My room, I do what I like in it.” Nevertheless, he stuffed on some sweats and an old band t-shirt. “Now, what do you want?”

“Question one-”

“Two now,” Zayn drawled, whining and clawing at Niall when he tugged on his hair sharply.

“Alright Zee, _two_. Anyway,” he counted on his fingers, “Tell me about Liam.” Zayn groaned. “And tattoo this on me.”

Zayn’s ears perked up at that, snatching the piece of paper out of Niall’s hand. He inspected the tree design with interest, eyes flicking up to Niall’s body. “Is this, like, a family tree? And where do you want it?”

“Yes and here,” Niall said, stabbing at the top of his left arm.

It made sense, considering how the right arm was long since a full Celtic sleeve and the left arm was fast filling up too, already inked up as far as his elbow. Zayn took great pride in the designs he’d done for Niall, picking his way over to his tattoo station and selecting the ink before contemplating which needle he would need. The only tattoo Zayn had flat out refused to do was the neck one because he in no way trusted himself enough to not puncture Niall’s windpipe or something equally horrifying. No, he’d been sent to the parlour for that one.

“You done all the necessary prep?” Zayn asked, pushing out the chair next to him so Niall could drop into it, hoisting his arm up onto the table.

“’Course,” Niall said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Zayn eyed him up through his lashes. “Be nice or I’ll make this hurt.” Niall squeaked in fear, mouth shutting so fast it was almost funny. Picking up the design, Zayn blinked as he actually paid attention to the feel of the paper this time. “You already had this made into a stencil?”

“Yep,” Niall grinned, feet swinging gleefully. “Got Mark to do it.”

Swabbing the designated area with water, Zayn’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “And how did Mark react to you getting that far and then tearing out the shop?”

“Laughed. Cuffed me round the head. Told me I owed him.”

Smoothing out the design, Zayn tutted. “You can pay him back by getting that dragon touched up.” He tapped at the one in question. “It’s about time.”

“But touch-ups hurt _so much_ ,” Niall whined, checking Zayn’s work in the mirror and nodding before coming back. “But enough about me,” he stated firmly, leaving no room for argument as Zayn switched on his gun, the whirring sound filling his bedroom. “I asked about Liam.”

Drawing the first line, Zayn sighed, wiping off the excess ink. “Liam is Liam. I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Niall nodded like he got that, lips pursed in thought. “Do you like him?”

“I go out with him at least once a week,” Zayn pointed out dryly. “Think that means I like him.”

“So you actually _do_ then?” Niall pressed, tensing as the tattoo gun bit into the inside of his underarm. “ _Fuck_. But yes, you, Liam, feelings? There are _actually_ feelings there?”

Zayn’s mouth twitched. “I…I guess. I _like_ being around Liam. I _want_ to keep seeing him. That’s enough, isn’t it?”

Niall eyed him up flatly. “That’s not an answer and you know it. I like that dog down the street with three legs that tackles anyone carrying pork rolls.” Zayn snorted, knowing the one he meant. “I look forward to seeing him too. Don’t know if that’s the same as me liking it.”

Picking up the design and studying it briefly before going back to work, Zayn sighed again. “Alright. Then yes.”

“Yes?”

Zayn didn’t think Niall had any right to look as smug as he did. “Yes, okay? I like Liam. I would go as far as to say I am _dating_ Liam. Like, exclusively.” Niall cheered, Zayn slapping him in reprimand when it made his arm move. “I fuck this up it’s on you, do you understand?”

“Fine,” Niall grumped. “But still, that’s good, yeah. Are you two, you know, boyfriends?”

“We haven’t discussed it,” Zayn said simply.

They lasted several moments in silence before Niall spoke. “Should bring him around.”

Zayn avoided his gaze. “Why?”

_“Zayn.”_

“I just…What if I’m wrong? What if Liam’s not everything I think he is?” Zayn demanded, putting the gun down as he dropped his head into his hands. “It’s like…I sometimes feel like he’s too good to be true Niall, you know?”

“No, I don’t,” Niall harrumphed, making Zayn’s head snap up, a little unnerved by the glare he was receiving. “Liam is a normal person Zayn. You-” he rapped Zayn over the head, “-just have a messed up view. You think everyone is hiding something or not what they seem. Surprise! Most of us come at face value.” He passed Zayn back the gun, gesturing to his arm impatiently. “Let Liam in Zayn. You can’t keep him outside forever.”

With that, Niall seemed to deem their conversation over. Zayn didn’t mind. He thought it was over too.

 

***

 

_Do you know what Peaky Blinders is?_

_I’ve heard of it. Never seen it though._  
_Why?_

_Louis won’t shut up about it. Wanna come round mine and watch a few episodes?_

 

Liam would be lying if he said his heart hadn’t nearly burst when he’d gotten that particular text from Zayn. Zayn had never invited him to his flat before and, at two and a half months, that was kind of irritating. Liam had left it though, figuring Zayn would open up to him when he was ready. And Liam was right!

He was humming happily as he made his way to the apartment complex Zayn said he lived in, buzzing the intercom and being let in. Jogging up to the first floor, Liam checked his phone once more before finding the right number. He rapped on the wood, hearing loud voices from inside which wasn’t _quite_ what he was expecting but then the door was swinging open. Zayn was standing in the doorway and Liam was halfway to smiling when he realised how downright awful he looked.

“Zayn?!”

“I’m alright,” Zayn chuckled, apparently aware that he looked like death warmed up. “It’s just a headache. I get them sometimes.”

“You should have told me you weren’t feeling well,” Liam said, still hesitating in the doorway. “I can go.”

“You can also stay.”

Zayn’s voice was quiet, a tad pleading, and who was Liam to refuse? Nodding, he crossed the threshold, toeing off his shoes when he found several pairs by the door. When next he looked up, he saw Zayn standing at the edge of the hallway, hands on his hips.

_“Niall…”_

He sounded chastising and Liam wondered why, coming up to Zayn’s side and taking his hand. Niall had spared Zayn less than a glance from where he was sitting amongst his friends, only double-taking when he saw Liam there. “Oh _shit!_ You two wanted the tv. Forgot that was tonight.”

Zayn waved him off. “It’s alright.” He then turned to Liam, scratching at his cheek. “There’s a laptop in my room? We can stream onto it if that’s okay?”

Liam swiftly pecked his cheek. “That’s more than fine. Besides, I’m kind of interested in your room.”

“It’s no great secret,” Zayn huffed, leading the way through his flat and ushering Liam into the bedroom on the right, the one on the left undoubtedly Niall’s. “Ta da!” he waved theatrically, flipping the light on.

It really wasn’t much, Zayn was right but that didn’t mean that Liam didn’t find every little thing fascinating. There was what looked like an actual tattoo station nestled against one wall, a plethora of drawings stuck up all around it. A little collection of pop-vinyls sat across the window ledge, a tiny shelf overflowing with comics tucked in the corner. His room was completely devoid of clothes on the floor, obviously far more meticulous than Liam. Zayn was already bundled under his duvet when Liam finished his look, laptop scooped up from the bedside table.

Taking two steps over, Liam suddenly remembered the bag in his hands. “Oh, I didn’t know if you were one of those people who snack while watching but I am so…”

Zayn shook his head even as he was waving Liam over. “I’m not even on good days but certainly not today. You can though, like, I’m not stopping you. And if you need to put anything in the fridge, Niall can show you where that is.”

“Nah, nothing fridge-requiring,” Liam told him, taking note of how comfortable Zayn was before clambering over him, settling in on the other side of the bed. “Alright, let’s see if Louis’ tv show lives up to the hype.”

It didn’t take more than an episode for Liam to realise that Zayn was taking in the bare minimum. They’d started off sitting next to each other but by the time Zayn was clicking ‘play’ on the third episode, he was buried in Liam’s stomach, eyes glassy as they looked at the screen.

“Hey,” Liam cooed, nudging him gently. “We don’t have to keep watching.”

Zayn shook his head firmly. “No, want to.”

Liam thumbed his shoulder, touch calm and soothing. “And are you even paying attention?”

“Yes,” Zayn snapped, tightening his grip in Liam’s shirt when he attempted to shift away. “Liam, don’t.”

“I-”

“Stay.”

Liam had been going to say that they could find something else to watch but Zayn’s quiet plea had him shifting back without a delay. If Zayn wanted him to stay, he would stay. “Alright, I won’t go.” Not that he’d been planning to but it was worth the satisfied noise Zayn made in response.

“Good. Like having you over. It’s nice.”

Liam’s breath caught. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm. Think you should come back.”

“Watch out, maybe I will,” Liam teased.

Zayn niggled him in the ribs before returning his attention to the screen. Liam didn’t hear from him again until a rather graphic sex scene started playing. “Ugh,” Zayn scoffed, nose screwing up. “Why do they think we want to see this?”

Liam agreed whole-heartedly. “I have no idea.”

“They could at least make it look semi-enjoyable,” Zayn pointed out, Liam barking out a laugh of surprise.

“Maybe being taken from behind isn’t her thing?”

Zayn blinked up at him, looking almost _impressed_ that he’d said that if his sly smile was anything to go by. “Well, well, you have a cheeky side.” He then dropped his eyes back to the screen. “I mean, it’s not one of my favourite things either so…”

Liam choked on his inhale. Okay, they were talking about sex then. “No?” he asked innocently.

“Well…I mean, depends,” Zayn elaborated, voice so slurred that Liam wondered if he was even going to remember this conversation come morning. “I don’t like being made to hold the headboard but if my arms are tied behind my back…”

That was so much more than Liam needed to hear right now. “You really _do_ like that,” he said though, frowning a little. "You _like_ being tied up.”

“I like _you_ tying me up,” Zayn corrected, absently stroking his stomach. “But that’s…Anyway, I like you most ways, to be honest. Love how well you fill me.”

Liam’s cheeks were scorching, so glad Zayn couldn’t see it through the darkness courtesy of Niall passing earlier and flipping the lights off. “You don’t ever top?”

Zayn gave something that could be counted as a shrug. “I have. And I’ve liked it and all but…bottoming it’s…It’s more trusting, isn’t it?” Liam felt his heart stop. “It’s, like, giving someone all the power and trusting that they won’t use it to hurt you, won’t rush the prepping or start moving before you’re ready. I trust _you_ ,” he tacked on, almost as an after thought as his eyes sunk shut.

 _Jesus Christ_. This boy. Liam ran his fingers through Zayn’s hair, continuing to do so when all he did was snuffle adorably. He’d known Zayn was complex but this was almost next level. And Zayn _trusted_ him? So whole-heartedly and ardently. It meant more than his words ever could, meant more than a hug upon seeing him.

Unfortunately though, their peaceful set-up couldn’t last forever because Liam _really_ needed to pee and even if he didn’t, he wasn’t going to sleep in his jeans. Reluctantly he shook Zayn’s shoulder, Zayn making a tiny noise of discontent before blearily opening his eyes. “Mmm?”

“Hey,” Liam greeted, stroking the side of his face before gently prying him off. “Where’s your bathroom?”

“Down the hall, first door on the right,” Zayn mumbled, curling around his pillow. “Help yourself to whatever’s in my closet if you wanna change.”

“You’re not going to come with?” Liam asked, squeezing Zayn’s thigh as he climbed off the bed. “What if someone, what was it, falls on my cock?”

Zayn glared at him as menacingly as he could from under a massive duvet. “The only person here now is Niall and he wouldn’t dare.”

“Wouldn’t dare what?” Niall asked, clearly having heard his name.

“Suck off my boyfriend,” Zayn growled.

Even as Niall was very loudly declaring that he wouldn’t even _want_ to and Zayn was burrowing back under the covers, Liam was frozen in the doorway. Boyfriend. Zayn had called him his _boyfriend_. His face split into a grin. He also maybe did a little air punch but no one saw it so Liam thought that was okay.

 

***

 

“Good morning everyone!”

Louis’ abrupt shout came approximately one second before he realised Anna was right at the counter, eyes narrowing at Louis. He nearly fell over in his haste to stop and Zayn had to quickly turn away to stop himself from laughing out loud. Niall was doing the same, giggling into Zayn’s back.

“Can we help you Louis?” Anna asked coldly.

Always quick on his feet, Louis took less than a second to reply with, “Just here for a trim. If Zayn’s free of course. Should have called ahead.”

“It’s no problem,” Zayn assured, coming round the corner and smiling at Anna. “My next scheduled appointment’s not until two and Louis won’t take long anyway.”

Anna nodded concisely, returning to her paperwork while Zayn jerked a thumb towards his usual station. Niall wheeled over a stool, dropping into it and adopting his “I’m-listening-very-closely-for-learning” pose…which meant he was absolutely _not_ paying attention. It was still managing to fool Anna after all this time though so Zayn had to give him credit for that. He dragged over his trolley and dropped his chin atop Louis’ head.

“How long am I pretending to cut for?”

Louis matched him grin for grin before shaking his head, tugging on his fringe. “Nah, it _is_ getting a little long. Think you could cut it back a bit?”

“Sure,” Zayn said, moving to the counter behind him. “Want a tea though? Kinda dying for one myself.”

“Always!”

“Niall?”

Niall shook his head, too busy playing with his hair in the mirror. It was now a mixture of pastel pink, blue, and purple, and it had been so pain-staking to do. Zayn had nearly sworn off it and gone to smoke several times but he had to admit the end result was worth it, watching the colours shift immaculately as Niall ran his hand through it over and over. Upkeep was going to be a bitch though. Zayn raised an eyebrow at Louis’ fascination though, even as he was handing him his tea.

“You want Lou’?”

“No thanks,” Louis chirped. “I am a man of substance over style.”

“Funny,” Zayn mused, tapping his chin. “’Cause I didn’t think you had either.”

Louis gaped at him while Niall cackled. As Louis muttered sourly to himself, Zayn buttoned up the smock and picked up his scissors, holding up an approximate length, to which Louis nodded. “I notice Harry hasn’t come back,” Louis pointed out, sounding a bit disappointed.

“Think Zayn scared him off,” Niall admitted.

“Probably,” Zayn agreed. “First I make him purple, then I cut all his hair off. I’m probably not his favourite person right now, to be honest. Though…” he hummed thoughtfully, “If he’s wanting to keep it short he really _should_ have come back by now. Maybe they’re avoiding me after I insulted Liam’s buzz cut last time.”

Louis adopted an intrigued look. “They? It’s “ _they_ ” now, is it? You know Liam’s friends so well now, do you?”

“No, get this Louis,” Niall butted in, barrelling on before Zayn could swipe at him to get him to shut up. “Liam is Zayn’s _boyfriend_.”

Louis went very still, all humour dropping from his face, grabbing Zayn’s hand and keeping it from moving. “Zayn?”

Zayn’s tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip nervously. “Er…yeah? Like, last night?” Because Zayn had forgotten the conversation until Niall had whispered it in his ear on his way to the bathroom, Zayn bolting back to his room and diving into Liam’s lap, grasping his face.

 

_“Did I call you my boyfriend last night?”_

_“Yes…”_

_“Is that…is that okay? Would you…Do you want that Liam?”_

_“God yes.”_

 

And that was that. Zayn now had a boyfriend in the form of Liam Payne and he had to admit he felt a little giddy about that. Amongst other things.

Louis was eyeing him up severely, releasing his hand and letting Zayn get back to work. “Is there a story behind that or…?”

Zayn shook his head. “No story. Just happened. It’s been long enough, don’t you think?”

“It’s long enough if it’s what you want,” Louis answered carefully, sending Niall a look that made him slip away, busying himself with one thing or another. “If you’re wanting to take this step, then go for it.”

“I wouldn’t say I _want_ to,” Zayn reasoned, “But I think I _need_ to. And not for Liam, but for me, right? And if I get Liam out of it, I don’t think I’m getting a bad deal.”

“I wouldn’t think so, no,” Louis agreed.

Pushing the conversation aside, Zayn shifted around to Louis’ front. “Eyes closed please,” he requested, waiting for Louis to do so before trimming his fringe. Assessing the line once more and making some minor touch-ups, Zayn paused when he found Louis’ eyes locked right on his. “You’ll get hair in your eyes.”

“If Liam doesn’t realise how fucking lucky he is either,” Louis’ voice was hard, like steel. “Then he’s an idiot. You’re worth it Zayn, I mean it.”

Zayn didn’t want to think about how his eyes were starting to moisten, had never been so relieved to hear Niall bounce back over, hand covering the mouthpiece of the phone. Louis had never been so relieved either, not when Niall said,

“Harry’s on! He wants to come back in!”

Needless to say, two days later Harry came in and left down a couple of inches of hair but up a phone number. Zayn rolled his eyes as Louis waved Harry over, both of them blushing and teasing in return. They were ridiculous. Both of them.

 

***

 

In reality though, Zayn should have known it couldn’t have lasted. Should have known that he wouldn’t be so lucky.

He realised now that he should have seen the hint for what it was, a week ago when he’d been at Liam’s, sitting on the kitchen counter, Liam between his legs, as Harry baked away, an illegal substance or two dotted around the kitchen.

 

_“So what are you plans for Christmas Zayn?” Harry asked, stirring something on the stove._

_“Haven’t really decided,” he confessed, grinning when Liam nicked a square of chocolate and passed it up to him. “You Li’?” Because Harry had already revealed his plans to them in great detail, despite none of them asking._

_“Don’t know,” he muttered. “Mum and Dad are going caravanning or something and I’m not too keen on spending days in a tiny metal container.”_

_“Ugh, no,” Zayn replied, making no attempt to hide his disdain. He then squeezed Liam’s waist with his knees lightly. “Well, like, if you get really stuck you can always come to mine? My mum makes a shit ton of food and there’s always room.”_

_“Nah, couldn’t intrude like that. Thanks though.”_

 

Zayn knew his face had fallen then, felt like he’d been slapped, but he’d hidden it away, told himself it hadn’t meant anything. It probably _was_ too fast. Who spent Christmas at their boyfriend’s when they’d only been with said boyfriend for four months? It hadn’t meant anything. Zayn had repeated the phrase to himself over and over again until he almost believed it.

He believed it enough that he hadn’t had a second’s doubt when Liam had finally acted on Zayn’s revelation from weeks before, pushing him onto his bed and trapping his arms behind his back. Had pulled the restraints so much tighter than the last time because Zayn _begged_ for it and Liam seemed to be of the belief that Zayn knew his own limits. And it had been _brilliant_ , mind-blowing, and Zayn hadn’t cared that his fingers had been jittering with pins and needles for hours after because it was _Liam_.

But that had been a Friday night in Liam’s bedroom, in a place that no one but them saw. It wasn’t the outdoor dining area of a restaurant on a Sunday afternoon.

Zayn didn’t know what he’d seen first. Maybe it had been Liam’s hair, so recently touched up by Zayn. Maybe it was his general body shape, so familiar to Zayn by now that he would recognise it anyway. Maybe it was the tattoos, peeping out from where he’d rolled up his sleeves just enough that they wouldn’t get in the way of him eating.

In the end, it didn’t matter what Zayn saw first. What mattered was that it was unquestioningly Liam and that he was sitting at a table with an older couple opposite him and a girl by his side. A beautiful girl, Zayn wouldn’t even try to deny it. Liam was laughing away with them all, so familiar in his actions that for one moment he was naïve enough to think that maybe this was Liam’s family, perhaps one of his sisters, but in his heart Zayn knew the age was all wrong, that the couple opposite didn’t resemble Liam enough. And then had come the sledge-hammer, the moment that broke his heart where it was still recovering from being so brutally shattered last time.

Liam kissed her.

Gave an uncomfortable twitch before pressing their lips together all too quickly.

It was enough for Zayn. Enough to have him stumbling back a couple of steps, head reeling. He heard it before he saw it, the sound of someone on a bicycle vainly trying to stop, the shout of, “ _Oi, watch it!_ ”. He didn’t have time to move, slammed his eyes shut and prepared for the worst but, by some miracle, the cyclist managed to serve around him. The shout had caught Liam’s attention though, pale and on his feet when Zayn next found him. He could see his name forming on Liam’s lips but he didn’t care.

He ran.

He ran and he ran and he ran.

 

***

 

Zayn didn’t know how long he’d been running. Didn’t even know where he was running _to_. He was confident he’d back-tracked a couple of times, possibly even gotten lost once or twice in alleys he rarely strayed down, but when he finally found his feet stopping, he let out a sadistic chuckle because of course. He was back at his stupid salon. The doors were locked and the lights off, closed on their designated day off, but Zayn always had a key on him.

Unlocking the door, Zayn slipped inside, flipping the lock behind him and staring at the empty space numbly. With aching feet he trudged downstairs to the meagre staff area, when they kept extra stock and the washing machine for all their towels. He barely made it off the bottom step before his composure cracked entirely. Sobbing, Zayn slumped against the wall, sliding to the ground. His arms came to wrap around his knees as he drew them up to his chest. The tears fell thick and fast but he had no intentions of stopping them, didn’t want to in the slightest because it _hurt_. It hurt _so much_.

Why had he let Liam in? Why had he been so _stupid?_

An odd scratching noise from upstairs had Zayn stopping mid-sob, body going rigid when he heard the door open. _Shit!_ Only he and Anna had keys and no way in hell was he letting his boss find him like this. Curling further in on himself, Zayn figured his only hope lay in staying still enough and quiet enough that he would blend into the shadows. Footsteps clomped down the stairs and Zayn didn’t dare look up. At least not until he heard a loud sigh. Zayn frowned. He knew that sigh.

“Thought I’d find you here.”

Zayn’s head whipped up, squinting through the darkness. “ _Niall?_ ”

“Hey.” The Irishman crouched down in front of him, gingerly brushing the tears of his face. “Look at you.”

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Zayn snorted, clumsily wiping at his face. “What are you doing here Niall?”

“Looking for you,” came the easy response. “There’s a great game of phone tag going on out there. Liam told Harry who told Louis who told me…” Niall rolled his eyes. “Louis said you’d be out at one of the skate bowls or in a bar. I reckoned you’d be here though.”

“Why?” Zayn sniffled.

“Don’t know,” Niall admitted, shifting so he was sitting next to Zayn, shoulder firmly pressed against his. “Glad I found you though.”

Zayn was undecided on that but something else was bothering him. “And how, exactly, did you get in?”

Niall didn’t even look the slightest bit ashamed as he said, “The less you know about certain skill sets of mine, the better.”

Zayn’s mouth dropped open. “You picked the lock. You… _Christ_ Niall, is there a criminal side to you I don’t know about?”

“A few picked locks is nothing in the grand scheme of things,” Niall tutted, crossing his ankles leisurely. “Now, I’m not going to press for details, that’s none of my business. My business is, what can I _do?_ Should I kill Liam? Would that help?”

Zayn managed a wet laugh. “I’d rather you kill _me_.” What Zayn wasn’t expecting was for Niall to abruptly grab a fistful of his collar and wrench him around. “Oi! Easy Horan!”

“Don’t you _fucking dare_ ,” Niall snarled, Zayn freezing in shock, eyes wide. “Don’t you dare start blaming yourself for this or, _worse_ , start taking this out on yourself. You did _nothing_ wrong here Zayn. I am not going to sit here and watch you destroy yourself over this. Been there, done that, and newsflash! – I didn’t like it the first time around so I doubt I’ll like it the second!”

“Niall…” Zayn was powerless then, throwing himself into Niall’s arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Good.” Niall had a hand around his shoulder, all but pinning him to his chest. “I’ll hurt Liam as much as you want me to but I will _never_ hurt _you_.”

“Don’t hurt Liam,” Zayn murmured, shaking his head against Niall’s collarbone. Louis’ words suddenly rang through his head. “And, _fuck_ , don’t let Louis hurt him either.”

Niall seemed sceptical at best. “Why?”

“Because he’s not worth it,” Zayn said simply. “I’m sure he has an “explanation”. They always do. Just…I just wanna forget him. Don’t go after him, please?”

Niall grumbled unhappily but _did_ take his phone out of his pocket, presumably to text Louis. Once that was done, he went back to stroking Zayn’s arm, ignoring his tears because Niall knew that’s what Zayn wanted. Zayn was eternally grateful for that, sinking down that little bit heavier onto Niall’s chest, entranced by the heartbeat under his ear, the rise and fall of each breath.

But Niall couldn’t stay silent forever, it wasn’t his style. “Okay, so there’s nothing I can do to _Liam_. That’s what you want so I’ll let it stand. But what can I do for _you?_ What’s going to make _you_ feel better Zayn?”

“Kiss me,” Zayn muttered bitterly. He then jerked in surprise as Niall tilted his head up, pressing their lips together chastely.

“Magically fix anything?” he drawled, chuckling at Zayn’s shocked face. “Hey, you asked.”

“I didn’t think you’d do it!” Zayn cried, scrubbing at his lips viciously. “Fine, mental note made. Never ask Niall Horan for anything because he’ll actually fucking do it!”

Niall’s chuckle swapped to a full blown laugh, shaking him playfully. “I always have my best friends’ interests at heart.” Zayn managed a smile and Niall took that as an achievement. “So, apart from getting snogged, what do you want?”

Zayn frowned in contemplation, eventually gesturing at his arm vaguely. “Kind of want the words “ _fuck Liam Payne_ ” tattooed on my arm.”

“And you say I get mine too hastily,” Niall chastised, clucking his tongue. “And also, no. Not happening. I am not going to let you make such a stupid decision.”

Zayn whinged and fussed but Niall patiently played along, swatting away Zayn’s hands and occasionally darting in to tickle him. Zayn was the first to surrender, veritably _squealing_ when Niall’s fingers dug into his underarms. “Alright, I give, I give!” he cried, breathless when Niall retracted his hands, smiling victoriously. “Assuming tattoos are out…”

Niall nodded, accepting no arguments which was probably a good thing given the state Zayn was in.

“Can I smoke?”

Another nod.

“And can I drink?”

Niall clapped his back, pushing himself to his feet and holding out a hand for Zayn to grasp. “That’s what I’m talking about!” he crowed as he hauled Zayn to his feet. “You more than have my permission to come out and get blind drunk!”

“We’re gonna be so hung over tomorrow,” Zayn commiserated as they scaled the stairs.

“Ha!” Niall barked, preening. “ _You_ might be. _I_ will be just fine. I don’t do hangovers.”

It was true but that didn’t mean Zayn had to like it. Still, a night of excessive drinking was probably _not_ what the doctor ordered but damned if it wasn’t what Zayn needed.

 

***

 

Zayn didn’t even know what time it was when he and Niall stumbled back to their flat, dreaded to think. Louis had joined them for a couple of hours but he had had a little more sense, breaking away before it got too late so he wouldn’t be an absolute train-wreck at work the next day. Zayn really should have gone with him but Niall had showed no inclination of leaving and Zayn was a little _too_ drunk to be making rational decisions.

“Niall, Niall, Ni’,” he called, blindly reaching for his friend and clasping the back of his jacket. “Still want that tattoo man.”

“Yeah, we should get all of them!” Niall agreed, eyes wide and borderline wild. “All the tattoos, all of them.”

“Now?” Zayn asked in disbelief.

“No, no, no. Tomorrow,” Niall blabbered on, nearly falling and laughing raucously when Zayn caught him. “Like, we’ll call in sick from work and tattoo each other, yeah? Want a…a guitar!” he proclaimed, slapping his arm. “Like here, right here!”

“A really big one!” Zayn added in delight.

“Yeah, a really big one!” Niall repeated, turning towards their apartment block.

“Hey Niall,” Zayn beckoned, pulling him back. “Changed my mind. Don’t want the tattoo, okay? Want…want to shout instead.”

“Shout?” Niall quizzed, squinting at something through the darkness off to Zayn’s right.

“Yeah, shout, like really loud. How do you say it? Get it off your chest. But like, get it out,” Zayn elaborated clumsily.

With that, Zayn scrambled onto the retaining wall of the garden right in front of their flats, ignoring Niall’s urgent hiss of his name and the fierce tugging on his shirt. Pushed him away because he _needed_ to say it, felt like he’d go mad if he didn’t. Cupping his hands around his mouth, Zayn took a deep breath before shouting out into the frigid night,

_“Fuck Liam Payne!”_

Someone down the street yelled at him to shut up, a couple of others hooted out of their window, Zayn grinning maniacally. He then yelped as Niall yanked him down, dragging him towards the door. The closer he got, the more Zayn realised exactly _why_ Niall had been trying to shush him.

“Zayn…”

Zayn didn’t even spare him a glance as he typed in the code for the door. “Hello _Leeyum_.” The tone was scathing, Liam flinching. The door buzzed open and Zayn stepped through it, waiting for Niall to pass before adding coldly. “Goodbye _Leeyum_.”

Slamming the door shut, Zayn let Niall lead him up to the flat, all previous energy drained from his body, lead taking its place. Niall pushed him into his room but Zayn unconsciously whimpered at the darkness, hands shaking by his side. “Ah shit,” Niall muttered, coming back and hooking his arm through Zayn’s. “Come on Zee, share with Nialler tonight.”

Those were probably the best words Zayn had heard all day.

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops...that could have gone better. .xx Dan


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to everyone who left comments on the last chapter - we should have Liam's explanation coming soon! .xx

 

Zayn was definitely more than a little hungover the next day, vainly trying to hide behind Niall and finding convenient reasons to vanish every time Anna came to talk to him. He’d received a text from Liam,

_I’m so sorry. Please can we talk?_

But Zayn hadn’t replied. He needed some time, he’d told himself, but really Zayn knew he’d never text Liam back. The message would sit in his inbox until it was drowned out by all the others, his name disappearing further and further into the depths of his phone. Zayn considered it a god send at least that Liam hadn’t called, hadn’t attempted to reach him that way.

Although maybe he should have because Zayn would have very much preferred that to Liam coming to stand in the salon doorway on Tuesday morning, rocking on his heels uncertainly. Zayn felt rage flood him, furiously gesturing at Niall to cover him while he stormed to the front of the store, cutting Liam off with a single, sharp hand gesture.

“Don’t you _fucking_ dare,” he ground out. “This is my _work_ Liam. You cannot come here and corner me like this.”

“I just want to talk,” Liam pleaded, eyes wide and hopeful.

“Too bad. I _don’t_ ,” Zayn snapped, folding his arms. “I want to _work_. You need to go.”

“Zayn, _please_.” Liam was reaching for him, Zayn shaking him off with a sharp “ _don’t!_ ”. “It wasn’t-”

“I don’t _care_ what I _thought_ it looked like!” Zayn cried, knowing his voice was now too loud but not caring. “I don’t _want_ to talk about it and I want you to go. You need to leave.”

“Don’t do this Zayn. Please just let me-”

_“Leave Liam!”_

“ _Zayn!_ ” Zayn cringed at his boss’ voice, well aware of how much trouble he was going to get into for making a scene like this. “What is going on?” Anna demanded harshly as she came up beside him.

“Zayn’s ex won’t leave him alone even though Zayn caught him cheating on him!”

Liam’s eyes widened at Niall’s icy tone and Zayn had never felt more mortified but what shocked him more was the gentle hand suddenly on his arm. “Zayn…” He had never heard Anna so soft. When she turned to Liam though, that fiery anger he was used to was back. “Is that true? Did you cheat on _my Zayn?”_

“I-…” Liam stumbled, cowed by the number of accusing eyes now looking his way, Zayn oddly triumphant at that. “It wasn’t-”

“It’s a simple question,” Anna interrupted sternly. “Did you cheat on Zayn? Niall seems to think you did.”

“It were Zayn what saw him kissing her!” Niall interjected and Zayn could physically _feel_ the temperature of the room drop. Liam felt it too, if the way he tensed was anything to go by.

“ _How could you?_ ” Anna asked, hand still wrapped around Zayn. “That is a disgusting thing to do, to Zayn or to _anyone! No one_ deserves to be treated like that. You should be ashamed of yourself and Zayn has every right to tell you to leave.”

His boss was on fire.

“He wants you to leave,” Anna repeated firmly, accepting no arguments. “And so you will. You are to step out of my shop and never step back in it, do you understand?”

Liam gaped. “But I-”

Anna snapped her fingers. “ _Out_.”

Liam sent a pleading look Zayn’s way but Zayn refused to meet his gaze, throat clogged as Liam slunk away, shoulders bowed in defeat. It almost made Zayn want to chase after him; almost. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Zayn furiously blinked at the ceiling, forcing away tears. He could see Anna watching him in his peripheral vision.

“Thanks,” he forced out, voice not as steady as he’d like.

Anna pursed her lips, dropping her hand away but eyeing him up sombrely. “No one deserves that Zayn. Do you want the afternoon off?”

Any other day Zayn would have leapt at the chance, could see Niall’s mouth hanging open in disbelief behind him, but he shook his head. “No. I actually _want_ to work today. Keep busy and all.”

She nodded unhappily but seemed to know that there was no point in arguing. Ignoring the sympathetic looks everyone in the salon was giving him, Zayn went back to work. A steady stream of ins and outs kept him busy until closing, tossing the last of the towels into the wash before reaching to where he kept his bag. He came up short though when he found something tucked into the space beside it, a slip of paper stuck on top. Brow furrowing in confusion, Zayn dropped to his knees, pulling the note into the light.

_Since you won’t go home. x_

That was definitely Anna’s handwriting, Zayn never having felt more taken aback in his life. He made a disbelieving sound when he found himself looking at a box of chocolates resting atop a Spiderman beanie. So it wasn’t a favourite superhero of his but it was such an indication that Anna had at least _tried_. Taking a picture of the items, Zayn typed out a text to Niall.

_Think we need to add Anna to our Christmas list this year_

A couple of minutes later the reply came.

_Shit. Think you’re right._  
_She did good today. Never thought she had it in her._

The next message came even later but it made Zayn’s heart ache.

_You’ll be ok Zayn._

Fuck.

 

***

 

Two days later and Zayn was going through their mail, mostly bills and whatnot, a variety of junk mail and catalogues that people really needed to stop delivering because it took up all their bin space. His flipping through came to a screeching halt when he found an actual hand-written letter in amongst all the nonsense. There was no stamp on it either, not even Zayn’s full address, just his name in what Zayn all too quickly recognised as Liam’s handwriting. No stamp, meaning Liam had physically come by to drop it off. Had he waited? Stood outside the apartment block in the vain hope that someone would let him in or that he’d bump into Zayn like it was just that simple? Turning the envelope over, Zayn didn’t know what to think.

_I know you won’t talk to me and I understand why. But please just let me explain? I’ll be ready whenever you are. I’m sorry Zed, I’m so sorry. ~Li’_

Willing himself not to sob even as his eyes filled with tears, Zayn slipped out of his shoes, shuffling down towards the living room. Chewing on his bottom lip so hard he thought he might draw blood, Zayn was momentarily distracted when he saw Louis sitting on his couch. “Lou’?”

“Hiya!” he called, not even looking up from the tv, oblivious to Zayn’s tears.

“What are you doing here?” Zayn asked carefully, so proud when his voice didn’t break.

“Came off me board wrong. Yours was closer so I came here to patch myself up.”

“You need to learn how to properly fall off your board,” Zayn chided, putting the mail down and deliberating between ducking into the kitchen or his bedroom before he lost it completely.

“Don’t patronise me Malik,” Louis scolded, swivelling round. “I-… _Fuck_. Zee, babe, what’s wrong?”

Zayn really didn’t stand a chance once Louis opened his arms. He flew across the room, throwing himself into Louis’ lap, the dam breaking as he cried. Louis hauled him as close as possible, not even caring that his shirt was becoming drenched in an unattractive mix of tears and snot. No, his only concern was shielding Zayn against the world, protecting the fragile pieces nestled inside his heart.

“What’s happened?” Louis pried gently, playing with the hairs at the nape of Zayn’s neck. “What set this off?”

“I just…” Zayn pulled away, shoving the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I thought Liam was _different!_ ” he cried, sob wrenching out of his throat. “I should have… _I knew it Louis!_ Because Adrien would never come home, _never!_ And I got that ‘cause he said he wasn’t out but he was a _fucking liar_ , kept taking _her_ home instead, kept taking Sarah because she was _normal!_ ”

“Zaynie, no. You’re-”

“And Liam said no and I thought it was ‘cause we were too new but I knew it Louis, _I knew it!_ It’s cause of _her!_ ” Zayn collapsed into Louis’ chest, struggling to breathe because of the pain. “It’s not _fair_ Louis, it’s not! I gave Liam _everything!_ I _trusted_ him!”

He couldn’t speak after that, sobs completely over-taking his body. If he’d been anywhere near coherent, he would have seen Louis gesture furiously to Harry, Harry who had patched up Louis’ scrapes and had been putting the first aid kit away when Zayn had come in. His eyes were now wide with a mixture of horror and understanding, Louis nodding curtly before jerking his head towards the door. Harry crept out of the flat with a rather impressive amount of skill but to be fair a hurricane probably could have torn through and Zayn wouldn’t have noticed.

“Easy Zaynie,” Louis was murmuring, rocking him gently and mindlessly whispering into his ear. All Zayn could do was clutch on tighter, let Louis hold him as wave after wave of pain crashed into him. For some reason he’d thought betrayal would hurt less the second time. In actual fact, it hurt more.

The flat door flung open and Zayn pressed himself further into Louis’ neck, not ready for another intrusion, not when he felt so raw.

“Hey, guess what? I just saw Harry-” Niall’s sing-song came to a dead end when he saw Zayn.

“I hope you told him to keep walking,” Louis told him, message clear and making the figurative lightbulb go off in Niall’s head.

“I did,” Niall whispered, dropping his bags and coming to sit next to Louis, slipping a hand into Zayn’s. “Bad day huh?” Zayn didn’t get a chance to answer because the next second Niall was ripping up his sleeves, yanking Zayn forward. “What the _fuck?_ ”

“Oh, those,” Louis said offhandedly in regards to the green and yellow bruises once again around Zayn’s wrists, so much more vibrant this time. “Don’t worry. Zayn _asks_ for them. _Enjoys_ Liam punishing him.”

Zayn frowned, recoiling slightly. “That’s not-”

“ _Jesus fuck_ ,” Niall breathed, tracing the marks with something akin to horror. “Zayn…this…”

“ _Fucking hell_ ,” Zayn growled, snatching his arms back and regaining some strength. “It’s like you two have never heard of BDSM before. It may not be for everyone but you don’t get to judge those who like it!”

“But he _hurt_ you!” Niall cried, actually sounding _distressed_.

“No he _didn’t!_ ” Zayn argued. “That’s what I’m telling you. It’s _okay!_ ”

“The hell it is!” Louis intervened, whirling Zayn around and holding him in place by his shoulders, refusing to let him escape. “I’d let this go if this was, as you say, a “thing” of yours. But it _isn’t_. You have _never_ let anyone do this to you, or at least not to this extent, up until Liam. Niall and I have _never_ seen you come home with marks like this and let me tell you, if you had, I’d be clawing out the throats of whoever was doing it.” He held up a hand when Zayn went to cut in. “I get that Adrien hurt you. I get that you’ll probably never truly get over that. What I’m not okay with is you blaming yourself for all the shit that went down between you and letting others punish you for it so you’ll feel less bad about yourself!”

“You said you weren’t taking it out on yourself,” Niall croaked, eyes shining with hurt. “You told me you wouldn’t.”

“It’s not about that. It was _never_ about that!” Zayn screamed, so angry because they just wouldn’t _listen_.

“Please,” Louis scoffed. “This is the kind of self-destructive behaviour you thrive o-”

_“It was because I trusted him!”_

Zayn’s voice seemed to fill the entire room, hands curled into fists as they slammed into Louis’ chest, tears once more rolling down his cheeks. “Z-Zayn…?”

“It was _never_ about being hurt!” he gasped, shaking his head furtively. “It was…Sometimes I feel like I can’t handle everything in my life, that it’s too much, you know? And I wanted someone else to take over, to have control. I gave that control to Liam because I _trusted him_. I didn’t _want_ him to hurt me – he _didn’t_ – I wanted him to push me but always catch me. To stretch me but never snap me. I…” He hiccoughed loudly. “It was always about trust. _Always!_ ”

“Oh shit.” Louis was bringing him back in, carding fingers through his hair. “That’s… _That’s_ what you meant. _Fuck Zayn_ , I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He nuzzled into Zayn’s cheek, sighing loudly. “And God, that only makes what Liam did so much _worse_. You gave him _everything_ Zayn.”

Zayn’s breath hitched, fingers curling into Louis’ shirt. “Louis?”

“Yeah Zaynie?”

“If you’d have asked me, last week…I would have said I loved him.”

_“Jesus Christ.” “Oh fuck no.”_

There was a wetness against his neck and with shock Zayn realised that Louis was now crying too, clinging back with just as much ferocity. “Louis…”

“Don’t ask me to stop,” Louis pleaded, shaking his head minutely. “Because I feel so angry right now. Let me cry or else I’ll punch something and the only thing close is Niall.”

“I am not a thing!” Niall screeched indignantly, successfully coaxing a giggle out of Zayn. He was then prying one of Zayn’s hands out of Louis’ shirt, thumbing over the back. “I know I said “no” the other day but, I think…” Zayn looked up as Niall paused, brow furrowed. “I think maybe…if you trust _me_ enough-”

Zayn froze.

“-can I tattoo them smoking lips on your hand? Like you’ve been wanting for months.”

Zayn nodded, turning his hand over so he could clasp Niall’s warmly. “I trust you.”

Hours later, Zayn’s hand wrapped in cling wrap, they were rolling around in Zayn’s bed together, exhausted from crying and emotional rollercoasters but in that stage where they were so tired that everything just seemed hilarious.

“You need to tattoo me one day Nialler!” Louis was saying, inspecting Zayn’s once more.

“Don’t say that, he’ll actually do it!” Zayn hollered, kicking Niall playfully when he attempted to flop on top of him.

“If you still haven’t let the kissing thing go…”

“What kissing thing?” Louis demanded, looking scandalised that this piece of gossip hadn’t reached his ears earlier.

“Zayn asked me to kiss him and then pitched a fit when I did,” Niall regaled flatly.

“I didn’t mean it!” Zayn protested, tackling Niall once more and sending them down in a mass of giggles. “You took advantage of me!”

“Hey, no!” Louis whined, dragging Zayn away from Niall and into his own arms. “You’ve never kissed _me!_ ”

“And I don’t want to,” Zayn jeered, poking his tongue out.

Louis pinched him sharply. “Fucking rude Malik! You should be honoured!”

“Not happening,” Zayn repeated firmly, folding his arms.

“Ha ha, he loves me more than you,” Niall sang, riling Louis up because it was _so_ easy to do.

“ _Zayn…_ ” Louis swapped back to him, eyes wide and bottom lip pouting. “How can you say that? You don’t love me as much as Niall? I thought…after everything we’ve been through…”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Zayn cried, yanking Louis down and smashing their lips together briefly. “There, alright? We have all kissed Zayn Malik. Satisfied?”

Louis seemed a little stunned that he’d actually done it, Niall too. With surprising ease, Zayn got them all to lie down, saying he was tired and that they could stay if they just shut up. Maybe he needed to kiss his friends more often if it made them this compliant. Niall broke away as long as it took to turn off the lights, slotting back in seamlessly and throwing a leg over Zayn’s waist as Louis curled up on his chest. His hand reached out, gently scratching at the shaved side of Zayn’s head. “I love you though Zayn, really.”

Zayn smiled, pressing his lips to the top of Louis’ head. “I know you do.”

“And me too, right?” Niall added, Zayn patting his thigh.

“You too, just as much. Love both of you, yeah? My best mates. For sure.”

Satisfied, they all drifted off in a tangle of limbs and a bed too small for three.

 

***

 

Liam had returned from his shift at work – he really _did_ get a job at _Tescos_ – and collapsed onto his bed. He’d stopped by Zayn’s flat earlier, hoping to catch either him or Niall, he hadn’t been sure. But he hadn’t run into either of them and had ended up leaving his letter in the mail box, hoping to God Zayn would at least _consider_ opening it one day. Not today, not even this week – although please, _please!_ – but _one day_.

He was brought out of his mindless staring at the ceiling by a knock on his door. Frowning, Liam swung his legs over the side of the bed and pulled the door open. Harry stood on the other side, face far more stern than Liam could ever recall seeing it. He let himself in without waiting for permission, brushing past Liam almost _coldly_ before turning around to stare at him, eyes hard.

“Who’s Adrien?”

Liam’s head cocked to the side. “Adrien?” he repeated in confusion.

“Do you know who Adrien is?” Harry reiterated.

It took Liam’s brain a couple of seconds to click over, answering uncertainly, “Do you mean…in regards to Zayn?” Harry nodded concisely. “Yeah, he’s Zayn’s ex. They had a bad break-up, that’s what he told me. Been together a couple of years he said.”

“Y-years?” Harry spluttered, eyes widening exponentially before he sunk onto Liam’s bed, cradling his head. “ _Fuck._ ”

“Harry?” Liam called worriedly, coming to crouch in front of him. He then recoiled as Harry’s eyes narrowed at him, sparking in fury. “Harry, what is-”

“Do you know _why_ Zayn and Adrien broke up?” Harry demanded.

Liam was almost afraid to shake his head, though he did it anyway. And when he did, he wished he hadn’t because…

“Well from what _I_ heard, Zayn broke up with Adrien after finding out Adrien was cheating on him. With a _girl_ ,” Harry emphasised, Liam paling. “And to make it worse, from what I gathered, it wasn’t _her_ that was the side piece, it was Zayn. Because _Zayn_ always tried to bring Adrien home for holidays but he wouldn’t come, felt bad he couldn’t do the same, because he wasn’t out, you know?” Harry scoffed. “Or so he told Zayn. While taking her home. _Every time_.” He raised an eyebrow at Liam challengingly. “Sound familiar?”

“I didn’t…” Liam couldn’t finish, voice lost in a sob but Harry merely shook his head sadly.

“You _did_ Liam. You fucking destroyed him Liam. You should have seen him! He was a _mess_. And I honestly don’t blame him! What you did wasn’t okay!”

“ _I know!_ ” Liam cried, flying to his feet and pacing around the room wildly. “I know it wasn’t but…Danielle had had this organised for _months_ and it were her parents’ wedding anniversary and I think she wanted to, I don’t know, at least have them believe we were okay, give them hope or whatever.”

“And _why_ would you go along with that?” Harry shouted, so much angrier than Liam had ever seen him. “You broke up in _August_. How long is she going to keep lying to them? It’s _December_ Liam.”

“I know.”

“Then you should have _known_ to say no!”

“I didn’t want to make things difficult for her!” Liam countered desperately, wiping away tears.

Harry paused for a moment before shaking his head. “Well, I’m glad you made her happy. Because it completely ruined everything you had with Zayn.”

Liam’s head bowed. “I know tha-”

“ _No Liam._ ” Harry’s words were like a knife, razor sharp and relentless. “I don’t think you do. You don’t get it. Zayn will _never_ get back with you. I saw it Liam, saw what your actions did to him. Zayn will _never_ be able to trust you again. You broke his heart in the worst way possible.” He shrugged. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…Zayn’s given up Liam. You won’t get your foot in the door and Louis and Niall wouldn’t let you even if you tried. And…I’m sorry Liam, but I am on Zayn’s side.” He sighed when Liam whimpered. “I know you had your reasons but that doesn’t make it okay. You knew what it would look like. There’s only so much heartbreak a person can take. Zayn’s hit that.”

“I never wanted to hurt him,” Liam whispered.

“But you _did_. And you hurt yourself too Liam because, if you hadn’t noticed, you’d been the happiest you’d been in _years_ when you were with Zayn. I hope fooling Danielle’s parents was worth it.”

With those biting words, Harry left, not even bothering to close the door which somehow seemed to make so much more of a statement. Liam stared at the empty doorway for a long time before sinking to the floor. He didn’t know how to fix this. Jesus, what had he done?

 

***

 

Zayn winced when he heard Niall bang his suitcase against the wall for what had to be the hundredth time.

“Are you packing it or attempting to make our flat open plan by singlehandedly knocking down all the walls Niall?” he bellowed out after one more _thud_.

Niall’s blond head popped around the corner, eyes narrowed. “Why don’t you be a fucking sport and come help me then Malik?”

Zayn spared little more than a glance away from the tv. “Nope. I’m watching this. Besides, I’m not flying off to Ireland and leaving their best mate for dead.”

“For dead,” Niall mocked, flipping him off. “Please. You’re heading home not even five hours after me you great shite.”

“I don’t even understand what you’re _doing_ ,” Zayn pointed out, swinging his legs over the edge of the couch and coming to where Niall had now laid his suitcase just beyond the hallway. “Why are you dragging it everywhere in the first place?”

“’Cause everything I need to take is all over the flat,” Niall grumped as he swiped something off the coffee table and lobbed it in.

Zayn raised an eyebrow. “So your great theory was that moving your suitcase from room to room was easier than bringing everything to _it?_ ”

Niall glared at him. “Shut up.”

“Not saying a word,” Zayn vowed, holding up his hands and heading towards the kitchen. “Want a beer though?”

“Sure, why not?”

Snagging two bottles from the fridge and opening them, Zayn got side-tracked by the mail once again. It had been haphazardly stacked on the edge of the bench which was indication enough that Niall had been bringing it in the past couple of days as Zayn, by comparison, would sort it into whose was whose and go through his on the spot. There wasn’t anything of too much interest but there _was_ a parcel delivery slipped time-stamped for that morning when they’d both been at work. Working out what time he’d have to leave tomorrow against the opening hours of the post office, Zayn sent his eyes skyward in frustration.

“Fucking hell,” he muttered, reading the notice again like it would make the times change.

“What’s that?” Niall asked, snatching the paper out of his hand.

“It’s mine and you _so_ cannot be finished packing already.”

Niall sneered at him before very pointedly grabbing one of the beers off the bench. Oops. Looks like he’d forgotten that little detail. Zayn offered a weak, apologetic shrug, Niall eyeing him up for a long moment before nodding. “Fine, just ‘cause I’m so nice I’ll tell you: post office has extended hours since it’s nearly Christmas. Shuts in an hour or so.”

Zayn blinked, a little off kilter as Niall handed the slip back. “Really?”

“Mmm,” Niall hummed, rounding the counter and picking some other random knick knack off the dining table. Zayn swore Niall had hidden every one of his presents for his family in a different room of their flat. He was also willing to bet that Niall would absolutely forget one or two because of it. “Who’s sending you a parcel anyway?” Niall asked, rearranging a couple of things so the more delicate presents wouldn’t get broken in the flight.

“No idea,” Zayn admitted, eyebrows drawn together in thought. “I mean, I’m seeing everyone for Christmas.” He then shook the paper. “Guess there’s one way to find out.”

“Don’t open it til you get back!” Niall ordered as Zayn shucked on his coat, chuckling at his friend’s general nosiness before braving the cold.

Thankfully it was only cold out, not a hint of rain in sight. If there had been, guaranteed Zayn would have stayed home and not bothered with this silly little errand. Although…curiosity was pulling at his heart strings something chronic so maybe he _would_ have gone out regardless. Tramping into the post office, Zayn detoured through the gift section, picked up an odd thing or two for his family as well as some liquorice for himself before heading to the counter. Sliding over his I.D., it wasn’t long before he was holding a simple, red parcel box. His excitement dropped the second he saw the label.

Liam Payne.

It was Liam Payne’s handwriting and _fucking hell_ , could he not just leave him alone?!

Thanking the woman behind the counter with a stiff smile, Zayn marched back to the flat, slamming the door shut with a little more force than necessary. Niall’s head whipped up in alarm, only becoming more confused when Zayn handed him the parcel before unceremoniously dropping onto the sofa and opening his liquorice with substantial force.

“Pretty sure this isn’t mine,” Niall stated redundantly, shaking the box at Zayn in a silent demand for an explanation.

“It’s from Liam. I don’t want it,” Zayn told him firmly. “You have it.”

Niall rolled his eyes. “Fat chance I’m going to want anything your ex bought for you.” He watched Zayn carefully even as he was opening it. “Did you ever read that letter he left you?”

Zayn folded his arms. “No.”

_“Zayn…”_

“ _No Niall!_ Why should I?!”

“Look, I dislike the guy as much as you do after what he did but he’s clearly not over you and he’s trying to make amends. I’m not saying you have to forgive him,” Niall placated, lifting Zayn’s legs up and sitting down before placing them back in his lap. “But I’m not saying it wouldn’t hurt to listen. Or understand.”

Zayn shot him a flat look. “You don’t want me to forgive him but you want me to listen to him…which will help me understand him so I can eventually forgive him.”

Niall harrumphed, pinching Zayn’s calf. “Fine, you’re too clever. I-…” he trailed off, eyes skimming whatever was on top. “Oh for God’s sake. Zayn, no, just listen: “ _Zayn, bought this before everything happened between us. Still felt right to give it you because you were what got me to where I am anyway. Merry Christmas, Liam._ ” There!” he finished grandly. “No love hearts, no kisses, just an honest letter. Take your fucking present Zayn!”

“I don’t want it!” Zayn protested, immaturely batting Niall away.

“I swear to God Malik,” Niall growled, fingers a little too tight on his hip to be joking. “Open your fucking gift ‘cause from what I can already see it’s specially picked for you. Take the damned present!”

“ _Fine!_ ” With a near flounce, Zayn sat up, ripping the parcel from Niall’s grasp and inspecting what was inside himself. It-…

Zayn’s heart stopped in his chest, fingers trembling slightly as he starting pulling each individual gift out as though they were made of glass. A dorky door sign with the words “ _this room belongs to ZAYN_ ” after the time Zayn had bemoaned to Liam how his name was never on _anything_. A bottle of the coconut body wash he’d admitted to loving after finding it at Liam’s but being a little too self-conscious to buy, turned off by the idea of Louis’ inevitable teasing. That one _Young Avengers_ comic he hadn’t been able to find. And – _fuck_ – to top it all off, a pair of _Timberland_ travel oxfords because Zayn _still_ hadn’t replaced those stupid boots that made his feet ache.

Niall’s voice was a quiet murmur against his ear. “He did good.”

“Yeah,” Zayn managed, wiping at eyes that were traitorously filling with tears. Taking in the items once more, Zayn’s throat closed over that little bit more when he added up the costs and realised that this would have been the total amount of Liam’s first pay cheque, his first week at _Tescos_. _That’s_ what he’d meant by Zayn being the reason behind it, because Zayn had pushed him to take any job that came his way. “I…” Zayn abruptly stood, wiping his palms on his jeans, wondering as to why they were even sweaty in the first place. “I think I’m going to read that letter now.”

Niall gave him a wide grin, clapping him on the back. “Alright. Well I’m going to turn in so if I don’t see you in the morning, Merry Christmas!”

“You too Niall,” Zayn returned, hugging him tightly. “Sleep well, yeah? And, like, safe trip if I don’t see you.”

Niall shot him a thumbs up, making for his room while Zayn pattered down to his own. Liam’s letter was where it always was: the top drawer of his bedside table. Zayn had been tempted to open it several times but never as much as tonight. Sitting cross-legged on his bed, he hesitated once more before tearing open the envelope. Taking one last breath, Zayn read the words on the page.

 

_Dear Zayn,_

_I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry Zayn. More sorry than I’ve ever been in my life. I need you to know that. Needed to get that out **first**._

_I wanted to do this face to face but I understand why you don’t want to talk me. I wouldn’t talk to me either, I think. Maybe you’ll know by the time you’re reading this but that girl was Danielle. It was her parents’ anniversary and she wanted to make the day special for them; we’d had it planned for months. I think it was their 30 th or something? The kiss you saw was the only one. Not that that makes it okay. It doesn’t. _

_I should have said no Zayn. I wanted to make Danielle happy and do her a favour for old time’s sake but this was a stupid one, right? I really should have just said no. At the very least I should have told you what was happening and not hidden it. And also agreed not to kiss her. I hated doing that. I hated it even more after what it did to us._

_I don’t mean this an excuse or an “I guess we’re all okay now”, I just wanted you to know. I wasn’t cheating on you and I wasn’t getting back with Danielle. I was with **you** Zayn. I **wanted** to be with you. I still do and I messed that up and I’m sorry. I think I’ll always be sorry. You were the best four months of my life Zayn._

_Please take care of yourself. And be happy. You deserve it._

_Love Liam .x_

 

It was as though there was no air in the room. Zayn read the words over and over, replaying them and scrutinising them letter by letter. It wasn’t okay, it didn’t make him forgive Liam, but it…It wasn’t as bad as maybe he’d first thought. Liam hadn’t betrayed him in _that_ way. But it still hurt. Still didn’t make Zayn think getting back with Liam was the right thing to do.

No, their months had been incredible – the best, as Liam had said – and they could keep those memories but that’s all they would do. And in them, they would find the strength to be strong. Nodding, Zayn pulled out his phone, knowing Niall was already asleep just from the heavy breathing coming from down the hall. It didn’t stop him from typing out the text though, mirroring the message Niall had sent him that day Liam had come to the shop.

_I’ll be ok Niall._

And, for once, he believed it.

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so obviously Zayn's not ready to let Liam back in yet; I felt like it would be a hard thing for him to get over, especially the second time around. Sorry if you were expecting happiness! XD


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so my laptop just had an hour long argument over whether it would open Google chrome or not. Jokes on it, I won!

 

“You try that one more time Horan and I will throw you out the window.”

Niall made a noncommittal noise at Louis’ threat, Zayn snorting in disbelief from where he was tucked up next to Niall, legs hanging over the arm of the couch. Louis had invited them all around to play Mario Kart before their respective jobs opened again with the new year and, needless to say, he was taking losing less than graciously.

“Should invite Harry,” Louis grumbled as Niall crossed over the finish line in first place. “He at least has the decency to suck.”

Niall laughed loudly. “Sure, bring him round. It’d be a laugh. Plus, I should probably get to know the guy since you two are an item and all.”

Louis flushed but didn’t deny it, Zayn tilting his head back so he could smile softly at him. Louis ruffled his hair affectionately. Zayn then hesitated before saying, “And, like, if Niall stays where he is-” i.e. between Zayn and all other people in the room “-you should tell Harry to bring Liam too. They _are_ best friends. Isn’t really fair to divide them like that.”

Louis’ eyes widened marginally. “You sure?”

Zayn pointedly went back to browsing the net on his phone, feigning indifference. “Suggested it didn’t I?”

“Okay…”

As Louis typed out a message on his phone, Niall gave Zayn a proud pat to the head. Zayn ignored it, shifting into a more comfortable position and slipping into a sort of doze. His impromptu near-nap was brought to an end by Louis dashing upstairs, coming back seconds later with Harry and Liam on his heels. Harry seemed more than familiar with Louis’ room, dropping onto the bed without thought while Liam hesitated before gingerly taking a seat next to him.

“Alright boys?” Niall called, craning his head back and offering up the controller.

“Yeah,” Harry replied, Liam nodding and accepting the controller. His eyes then widened upon sighting Zayn, who was eyeing him up carefully.

“Hi Zayn,” Liam greeted, voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah, hi,” Zayn grumped, shifting slightly closer to Niall and letting his eyes flick over to Harry. “You good?”

Harry nodded, if not a tad awkwardly. Zayn bit back the urge to sigh. God, if he’d known everyone was going to make this difficult, he wouldn’t have suggested bringing Liam. Couldn’t they just ignore each other and have everyone else fill in the gaps? It wasn’t hard people!

“Your hair looks good,” Liam managed, as if trying to find where the lines were.

Zayn ran a hand through his hair, a combination of greens and blues in that typical “mermaid hair”, as it was called. “Thanks.”

Liam looked a little caught off guard by the lack of response, wringing his hands together. “Look, Zayn, I’m-”

_“No.”_

The entire room froze, everyone’s gaze swapping between Zayn and Liam borderline frantically. Louis looked chastising, Niall disapproving, Liam shocked, but Zayn wasn’t taking any of it.

“This is not the place to have that conversation,” he ground out. “Louis invited you two over to play Playstation. Do that.”

“Does that mean we _will_ have it, at some stage?” Liam guessed, twisting Zayn’s words in a way he hadn’t meant.

Zayn snorted, swivelling around and turning his attention to the screen. “We’ll see.”

Louis looked ready to interrupt but Niall cut him off, shooting Louis a warning look before setting the tournament back into full swing. They descended into madness after that, a cacophony of screaming and death threats coming as they sabotaged each other. Louis was hurling insults left, right, and centre, which achieved nothing other than a couple of patronising looks from Zayn. Zayn played only the odd round when it was forced upon him, more content to watch, but he was acutely aware of Liam’s gaze on him the whole time, like a cat ready to pounce.

Eventually Zayn couldn’t stand it anymore, thrusting his controller into Louis’ hands, pecking Niall’s cheek before swinging his legs over the side of the couch and shouldering his backpack. “Going home,” he announced as he stepped over Louis’ legs, smacking him when he tried to trip him. “See you all later.”

Jogging up the ground level, Zayn heard the sharp “ _don’t!_ ” just as he reached the front door. Tearing out, Zayn slammed the door shut before bolting down the street. He could hear the footsteps behind him, yelping when a hand curled around his arm.

 _“Fuck off!”_ he screamed, knocking Liam’s hand away and glaring at him, chest heaving. “Leave me alone.”

“I will if you just talk to me,” Liam promised, eyes wide and pleading. “Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

Zayn shook his head, backing away, closer to the stairs that would take him to the underpass, to freedom. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Did you even read them?” Liam asked, hands dropping to his sides.

“You mean the letters?” Zayn guessed, hackles rising when Liam nodded. “The letter you said _wasn’t_ an excuse or a way to make me forgive you? And yet here you are, now, annoyed that I’ve read them and yet still don’t want to get back with you.” He scoffed. “I’m not getting back with you Liam. Not now, not ever. Write as many letters as you want. It doesn’t change what you did.”

“I know it wasn’t okay!” Liam cried, tugging on his hair in frustration. “Fuck Zayn, I _know_. But you make it sound like I can never be forgiven for it. Don’t I get a second chance?”

Zayn froze. “A second chance? You think…You think you deserve a second chance? After… _fuck_ , after _cheating_ on me? You’re allowed to break my trust but get it back just like that-” he snapped his fingers by way of demonstration “-because you deserve a _second chance_.” Zayn shook his head, arms coming to hug his chest. “You deserve _nothing_ Liam. At least, not in my life.”

“But I’m _sorry_ ,” Liam insisted, tearing up even as he stepped closer, something that made Zayn take several steps back hurriedly. “I’m sorry Zayn. I didn’t mean to mess things up. I want to fix it.”

Zayn held up a hand, backing away even further. “ _I_ don’t. I just-”

“Zayn.”

“-don’t think we’ll be able to work again-”

_“Zayn.”_

“-and maybe that’s more your fault than mine but I-”

_“Zayn!”_

Liam was flying forward but it was too late, Zayn tripping as he took one step too far back, accidentally stepped over the lip of the stairs. His arms flailed but it was no use, balance already gone. It felt like he fell forever, stars bursting out from behind his eyes as his head smacked into the concrete. Then it was all black.

 

***

 

He’d seen Zayn getting closer and closer to the edge. Had tried to warn him but it had all been for nought. Liam was pretty sure he’d stopped breathing from the second Zayn tipped backwards. He’d tried to grab him but he’d been too far away, flinching at the sound of Zayn’s head hitting the stairs.

_“Zayn!”_

Liam was sprinting to his side, dropping onto the stairs closest and hefting Zayn’s torso up into his arms. A soft shake garnered no response, Zayn’s eyes stubbornly remaining closed. With trembling fingers, Liam traced where he thought the impact site was, making a stilted noise when his hands came away tainted with blood.

“No, no, no,” he begged, shaking Zayn a little harder. “Zed, come on. Babe please.”

“Zayn? Liam?”

Louis! It suddenly came back to him, something Harry had said about Louis having a nursing degree but being unable to find work in his chosen field, hence the job at the skate shop. And yeah, apparently skate shop not hairdressers. But only one bit of that mattered now.

“Louis! Help!”

There was swearing from what sounded like Niall, steps having above him, Liam watching as Harry and Niall paled, Louis stiffening when he spotted them. “Fuck. Did he fall?”

“Yes,” Liam gasped, choking back tears.

Louis was by his side in a second, own fingers ghosting over Zayn’s skull. He found the bump quickly enough, beckoning Harry over. “You’ve got your phone Haz. Switch on the light please and hold it here.” He pointed where he wanted the light, Niall hopping from foot to foot anxiously.

“Should I call the ambulance?” he asked.

Louis hummed before shaking his head. “I don’t think so. It’s just a bump. It’ll hurt like a bitch but yeah.”

“He’s bleeding though,” Liam pointed out, voice thick with concern.

“Heads always bleed a lot,” Louis explained calmly. He peered a little closer at the cut, brushing Zayn’s hair aside. “I’m ninety percent sure he’s fine. Concussion’s pretty likely so we’ll definitely keep an eye on him.”

“We should get him home,” Niall murmured, finally coming closer and running a hand through Zayn’s hair softly.

“I’ll bring the car around,” Louis stated, getting to his feet. “You lot get him there. And don’t try to wake him. Just let him sleep; at least til we get home.”

With Niall and Harry’s help, Liam was able to stagger to his feet, Zayn in his arms. Niall tucked Zayn’s head against his shoulder as Harry climbed back to the top so he could see Louis when he came. Pretty soon they were all in Louis’ car, Harry up in the front while Niall was in the back because where else would he be? The car thrummed underneath them as they drove across town.

“What were you talking about?” Louis asked tentatively.

Liam really didn’t want to have this conversation. “Nothing.”

Niall snorted. “Sure. Sounds exactly like Zayn.”

That earnt a laugh from Louis, Liam unable to stop of the quirking up of his own lips. “It wasn’t…” He sighed, rubbing at his neck. “I…Let’s just say it didn’t go how I wanted.”

Harry turned around in his seat, frowning. “What does that mean?”

“Means he won’t forgive me,” Liam muttered bitterly.

Niall exchanged a look with Louis and Liam quickly picked up on that. He went to ask what it was when Niall sighed loudly, shifting sideways so he could trace Zayn’s features with a finger. “He can’t forgive you because it hurts too much.”

Harry’s lips pursed. “It hurt Liam too.”

“It’s not the same,” Louis interjected softly.

“Look, I know what I did was horrible,” Liam said, voice firm. “And it’s so much worse because Zayn’s been there before but it didn’t mean anything. I want to show him that. I’m trying to show him that…but he won’t _let_ me. I want to make it up to him.”

“It hurts because he loved you.”

Niall’s words hit the car like a bomb. Harry’s jaw dropped, Louis gripped the steering wheel tighter, and Liam felt the blood drain from his face. “What?” he rasped.

“That’s what he said, after he caught you cheating,” Niall continued, very pointedly not looking at Liam. “Said he loved you and you just…” he shrugged. “Guess he thought you didn’t feel the same. Why else would you kiss her? I mean, if you loved him the same, you know?”

“I…” Liam’s gaze dropped to the boy in his arms. “ _Shit_.”

 

***

 

Groggy was the word Zayn would use to describe himself when he woke up. He let out an involuntary groan as his eyes struggled to open, brain sluggishly ticking over. The familiar weight of his duvet on top of him told him he was in his bed but, with a frown, he realised he couldn’t remember how he’d gotten there. No, the last thing he remembered was being at Louis’ and playing Mario Kart…then Harry and Liam came and then…Oh.

Yes.

He remembered arguing with Liam now, remembered them screaming at each other in the rain. Remembered the anxiousness that had been near frantically clawing at his throat, made him desperate to get away, because he couldn’t handle the things Liam made him feel, the conflictions those feelings brought about in his head and in his heart. He couldn’t remember what happened after that though. Couldn’t even recall how the conversation had ended if he was being honest. And, _fuck_ , did his head _hurt_.

“…yn? Zayn?” There was a soft shake on his shoulder. “Hey, are you awake? Can you open your eyes for me?”

It took Zayn a second to realise why that voice was filling him with dread. Because it was Liam’s. _Liam_ was in his _room_.

His eyes shot open and Zayn was struggling to sit up even as a firm hand was pushing him back down. “No, let me go!” he cried, protesting weakly. “Get out of my roo-”

“I’m not leaving because Louis told me not to – not if you have a concussion, which he’s on the fence about.”

The word “concussion” had Zayn pausing in his failing, blinking up at Liam owlishly. “Concussion?”

Liam looked incredibly guilty for some reason, avoiding his gaze furiously. “Yeah, after you…you know, fell? On the stairs, you tripped. Right?”

Mulling that over, Zayn sucked in a harsh breath. “Yes, I remember.” A hand came to touch where his head was throbbing worst, hissing when his fingers reached a particularly sore spot. “Guess I found the impact site.”

“It doesn’t need stitches,” Liam assured him quickly. “Louis was absolute on that. But he,” Liam started fidgeting again. “He…”

“He wants you to shine a light in my eyes, ask me if I feel sick, how bad my headache is, do I know what day it is. What?” he asked in response to Liam’s stunned look. “I’ve fallen off my board more than enough times. I know the routine.”

“So you won’t fight me?” Liam pressed. Zayn grudgingly nodded, letting Liam run through Louis’ dot-pointed list, making a pleased sound when done. “You seem fine,” he concluded.

“Hallelujah,” Zayn cheered sarcastically, watching as Liam tapped away at his phone. “I’m guessing Louis and Niall are back at work and so you’ve been set with baby-sitting me?”

Liam glared at him more sharply than Zayn would have expected. “Your friends are _concerned_ Zed. God forbid.”

“Well I’m fine now _Leeyum_ ,” he spat back, finally managing to sit up before Liam could stop him, folding his arms haughtily. “And since I am, you can go. I’ll be fine til Niall clocks off.”

“Zayn…”

 _“Liam.”_ Out of the corner of his eye, Zayn saw Liam stiffen at his unrelenting tone. “My feelings haven’t changed since last night. I won’t do this again.”

“…even though you love me?”

Zayn’s head snapped around razor fast, eyes wide. “Who told you?”

“So it’s true,” Liam breathed, shocked. “You do. Which…Zayn, I…I lov-”

“Don’t you _fucking dare_ ,” Zayn interrupted, actually slamming a hand across Liam’s mouth. “You don’t get to say those words to me. And it’s not “I love you”, it’s “I _loved_ you”, past tense.” He gestured between them. “Whatever we had, it’s finished. We had our four months, we had our time. Treasure it Liam, treasure the memories like I do but leave them there.” His hand dropped away as he sunk back onto his haunches, eyes finding his lap. “Leave them as memories.”

“How can I when I know you feel as strongly as I do?”

Liam’s voice was so soft and honest that Zayn felt it more harshly than a slap. “I don’t…” he shook his head. “Liam, I’m sorry. But if we did feel the same, truly, we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all. Your actions wouldn’t have led us here.” He held up a hand when Liam made to speak. “I know you had your reasons and yes, I sort of understand them. Fuck, no, I actually _do_ understand them-”

“Then why-”

“But you and I…Liam, I’m fucked up and I know it. Scars don’t go away and…” Zayn bowed his head. “I _won’t_ be able to trust you from now on. And that’s not fair. For you, I mean. You should be with someone who trusts you completely. I can’t do that, won’t _ever_ be able to do that. I won’t disrespect you like that Liam,” he ended firmly. “And so no, I won’t get back with you. For what it’s worth, I _am_ sorry.”

Liam eyed him up for a long time, clearly weighing up his words. He eventually nodded, slipping out the room. That action was a little unexpected, Zayn would admit, until Liam came back several minutes later with a cup of coffee, an apple, and a chocolate bar.

“Fuel til you’re up to, well, getting up,” he explained, taking up his spot in the chair again, the one Zayn only now realised was from his tattoo station and must have been dragged over sometime during the night. “And okay, I get it. Maybe I don’t like it but then, like you said, _I_ did this – stupidly – so I have to live with that. I _do_ have a question though.”

Zayn peered over the rim of his coffee mug, trying not to let his dread show. “Yes?” he asked cautiously.

“You’re a cool guy Zayn,” Liam said earnestly. “I really love just hanging out with you and meeting up and chatting and…we don’t have to be romantic, okay? But can we at least be friends? Can we still talk and hang out without it being weird?”

Under those pleading eyes and sheer desperation, Zayn was powerless. He offered a smile he hoped passed. “Yeah, okay. Why the fuck not?”

 

***

 

Somehow, amazingly, it actually worked. Zayn found himself shocked at how easily he and Liam fell together as friends. Oh sure, they’d liked each other before, done things together, learnt about each other, had mind-blowing sex, but somehow this was on a different level. Zayn was surprised to find that once he was over his fear that Liam was just waiting for the right moment to ask him out, they slotted together near perfectly. Without the constant questioning of boundaries - of knowing if he was doing too much, not enough, showing enough affection – Zayn felt inexplicably more at ease. Pretty soon hanging out with Liam became one of his favourite things to do.

Louis and Niall had been wary at first, Louis hawk-eyeing Liam every time he came near Zayn, wanting to keep him from harm. Niall’s attention was always on Zayn, making sure he was holding up rather than hiding behind a mask while he deteriorated completely inside. But within weeks they’d accepted the change too, Niall with a friendly slap on the shoulder and Louis with a more contemplative look. Zayn didn’t like to think about that look too often.

As it was, he’d just bounced – bounced? Maybe more subtly bopped – back into the salon before spotting one of his favourite customers sitting off to the side and flipping through a magazine as she clearly waited for him.

“Hey Pez,” he greeted, bending down and twirling a lock of her hair around his index finger teasingly.

“Break it you fix it,” she warned idly, even if she was smiling widely.

Zayn placed a hand over his heart cheekily. “I would never.” He then waved her over to his usual chair. “What today? Green, purple? Ombre? How about grey?”

“Am I going to get a say or not?”

Zayn chuckled under his breath. “Of course. What’ll it be?”

“Thinking pastel pink,” Perrie told him, nose screwing up at something in her reflection. “Although those roots need to be touched up.”

Zayn hummed in agreement, setting everything up and starting to apply the bleach.

“So how’s life treating you?”

Zayn tutted. “Perrie, that’s my question.”

“Oh, I know you don’t care,” she shot back good-naturedly. “I’m not blind Malik, you zone out within seconds. I, however, _am_ interested. And so, what’s new?”

“Nothing,” Zayn admitted with a shrug. “It is business as usual over here.”

Perrie looked like she didn’t believe him at all. “Fine,” she huffed. “But I have to know, what are you doing for Valentine’s Day?”

Zayn frowned. “Valentine’s Day?” He quickly calculated the date in his head, nose scrunching up a bit. “Is it really on Thursday? Fair enough then. But no plans.”

“No plans?” Perrie’s gaze through the mirror made him freeze.

“Um, no? Should I have…?”

“And where is the boy who was here last time I was? What did you call him? Lionel?”

“Liam,” Zayn correctly gently, sighing heavily. “And we’re just…We’re not _that_ anymore, okay? We’re friends. We work better as friends.”

Perrie snorted – loudly. “And who told you that nonsense? Think I didn’t see you two last time? You were bril’ together. Goals and what have you. Thought you were properly loved up. How did that just-” she waved a hand vaguely, “-turn into “we’re just friends”?”

“It just did,” Zayn ground out.

Perrie’s face immediately lost its teasing edge, reaching for him though he batted her away kindly enough. “Oh Zayn. I’m sorry.”

“It’s _okay_ ,” he stressed, lied if her pitying expression was anything to go by. “We…Liam and I are great friends. He’s almost my _best_ friend. He’s a wonderful guy you know. And…look, he fucked up and then I fucked up so our whole relationship is fucked.”

“You’d be surprised how far a simple “sorry” goes.”

Zayn reeled slightly, eyes wide. “I-…He started it!”

“Are you _five?_ ” Perrie demanded incredulously. “It doesn’t matter who started it! What matters is how you feel and from the way you won’t even look at me right now-” Zayn flushed scarlet, “-I’m guessing you already know who you feel. You-”

“Don’t,” Zayn begged, slamming his eyes shut.

Perrie carried on regardless. “You love him.”

Zayn bit back a sob, trying to stop his shoulders from shaking because he knew. He knew, okay? He’d known for awhile. Known that he loved Liam, that he’d been hurt but that that feeling had never gone away. He’d been angry and betrayed but his feelings had never changed. He still loved Liam. Fuck, he loved Liam Payne.

“I love him Pez,” he choked out, letting her take his hand this time. “I…”

“You’ve always known,” Perrie finished, pleased when he nodded in agreement. Her next question was heavier. “Can you make it up to him?”

“There’s nothing to make up,” Zayn admitted because what even _was_ between them? “I just…I told him no in a way that meant he had no way of putting his foot back in the door. How do I justify kicking it back open?”

“By admitting to him you should never have shut it in the first place,” Perrie answered decisively.

That…that actually made sense. “Do…do you think?”

She winked. “I don’t think, I know.”

Zayn’s expression turned flat. “Of course you do.” He then threw his hands in the air in relief as the timer went off. “Come on girl, let’s wash that out. Get that pink on.”

 

***

 

Grating to a stop and kicking his board up, Zayn jogged to the front door of Louis’ share house. Unlocking it with the spare key Louis had given him months ago – something Zayn had demanded after he discovered Louis locked himself out more than the average person and his solution was to camp out at _Zayn’s_ until one of his housemates came home – Zayn made for the stairs that led to the basement level. Rapping on the door out of politeness, he blinked twice in bewilderment at hearing swearing. And not surprised swearing, more like angry.

He was already backing up two steps when Louis’ head popped out the door. “What?” he hissed.

He was also shirtless, panting, and some freshly blooming hickeys were on his neck. Ah. Zayn quickly held up his hands.

“Nah, don’t worry. Catch you later Lou’.”

“Zayn! Fuck!...Haz, wait…” Louis bounded after him, managing to wrap a hand around his arm whilst also keeping a foot wedged in the doorframe to stop it from closing. “You don’t ever come here like this,” Louis’ voice was pitched perfectly so Harry wouldn’t overhear. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” At Louis’ disbelieving face, he pinched his hip sharply. “It _is_ nothing; I just wanted to chat. It can wait; you’re busy.”

Louis started to protest. “I’m no-”

“You _are_ ,” Zayn insisted, pushing him back towards his bedroom. “Go. Your boy is waiting. He’s good for you.”

Louis softened at that, nodding concisely. “Okay…but Harry has a class at seven. Let’s meet at half-seven.” His eyes flickered to Zayn’s side. “Meet at the skate park.”

Zayn’s mouth curled up slightly in distaste at having to stay out but nodded. “Alright but you’re bringing fags. You owe me a pack.”

With that, Zayn unceremoniously stuffed him back through the doorway, laughing as Harry called out a rather loud goodbye in his direction. Scaling the stairs, Zayn mulled over his options before grabbing a sandwich and a cheap bottle of wine from _Tescos_. He then made his way over to the skate park he and Louis usually went to. An hour and a half or so later Louis appeared, taking one look at the wine and raising an eyebrow.

“Why are we having shitty wine Malik?” he asked, taking a swig before offering Zayn a cigarette.

Zayn shrugged, collecting the fag and lighting it before jumping off the fence he was perched on. “Nothing dramatic. Just whatever was cheapest, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Louis echoed, Zayn tipping over the lip of the half-pipe, momentum taking him to the other side before he popped back up next to Louis. “So what did you wanna talk about?”

Zayn grunted, moving aside as Louis took his turn, mindful of the younger teenagers that were still out and didn’t always look where they were going. “Just…wanted your opinion on whether what I was about to do was stupid or not.”

Louis skidded to a stop at that, frowning up at him from the bottom of the bowl. “And what’s so stupid Zayner?”

Zayn hesitated before taking a seat on the bowl’s rim, feet swinging back and forth. “…was thinking about asking Liam out again.”

“You’re shitting me.”

Zayn flinched. “Okay, shit idea.”

“No!” Louis interrupted, leaning up to grab Zayn’s hand, forcing him to meet his gaze. “No, I meant more along the lines of, holy shit you’re actually _considering_ giving Liam a second chance. I mean, not for nothing Zayn, but I totally wouldn’t have picked you for it. I…I know what he did hurt you.” His hand squeezed a little tighter. “I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to go back.”

“So you _don’t_ think it’s stupid,” Zayn challenged, eyes narrowing slightly. “You have no objections to Liam _personally_.”

Louis wrinkled his nose before shaking his head. “No I don’t. At first I wanted to hurt him so bad but now…I think he’s hurt himself more than I ever could and that doesn’t make it okay, like, it’s not an excuse but…it shows me you meant more to him than I would have thought. He’s a good guy Zayn,” he finished adamantly.

Zayn sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, I think so too.” Shaking off Louis’ grip, he stepped back onto his board. A few kicks and flips later he was back at Louis’ side, relieving him of the bottle of wine and taking a long pull. “And now I’m stuck on how the fuck to get him back. I…” Zayn’s gaze fell to his lap. “I wasn’t the nicest to him.”

Louis abruptly cuffed him over the back of the head. “You were short and you were cold but you were hardly _mean_.” Zayn hunkered down at the memory of shouting “ _fuck Liam Payne_ ” at the top of his lungs. “No one blames you for that. And you never tore Liam apart, not that I saw. All I ever saw was you pushing him away.”

“I still feel shit about it though,” Zayn admitted quietly.

“It’s okay that you do,” Louis murmured, slipping his hand into Zayn’s. “But it’s not okay for you to dwell on it. You have-”

“Fags!”

“Fuck off!” “What’s it to you mate?”

Zayn and Louis glared at the teenager who had dared to speak to them, the boy in question quickly losing all his bravado under their intimidating gazes and managing a pathetic flip of the middle finger before scuttling away. It succeeded in shaking Zayn out of his funk though, scowling at the kid’s back before looping an arm around Louis’ shoulder, drawing him in and making him jump a little in surprise.

“Oh, what’s this?” Louis’ mumbled, snuffling closer. “It’s my cuddly Zayn. I haven’t seen him in awhile. I like him.”

“Wanna know a secret?” Zayn whispered, burying his face in Louis’ hair. “He likes you too. Misses being this a bit too.”

“Zayn…”

Louis didn’t continue that, only wrapped Zayn up in his arms and let him hold him, snuggling into the embrace and occasionally pressing the barest of kisses to his temple. Zayn soaked up the affection, borderline craving it. He hated to admit it but he was. Zayn was one of those people that refused to let people touch him in general but there were times when all he wanted was a hug that never ended. Louis understood that and Zayn had no doubt he’d shoot a text Niall’s way later and the Irishmen would end up in Zayn’s bed by some completely random happenstance.

“Love you Zayn,” Louis reminded, eventually pulling away.

“Yeah, you too,” Zayn parroted, ruffling Louis’ hair fondly and starting to collect his gear. “Thanks for coming and talking man.”

“All good,” he assured, waving him off. “You’re my best mate Zayn; I’m always gonna be there for you. And hey,” he called, snagging Zayn as he went to leave. “Look, I know words aren’t your thing but it’s Valentine’s Day in two days, you love Liam…you’ll figure out what to say Zayn. You-…Zayn?”

He had it. Holy shit, he had it. The best way _he_ could apologise to Liam. The way to say the words without having them getting stuck in his throat or his brain short-circuiting mid-sentence. “You’re a fucking top lad,” Zayn gushed to Louis, smacking a kiss to his cheek before bolting away. “The best!”

And maybe he left Louis standing at the skate park looking after him blankly. But hey, maybe this time he didn’t even care.

 

***

 

Two nights later and Zayn was outside Liam’s house. He had it on good authority from Harry that Liam was the only one home and Zayn was desperately hoping that was true because if not, he was going to look like an absolute fool. Ringing the doorbell, Zayn stepped back into position, nervously bouncing on his toes until the door in front of him opened. There was a seemingly infinite moment of dread before Zayn recognised Liam in the doorway, dressed in sweats and coming up just as short at seeing Zayn there.

“Zayn?” he managed. “What are you doing here?”

Zayn took a breath before grabbing the veritable stack of card next to him. Flipping the first one over, Liam immediately caught on, hand coming to cover his mouth in an attempt to hide his blatant adoration.

“ _So I stole this from_ Love Actually,” it read, Zayn giving him time to read it before moving to the next one. “ _I don’t know why – I don’t even like it – it’s cliché and some scenes are gross – they don’t treat women very well_ -”

Liam snorted in amusement.

“ _But I’m shit at words – however – I can do this so… - I’m sorry_.” He held that sign up a little bit longer. “ _I forgive you. – I’m not perfect – obviously_.”

Liam actually laughed out loud there.

“ _But neither are you…except to me – **especially** to me…_ ” There was a long pause before Zayn presented Liam with the last sign. “ ** _I love you_**.”

He barely had time to blink before Liam was wrestling the cards out of his hands and cupping his face, crushing their lips together. “Christ Zayn. That… _Jesus_ , I love you.” Zayn made to pull away but Liam groaned, placing a hand over his mouth. “Don’t make a “Zayn will do fine” comment.” He rolled his eyes as Zayn pouted. “Knew it. But no,” he whispered, lips ghosting over Zayn’s. “I love _you_ , Zayn Malik.”

Zayn honest to God whimpered, hands curling in Liam’s collar, drawing him in for one more kiss. “Happy Valentine’s Day Li’.”

“You too Zed, you too.” 

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da~!  
> Also, yes, I stole the card idea from _Please Like Me_ basically word for word. If you don't watch the show, I would very seriously recommend. 10/10, aces.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um...so clearly no one liked the last chapter? Sorry, hopefully this chapter is a bit more to people's liking!
> 
> _Warning: there is attempted rape at the end of this chapter. Please take care if this may upset you._

 

Breaking off the kiss, Zayn sunk into the warmth of Liam’s arms, forgetting how much he’d missed them. Liam seemed just as content to pull him in, bundling Zayn up tight and nuzzling the delicate skin behind his ear. “Missed this so much,” he confessed, arms tightening ever so slightly.

“Missed it too,” Zayn muttered, shifting his weight and grabbing Liam’s face, intending to pull him down into a kiss. Liam halted him with a hand around the wrist though. “Li’?”

“Sorry Zayn, but no. We both know where that would lead.”

Zayn flushed under the insinuation, knowing it was true. “And would that be so bad?”

“No, it wouldn’t,” Liam chuckled, “But…I know you use sex as a distraction – an _amazing_ one but yeah. And besides, I _like_ what we’ve had the past few months.”

“Friends _without_ benefits?” Zayn demanded incredulously.

Liam tsk-ed at him. “Like you haven’t either. Us becoming friends, actually getting to know each other? It feels right Zayn, feels _better_.”

Zayn had to admit it was true. It led him to making a split second decision, taking a step away from Liam so they could talk without trampling on each other’s toes. “You got a bike?”

Liam frowned. “Harry does. It’s just here in the entryway.”

“He’s out with Louis, yeah?” Zayn asked, already knowing the answer as he slipped past Liam into the house, snorting at the little basket on the front of Harry’s duck egg blue bicycle. “He won’t be home tonight. He won’t miss it.”

“Why are we taking it in the first place?” Liam questioned, curious.

Zayn tapped the side of his nose. “That’s a secret Liam. Got any food we can nick?”

Liam huffed at him good-naturedly, padding down to the kitchen. “First you come to my door and apologise, then you plan to commandeer Harry’s bike, and now you’re stealing my food. Anything else Mr. Malik?”

“Nope,” Zayn chirped, accepting the containers Liam handed to him, leftover baking treats if he was seeing correctly. He raised an eyebrow at Liam.

“No Zayn, they’re not laced with weed.”

Zayn poked his tongue out. “Shame.”

Laden with goods, they returned to the hall, stuffing the items into the basket of Harry’s bike before wheeling it outside.

“You ride, of course?” Zayn surmised, ushering Liam on when he nodded. Before Liam could ask another question – because he was just dying to, wasn’t he? – Zayn ordered him to keep the bike steady. He then jumped up onto the handlebars, legs hanging either side of the basket. He sent a big cheesy grin Liam’s way. “Like a rom com, yeah?”

Liam looked like he didn’t know what to think, leaning more towards endeared than confused now. He chastely pressed his lips against Zayn’s. “Then where are we going, fair prince?”

Zayn snorted. “I’m hardly fair.”

But Zayn relayed his directions and they rode through the night, giggling and fooling around like love-struck teenagers. Arriving at a park, Zayn trudged halfway up a grassy knoll before flopping onto his back. Liam joined him momentarily, opening the brownies, offering the first pick to Zayn.

“A picnic,” he said, voice blank. “ _That’s_ what you wanted?”

“I like the stars,” Zayn replied with a shrug. “Can’t see them in the neighbourhood too well, get a better view from out here. And, like, picnics are romantic, aren’t they? All that cute shit and whatever.”

Liam chuckled softly, shuffling closer so their shoulders were touching. “Know a lot about stars then?”

“Not really,” Zayn admitted, gesturing loosely at the sky. “Could maybe find a constellation or two but…Doesn’t mean I can’t admire it.”

“No, it doesn’t,” Liam agreed. He then very clearly hesitated before requesting, “Tell me about Adrien?”

“Tell me about Danielle,” Zayn shot back, making Liam frown.

“Danielle? I’ve told you about her. What more do you want me to say Zayn?”

“Have you seen her since then?” he demanded, voice more harsh than he wanted but the hurt was still raw.

Liam pushed himself up so he could meet Zayn’s gaze. “ _No_.” It was one clear, concise word. “I flat out told her I wouldn’t. She called me once but only to tell me she’d told her family we’d broken up – finally. Said something about us growing apart, wanting different things, didn’t mention me being gay or anything. Let the blame fall to neither of us…or both of us. Whichever way,” he said with a wave of his hand, “She didn’t make me look bad. Which I’m thankful for.”

“It’s the _least_ she could do,” Zayn muttered. He then took a deep breath. “Adrien…we met in a bar. We were both out with friends and kinda drew to each other, I guess. I went home with him and the rest, as they saw, is history.”

Liam grimaced, Zayn nodding.

“Yeah, it was a bit like that. I was head over heels in love with him, you know Liam? Would have done anything for him, I reckon. Think maybe I did sometimes. Thought it was hard for him ‘cause he wasn’t out to his family.” Zayn scoffed derisively. “At least, that’s what he told _me_. I sympathised. I was a fucking idiot.”

“You were _kind_ ,” Liam corrected gently.

“Maybe, but still an idiot,” Zayn muttered. “Spent two Christmases feeling like shit because I got to spend it happy with my family while he was miserable back here. Of course later I found out he was never there at all. I…” there was suddenly a lump in Zayn’s throat, though he did his best to ignore it. “The day I found out he was cheating – like, I saw him with her and it was _so_ not PG - ”

“Oh Zayn…”

“But when I confronted him about it, asked how he could do that to me…” Zayn’s eyes sank shut. “He just…he _laughed_ Liam. Laughed and said, “Zayn, we were never _serious_.” The look in his eyes.” Zayn shuddered. “I’ll never forget it Li’. It’s like he didn’t even care and I…”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Liam breathed, pulling Zayn in when his breath started to hitch. He then suddenly inhaled sharply. “” _Thrown about, not thrown away_.” That’s what you said to me that first night. Jesus Zayn, I’m so sorry.”

Zayn bit back a whimper, trying for nonchalance. “For what? It wasn’t your doing.”

“Maybe not, doesn’t mean you deserved it. I’m sorry for that bit, for what you went through. And, on a lesser level, with me.”

“Liam,” Zayn groaned, finally pulling away. “I already said I forgave you. Let’s forget what happened between us. No repeats and I’ll consider it done.”

“No repeats,” Liam vowed adamantly. “So…what did Louis and Niall have to say?”

Zayn bit the inside of his cheek, thinking about that. “They…they didn’t know me before Adrien, actually. Like, Niall started at the salon the week after we started going out and Louis maybe a month after that so it…They didn’t know me _without_ Adrien, you know?” Liam nodded to show he understood. “I never actually realised how much I was with Adrien until I wasn’t. Like, I was suddenly at home alone going stir-crazy until I either sought out Louis or Niall and…” Zayn shrugged, burying his hands in his armpits to stop them going numb from cold. “We all realised just how dependent I’d been of him. Made them super protective. I love them for it though, they’re my best mates, no doubt.”

Liam nodded wisely once more. He then rolled his eyes. “You’re freezing, aren’t you?”

Zayn, who up until that point had been vehemently denying it in his head, flushed darkly, hoping the lack of light would hide it. “No.”

“I think I can hear your teeth chattering,” Liam teased, unbuttoning his coat and hefting Zayn onto his chest, wrapping the fabric back around both of them. “There, now we’re both warm.”

Zayn hummed. “Not seeing much of the stars though.”

“I prefer the ones in your eyes to be honest.”

“… _Leeyum_! That was so fucking bad!” Zayn burrowed into Liam’s neck, horrified. Liam merely laughed loudly, fondly running his fingers through his hair.

“Love you, you know?” he murmured.

Zayn returned the sentiment with a kiss to Liam’s collarbone, getting comfortable. With Liam’s fingers combing through his hair and his steady heartbeat under his hair, Zayn was asleep in seconds.

 

***

 

“Zayn?”

Zayn groaned as he was shaken lightly, recognising Liam’s voice. That made twice recently he’d been woken by Liam’s voice. He was also finding that he didn’t mind it so much. He slurred something that was passable as an “I’m up” under the worst of circumstances. Liam took it in its stride, coaxing him up.

“It’s nearly midnight and we both have work tomorrow. We need to go.”

“Comfy here,” Zayn whined, clutching on desperately when Liam attempted to sit up.

“Zed, I am too but we can’t sleep here. Come on, back to mine.” Zayn begrudgingly got to his feet, helping Liam up before trudging over to the bicycle. Liam eyed him up in concern. “You _are_ gonna be able to stay on, right? Won’t fall asleep half way?”

“I’ll be fine,” Zayn drawled, waiting for Liam to mount the bike and steady it before following suit. “Onwards Jeeves!”

He then yelped as Liam whacked him. “None of that please or I’ll make you walk.”

“You really wouldn’t.”

Liam backed down, shrugging innocently. “Yeah, guess not. Question though?” he asked as he started pedalling away.

“Yeah?” Zayn asked in turn, wincing at the frigid wind and actually starting to wonder if his fingers would go numb before they got home.

“Can we crash at yours?”

Zayn craned his head to peer over his shoulder, eyebrows knitted together. “Why?”

Liam definitely looked queasy. “Harry mentioned bringing Louis around.”

“ _Oh god!_ ” Zayn cried, throwing a hand over his eyes dramatically. “No, no, no! I love the guy but _no_. He can give me as many details as he wants but I will _not_ be there for the live audio version. Please Liam, mine. Niall’ll have no one around, should be safe.”

Niall, as it turned out, _did_ have someone around – if the extra pair of worn boots by the door and deep murmured voices from his room were anything to go by – but it seemed that he and whoever it was were done for the night, Zayn listening intently for any suspicious noises before giving Liam the all clear. They swapped their clothes for pyjamas and curled up under the covers, Liam throwing a leg over Zayn’s waist and wrapping an arm around his chest almost protectively.

“What time do you need to be up in the morning?” Liam asked, setting the alarm on his phone.

“Think nine?” Zayn offered around a yawn. He then frowned when Liam made the alarm a good half hour earlier. “Excuse me, I said nine. I happen to like sleep.”

“I know,” Liam remarked, poking his cheek. “Any idiot could see that. No I…” his expression turned bashful. “I was more thinking…I want you in me Zayn,” he blurted, Zayn’s eyes widening. “Want…Want you to come in me. Switch it up for once. Want you to top.”

“ _Dammit Liam_ ,” Zayn hissed, pressing their foreheads together. “How am I supposed to sleep knowing that _that’s_ what I’m going to be waking up to?”

Liam’s grin turned feral. “Guess you’ll be raring to go then.”

Zayn’s jaw dropped before he swapped it for a pout. “I hate you.”

“No you don’t.”

Zayn’s pout melted under those brown eyes. “No, I don’t.”

 

***

 

Liam was more than used to seeing Zayn sleep by now. He’d crashed in Liam’s bed many a time and he always slept the same way: like a log. The second Zayn’s head hit the pillow – or any surface for that matter – it was lights out and he wouldn’t so much as stir until his alarm went off. He never kicked or stole the blankets, didn’t snore, just quietly snuffled into his pillow occasionally.

Which was why Liam was so amused by the way Zayn was currently sleeping. Liam had already been awake awhile – had always been an early riser – but he was more than happy to watch as Zayn squirmed on the bed, breathy sounds occasionally escaping and his hips canting down ever so slightly. Oh, and he was hard. Liam had noticed the persistent nudge against his thigh ever since he’d awoken. Apparently Zayn had more than a few ideas as to what they’d get up to in the morning.

The alarm blaring had Zayn groaning, blindly fumbling for the phone before grouchily realising it was Liam’s and passing it over so he could unlock it. Liam did so, tossing it aside and bumping his nose against Zayn’s. “Good morning or…” he said, hand sliding down to cup Zayn through his sleep pants, Zayn sucking in a sharp breath, “should I say: good, _good_ morning.”

Zayn whined, shamelessly rocking into his palm. “Yeah Liam, _please_ babe.” He flipped onto his back, attempting to pull Liam on top of him. “Need you.”

Liam fought him off easily. “No. Other way today, remember? _I_ need _you_.”

Zayn’s eyes fluttered shut at the image, biting his bottom lip to stop a moan escaping. The next second he was straddling Liam’s waist, the movement so quick Liam was caught off guard. He leant up to capture Zayn’s lips but the boy dodged expertly, nose crinkling. “I have not brushed my teeth and I am _not_ sharing this disgusting breath with you. You’ll have to wait.”

“ _Zayn_ …” Liam complained.

He raised an eyebrow. “I can duck to the bathroom if you re-”

“No!” Liam cried, hauling him back when he made to move. At Zayn’s victorious smirk, Liam pinched his cheek. “Alright already, just…please Zayn, please. Want you in me.”

All of Zayn’s teasing vanished at that, looking overwhelmed. “Of course Li’,” he placated, removing Liam’s top so he could kiss his chest, run his tongue over his collarbones. “So gorgeous Liam.” Those sinful lips settled on a nipple, tongue rolling over the bud until it was hard. Liam hissed as Zayn bit down ever so slightly, barely enough to hurt but enough to have his nerves firing. “Gorgeous,” he repeated.

“ _Zayn_ ,” Liam croaked, unable to do more than uselessly paw at Zayn’s back until he got the hint, tossing his own shirt aside.

It didn’t take long for Zayn to finish making his way down Liam’s torso, both their pants being lost somewhere along the line, boxers discarded minutes later. Liam’s breath had hitched and shook as Zayn had squeezed his length, spreading the pre-come with his thumb and working him ever harder. Zayn’s own cock was leaking against his stomach, though Liam didn’t see him give it barely a thought. No, Zayn’s entire focus was on Liam. Liam wondered if this was how Zayn felt when on the receiving end because _God_ , it had never been like this with Harry, _never_.

Liam was brought out of his thoughts by Zayn curling a hand around his hip tenderly, holding up the bottle of lube Liam must have missed him grabbing. “You sure?”

Liam nodded instantly. “I trust you.”

Zayn froze at those words, body give a single great shudder, but Liam knew why. Which, of course, was why he’d said it at all. Because Zayn _needed_ to hear it. Needed to know that trust went both ways.

“Come on Zayn,” he coerced gently, cupping his face and melting when Zayn leant into the touch, eyes falling shut. “Want to show you how much I love you.”

Zayn whimpered. “So perfect Li’. Perfect for me, yeah?”

Liam smiled kindly when Zayn’s eyes opened, the look being the only response he needed. Zayn pressed a kiss to the corner to his mouth – God, so stubborn about his stupid morning breath – before settling between Liam’s legs, fingertips gently running down the inside of his thighs. Liam’s stomach clenched in anticipation, so, so ready to have Zayn inside, a tiny hiccoughing noise escaping when Zayn started to toy with his rim, fingers now dripping with lube.

“’s okay,” he whispered, slowly working a finger inside, letting Liam adjust to the intrusion. “Not gonna hurt you Li’, never would. Gonna make this so good, okay?”

Liam just groaned, head tipping back as a second finger was worked in. “I know. Love you Zed.”

“Love you too.”

Liam didn’t get many words in after that, spent more of his time drowning in sensations as Zayn went from two fingers to three, working and stretching before going so far as to screw in a fourth, Liam powerless to stay quiet every time he brushed over that one spot. And Zayn certainly seemed to know where it was, alternating between lightly flicking over his prostate and massaging it with just the right amount of pressure. Liam was sure that if Zayn didn’t let up soon, he was going to come before he was even inside.

“ _Zee_ …” the pant was a pitiful plea, Zayn looking all too smug.

“You ready?”

“Please.”

Zayn wasted no time rolling the condom onto his aching cock and lining up. Liam whined involuntarily as the head met resistance, Zayn peppering the inside of his knee with kisses until his eyes were no longer stinging with unshed tears. Then Zayn was pushing in, inch by inch, and Liam couldn’t keep quiet because god. Good, it felt _good_ , felt so, so good. There needed to be a new word for this, for how it felt to have Zayn in him, like sliding in the final piece of a puzzle, completely the masterpiece.

“Fuck…”

Zayn actually laughed, hands cupping his face lovingly. “Li’, babe, is it that good?”

Liam didn’t even care that he was teasing, could only nod blindly. “Nothing compares Zayn.”

Zayn thumbed his cheek. “Yeah, I know what you mean. You…there aren’t even words Li’. This is always what it feels like to me.” He then rocked his hips up, Liam arching along with him. “And fuck, if _this_ is what it feels like for _you_ …”

“Move Zayn,” Liam begged. He’d had a taste of what that felt like and he needed more right now.

Zayn seemed to agree, pulling out before pushing back in. There was the slightest of burns but Liam barely noticed. His hips rocked up to meet Zayn’s thrusts, their rhythms becoming synchronised and then Zayn hit that one spot and Liam saw stars. Zayn’s name was ripped from his throat, eyes rolling back in pleasure. That was also, naturally, when Zayn wrapped a hand around his cock, jerking in time and Liam stood no chance. He barely had time to stammer out Zayn’s name before he was coming, eyes clouding over at the edges. Zayn followed him to the edge, palms firmly planted on his chest as he came, whole body quivering.

“Jesus Zayn,” Liam murmured, kissing every part of him he could reach. “That was… _You’re_ incredible.”

Zayn smiled lazily, oh so innocent before scooping the come off Liam’s chest with his fingers and popping them into his mouth.

“Oh god,” Liam whimpered, waiting for Zayn to pull out before shoving him to his feet. “Get into that bathroom and brush your teeth now because I am dying to kiss you.”

Zayn giggled but led the way.

 

***

 

Emerging from the shower sometime later, Zayn was dressed and ready for work as he made his way down to the kitchen. Liam was still shaving but he was sure to join soon, having to duck home to pick up his work uniform. The delicious smells coming from the kitchen told Zayn Niall was making breakfast, though he came up a little short when he found Niall to be sitting on the bench while a man with ginger hair was slaving over the stove.

He must have made some sort of sound because Niall’s head whipped around, grin manic when he saw him. “So judging from them noises you and Liam are back on?”

Zayn flushed scarlet, especially when Niall’s “friend” snorted in amusement. “Yeah, we are,” he mumbled, switching on the kettle before jumping up next to Niall. “Anything you want to add to the subject?”

Niall shook his head, though an arm slung around his shoulders. “No. I think you and Liam are a perfect match. He won’t let you down again, I’m sure of it.” Niall’s face then turned hard, like stone. “But if he does anything like that again, I will fuck him over and _nothing_ you say will be able to stop me.”

Zayn held up his hands. “Chill mate. No need to call all mafia on me.”

“Think it’s IRA, actually,” the other man in the room put in, Niall actually suddenly seeming to remember he was there.

“Right, Zayn this is Ed. Ed, Zayn.”

Ed held out a hand, Zayn leaning forward to shake it. He then grinned at the plethora of tattoos. He shot a not so subtle look at Niall, who had the grace to look some hybrid of indignant and sheepish. “So how to do you know Niall?” Zayn asked casually. “I mean, he’s already got you cooking for him.”

“Maybe I’m so amazing in bed he couldn’t help himself!” Niall proclaimed.

Ed laughed loudly, flicking Niall’s ear. “Amazing, yes. So amazing, questionable.” Zayn roared with laughter while Niall kicked his feet petulantly. “But I offered to cook. And as for how we met, I do the pub circuit and have ended up in this one’s-” he jerked a thumb in Niall’s direction, “-more than once.”

“A musician huh?” Zayn drawled, elbowing Niall in the ribs. This guy was Niall’s type to a “t”.

“Shut _up_ ,” Niall growled, endlessly relieved when Liam chose that moment to walk in. “Liam!”

Liam returning Niall’s greeting, introducing himself to Ed before settling between Zayn’s legs. Zayn squeezed his sides with his knees, chin propped over Liam’s shoulder. “You smell good,” he mumbled.

“It’s _your_ bodywash,” Liam chuckled, massaging his calves.

Zayn harrumphed. “Well, it smells nice on you anyway.”

“Ugh, I’m gonna be sick,” Niall griped, fake gagging into the sink.

“Piss off, they’re sweet,” Ed argued.

Niall scrunched up his nose. “It’s not _you_ what has to live with them.”

“It wasn’t _me_ getting off to their sex noises half an hour ago.”

_“Niall!”_

_“Ed!”_

Ed merely shrugged, grin cheeky. “Hey, I’m no liar.”

“Did you seriously jack off to us?” Zayn demanded, causing both Liam and Niall to groan.

“Zayn, please,” Liam implored.

“No, I wanna know. Niall?”

“Look, you already know you’re hot and, fuck, you sound fucking pornographic mate. Anyone would pop a semi at hearing you,” Niall said miserably.

“Not my best mates!” Zayn screeched.

Niall bit back a laugh. “Fifty quid Louis would get off to you getting it on!”

“Don’t even try and weasel your way out of this Horan,” Zayn chastised, knocking him off the benchtop and nearly sending him careening into Ed. He felt bad about that; mildly.

But Ed caught him easily enough, propping Niall upright and kissing the tip of his nose before flipping the stove off. “Right you lot, leave the sex in the bedroom and come eat. We’ve all got places to be.”

So they did, the four of them crowding around the dining table, a veritable smorgasbord of food laid out before them. Zayn discovered he liked Ed a lot, found the guy to be funny yet casual and grounded all at the same time. He realised he liked Liam kissing him goodbye, an “I love you” passing his lips as they parted ways. Zayn also found out that Niall had no sense of tact, had all but yanked Louis into the salon to demand if he would ever wank off to Zayn.

Needless to say, Zayn was less than happy with the answer. Fuckers. His best mates were fuckers.

 

***

 

“Don’, they don’t _want_ me home. Christmas wasn’t too fun,” Zayn said into the phone, balancing it between his ear and shoulder as he packed the last of his groceries.

“ _Zayn, stop being so dramatic_ ,” his sister chided. “ _All they did was ask if you’d changed jobs or if you were thinking about going to uni – people do that at all ages now! And whatever you might think, they always want to see you.”_

Zayn bit back a remark at that. “Fine. But they don’t want to see me as much as they want to see _you_.”

“ _You are so stubborn!_ ” Doniya exclaimed. “ _Alright, we all know you didn’t pick the path they expected and yes, being gay threw them but Zayn, they’re_ Mum and Dad _. They_ love _you.”_

Zayn didn’t like the way his heart gave a single weak pound at that. “Don’…”

_“You said you’d come home for your birthday but you merged that with Christmas and so help me if you don’t come to mine…”_

Her obvious pout made him grin despite himself. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he swore. He kicked a rock down the street, groceries swinging in his arms. “And, uh, what are your thoughts on a plus one?”

He actually _heard_ Doniya fly into a sitting position. “ _Zayn Javadd, is there a_ boy? _”_

Zayn couldn’t help the way his eyes scrunched up in delight. “There’s a boy.”

_“Oh my god! Who is he? How long? Why haven’t I heard of him sooner?”_

“Because you’re like this,” Zayn deadpanned, coming to a stop at the corner of his street and dropping everything as he leant against the nearest fence, a cigarette appearing in his mouth. “His name’s Liam. He’s…He’s amazing Don’.”

_“I don’t doubt it. You sound infatuated.”_

“Ugh, gross. The _worst_ word you could have picked.”

“ _Not going to stop me meeting him_ ,” Doniya sang cheerfully.

“I know, I know,” he grumbled. “Anyway, I better get off. Talk to you again soon, okay?”

_“You better!”_

Hanging up, Zayn lit his cigarette, taking a long drag before blowing the smoke up into the air. There was a noise from his left, Zayn tensing up at the figure that was walking down his street. It wasn’t so late and there was nothing to indicate this guy was shady but that didn’t mean Zayn liked strangers approaching him when he was alone in the dead of night. Even less so when he realised who the stranger was. No, not a stranger. Not even close.

“Adrien.”

“Hi Zayner,” Adrien cooed, Zayn flinching at the nickname and the tone.

“What do you want?” he asked coldly.

Adrien’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t have to be so rude.”

Zayn chuckled mirthlessly. “Of course not. I should have nothing but undying respect for you, right? The guy who shanked me over. The guy who threw me away so he could go live the perfect life with his girlfriend.” Zayn sneered. “How’s that working out for you?”

The next thing Zayn knew, he was pinned to the wall, head ringing from where his skull had smacked into the bricks. He let out a gasp of pain, scrabbling to get Adrien’s hands out of his collar but it was no use. “Like you don’t know,” the man snarled. “Like you didn’t fucking tell her.”

Zayn frowned, utterly lost. “Tell her _what?_ And why the fuck am _I_ talking to Sarah?” He regretted those words when he was smashed into the wall once more.

“You tell me Malik! All I know is she comes back from your shitty salon, harping on about how you used to sleep with me. You tell me Zayn, who would she have heard that from?!”

“I don’t know,” Zayn ground out, because it was true. He had no idea. “I haven’t seen her since that day, I swear!”

_“Liar!”_

Zayn cried out at the fist that connected with his jaw. “ _Fuck off!”_ Because yes, he was angry now. “You and your fucking girlfriend can do whatever the hell you want, got it? I don’t give a flying fuck what you do! I’m not that petty. I moved on. I’m over you.”

“You…” Adrien’s grip loosened ever so slightly. He then grinned wickedly, Zayn tensing. “You got yourself a new boytoy?”

“He’s not a _toy_ ,” Zayn spat. “Liam means more to me than you could ever hope to.”

“Oh really?” The next thing Zayn knew, Adrien had his phone, unlocking it with the passcode Zayn had never thought to change, never felt the need to. The phone was to his ear, Zayn pushing against the hold but his build was nothing compared to Adrien’s, couldn’t even come close. “This Liam?”

“ _You leave him the fuck alone!”_ Zayn screamed, distinctly hearing Liam’s panicked yell on the other end of the line.

“Oh, me? This is Adrien.” The other man’s eyebrows rose. “So Zayner _has_ mentioned me, how cute…No, I’ve got him here…So let me tell you how this is going to go: your boyfriend fucked up my relationship so I’m gonna fuck yours up. Tell me Liam, would you still want him if he was _damaged goods?_ ”

Zayn froze, ice pouring into his veins. No, he couldn’t…he wouldn’t…But from the look on Adrien’s face, he _would_. “No, _please_ ,” Zayn whimpered, Adrien’s eyes flashing in satisfaction as he hung up, Liam’s voice abruptly cutting off. “Don’t do this.”

“Funny,” Adrien remarked, pinning his arms above his head and pressing a thigh between Zayn’s legs. “You used to love this.”

“That wasn’t rape,” Zayn argued, twisting sharply in an attempt to break free.

“This isn’t rape, it’s a little bit of fun.”

“It’s fucking _non-consensual_ ,” Zayn pointed out. “That makes it rape. Unless it’s a “yes”, it’s rape.”

Adrien rolled his eyes, teeth sinking into the juncture of Zayn’s neck. “You sound like a pathetic poster in a girl’s loo. You’ll enjoy it soon enough. And,” he added with a shrug, pulling away purely to take in Zayn’s terrified features, “Even if not, _I_ will.”

_“Not on your fucking life.”_

Zayn had never been so happy to hear Niall’s voice. The hands on his collar were suddenly gone, Niall ripping them away even as Louis was landing a punch square on Adrien’s face. Knees giving out, Zayn sank to the ground, only able to watch as Niall and Louis laid into his ex. They were so mad, _enraged_. Zayn was in some sick sort of awe. But eventually, eventually,

“Lou’, Ni’, he’s had enough.”

His quiet voice had them stopping, Adrien stumbling away as fast as he could. Niall and Louis were by his side in seconds, trapping him between them and then Zayn was crying, great heaving sobs that left his throat raw.

“It’s alright Zee,” Niall crooned, fingers running through his hair. “We got you, we got you.”

“So fucking lucky,” Zayn gasped out.

“Yeah, thank Liam,” Louis told him, nose bumping Zayn’s temple. “’Cause we kinda thought we heard you shouting but, like, you don’t so we left it. Then Liam called all beside himself, told us what was happening and we realised, yeah, you _had_ been shouting.”

“Flew down that street mate,” Niall concurred.

Zayn hiccoughed, wrapping an arm around Niall while burying his face in Louis’ chest. “Want Liam,” he sniffed. “Want him so bad.”

“We’ll get him,” Niall promised, Louis already on the phone.

“Li?...yeah, we got him…he…he needs you.”

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> of course Ed's back ;) Anyone who knows me knows that, Ziam are back to having sex, and possibly my first (maybe second?) ever cliff-hanger. Let me know what you thought - hope to update again soon! .xx Dan


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the love and support regarding the previous chapter. Hopefully you enjoy how this one wraps things up! :) .xx

 

Liam wasn’t one to splash out on a cab but damned if he was going to walk to Zayn’s after the phone call he’d just received. Hearing that sneering voice over the phone, the things being implied, Liam had been beside himself in panic. He’d rung Niall in the hope that, as Zayn’s roommate, he might have had even an idea where he was. By some miracle Louis had been there too, both of them waiting for Zayn before having a movie night. The words had barely left Liam’s mouth before he’d heard swearing and he’d been abruptly hung up on for the second time. Them calling back minutes later had left him weak at the knees, especially when they’d told him he was safe; Zayn was _fine_.

Paying the driver, Liam sprinted into Zayn’s apartment building, taking the stairs two at a time before arriving at a door which was already propped open, waiting for him. He didn’t even bother with his shoes, just bee-lined for the living room where, on the sofa,

_“Zayn.”_

Zayn scrambled out of Niall’s lap, actually flinging himself into Liam’s arms, legs around his waist and all. Liam nearly dropped him, so unexpected was the action, but he quickly steadied them both, shushing his boyfriend and murmuring sweet nothings into his ear.

“Baby, you’re alright, you’re alright. I’m so glad you are, was fucking terrified.”

“Me too,” Zayn confessed, hands fisted in the back of his shirt. “You saved me Li’. Owe you so much.”

Liam tutted. “That’s no-”

“We do,” Louis interrupted, shaking his head at Liam. “It was _you_ that called us. Without you…” he trailed off. “Look, just take the thanks, you deserve it.”

Liam nodded concisely, manoeuvring back to the couch and smiling at Niall and Louis when they accommodated him. Louis spread a hand on Zayn’s back while Niall gently scratched at his scalp.

“Can you tell me what happened?” Liam asked, bumping Zayn with his nose. “You don’t have to just…if you want to.”

Zayn hesitated before nodding, pulling back because they all deserved an explanation. “I don’t know what happened. Like, I fucking don’t. He was just _there_. And he was so mad at me.”

Louis’ forehead creased. “At you? Why? Zayn, _he_ broke up with _you_. And over a year ago,” he pointed. “Why suddenly bring that up?”

“He said Zayn ruined his relationship,” Liam recalled, earning a puzzled look from Louis.

“More like _he_ ruined Zayn’s,” Niall scoffed, arms folding stiffly. “He’s got nerve.”

“No, he…” Zayn frowned at his lap. “Adrien said that _I_ told Sarah he was cheating on her with me. That she came to the salon and that I-”

_“Oh fuck no.”_

The hoarse whisper came from Niall, who was now the most alarming shade of grey.

“Niall?” Louis called worriedly.

“I did,” Niall gasped, hands fisting in his hair. “Fuck, I…I didn’t know!” he said desperately, eyes wide. “I didn’t know it were her, I swear!”

“Niall, easy,” Zayn said sharply, snapping a hand around his wrist. “Ni’, I know you wouldn’t. Not even to get back at him. You’re not that petty. It was a mistake, yeah?”

Niall nodded hurriedly. “She came in, this girl. And she was going on about boys because what else do women in a salon full of other women and gay men go on about?” They all managed a chuckle there. “But she said she’d heard her boyfriend had been caught cheating a while ago, said his name were Adrien. And I said, oh, all Adrien’s must be alike then ‘cause Zayn here was cheated on by an Adrien too, with some girl called Sarah.”

“Oh no,” Zayn groaned, eyes sinking shut. “She put two and two together, probably asked if Adrien had ever known a Zayn.”

“And there aren’t exactly a lot of Zayns around,” Liam mused.

Niall still looked horribly guilty. “I remember her going quiet at the time but I didn’t know why. Now I… _Fuck!_ I can’t believe-!” Niall abruptly got to his feet, flipping the coffee table.

 _“Niall!”_ Louis yelled, shocked.

Zayn, on the other hand, wasn’t.

 _“No Louis!”_ he screamed, hands balled into fists and looking seconds away from punching something. “ _I_ did this! This is _my_ _fucking fault_ and don’t you _dare_ try and stop me-”

“Niall James Horan.”

Niall came to an abrupt halt, Liam stunned as he seemed to cower under Zayn’s gaze alone. He’d never known Niall had such a short fuse, could be so explosive, but there was something in Zayn’s eyes that showed he did.

“Zayn, I-”

“Go and find Ed.” Niall blinked at the order. “ _Go_ ,” Zayn repeated. “Find him and let him fuck this out of you if you have to. You need to _calm down_.”

Niall wavered before nodding curtly, briskly making for the door. Just as he reached the doorway though, Zayn called after him,

“I don’t blame you Ni’. Not now, not ever. Love you.”

Niall gave one loud sob before dashing off, Liam exchanging a loaded look with Louis. “What the hell was that Malik?” Louis demanded even as he set about righting the coffee table.

Zayn merely shrugged. “Niall has some anger issues. Think it came from him and his brother being beaten up a lot as kids.” He tapped his chin in thought. “I think…there were gangs or something? In their neighbourhood? Whichever way, they got laid into a lot and it…well, Niall’s fiery passion is sometimes more fire than passion, if you get what I mean.”

“How did I not know this?” Louis wondered, shaking his head.

Zayn pulled him back to the couch. “He doesn’t mention it. Just like he doesn’t mention his criminal record which -… _ah!_ ” he held up a finger when Louis went to interrupt, Liam’s head too busy swimming to speak, “-which I know _exists_ but he has never breathed a word about what’s on it. Better to leave the past in the past, I think. Niall’s not that person anymore.”

“Now his tattoos seem extra stereotypical,” Liam murmured, making Zayn laugh.

“They do a bit but nah, ninety-eight percent of the time, he’s got a handle on himself. He’s our Nialler.”

“And he always will be,” Louis tacked on, knowing Zayn was waiting for him to say it. He then gave them a nod. “I’ll leave you two alone. Take care Zee.”

Zayn nodded, letting Louis see himself out before curling into Liam’s chest with a deep sigh. Liam drew him in closer, thumbing his shoulder. “You okay though? Like, properly?”

“Still feel a little in shock if I’m honest,” Zayn admitted, tracing absent patterns on his chest. “But…I _feel_ like I’m fine? I know Adrien won’t come back, he’s not…I’m confident he was acting spur of the moment. If I hadn’t been where I’d been, he wouldn’t have come after me. Despite everything, he’s not like that.” Zayn waved a hand. “Wrong place, wrong time. I just…think I’m rattled.”

“Think you have every right to be,” Liam told him, kissing the delicate skin behind his ear. “Anything I can do?”

Zayn stiffened but his mouth clamped right shut.

“ _Zayn_ ,” Liam warned.

Zayn ducked away from his gaze. “You wouldn’t…you won’t like it.”

Liam tilted his chin up. “Don’t speak for me,” he said quietly. “Tell me, talk to me. What do you need?”

“…I need you to tie me up.”

Liam’s grip on Zayn tightened without thought. “Okay. But can you tell me _why?_ ” Because he needed to know, needed to get inside that head.

Zayn drew his bottom lip between his teeth, seemingly contemplating before taking a deep breath, “Because I feel out of control right now. And the way I break that, that feeling of helplessness, is to give the control to someone – to _you_. I need to surrender it to you, to…to push but not break.”

Liam understood in an instant. “This is about trust.”

Zayn nodded almost meekly.

“Zayn,” he sighed, the other boy whipping up at his somewhat dejected tone. “You…you don’t have to be scared to tell me these things. I _want_ to hear them. I want to _understand_ you. That’s what love is. It takes as many forms as it needs to.”

Zayn’s fingers interlaced with his. “Then…can it take this one?”

Liam didn’t answer, preferring to scoop Zayn up and lay him on his bed, snagging a scarf from where it had haphazardly been thrown onto the window ledge. Zayn shivered with anticipation, Liam coming to crowd over him, cage him in. “Yes, because it’s what you need.”

 

***

 

“No way,” Zayn laughed, bumping Liam’s shoulder with his own gently. “There’s no way you’d ever be Batman. Bruce Wayne is too broody for you.”

Liam turned indignant. “Alright then Zed, who would I be?”

“Captain America,” he said without delay, poking his tongue out even as he slipped his hand into Liam’s, swinging it between them. “Truth, justice, and the American way!”

Liam bopped him on the head playfully. “Does that make you Bucky? Because I was gonna peg you as Hawkeye, like as he is in the comics right?, but now…”

“I am _so_ Bucky,” Zayn crowed, clucking his tongue as they reached the salon once more, back from Zayn’s break. “Thanks for walking me back.”

“Thanks for coming to lunch,” Liam replied in turn, pressing their lips together chastely. “I’m not off til eleven so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Zayn nodded, mouth open but flinching involuntarily when Anna’s voice came from behind them. “Zayn Malik you are late! I won’t accept slacking so don’t think I won’t have you sorting through today’s delivery when you’re done with your clients!”

Zayn hunkered down, meekly waving at Liam before making for his station. He thought the whole Christmas gift him and Niall had done would have swayed her somewhat but apparently not. He was halfway back towards his station when he heard Anna from behind him,

“Was he with _you?_ Did I just see him with you?”

Zayn whipped around, eyes flashing when he saw Anna staring down Liam but one look from Liam had him stilling. “Yes, you did,” Liam answered calmly.

“I told you to stay away from him,” Anna snapped, vicious. “You broke his heart.”

“And we fixed it together. There was a _lot_ we didn’t talk about but now that we have…We’re _better_.”

Zayn’s heart swelled with pride. Anna, however, was unimpressed. “That doesn’t take away from what you did. Zayn is a wonderful man and my best worker. I won’t have you treat him as anything but.”

“Then maybe you should tell him that,” Liam’s voice was like ice, Zayn freezing in horror. “Because as much as you claim to respect him, he’s half terrified out of his mind of you. He often works six days a week to cover you, stays back nearly every day _without_ overtime, and every little thing he does wrong gets him punishment.” Liam shook his head incredulously. “I mean, you just slapped him with delivery duty because he’s back from lunch _five minutes_ late when I know he started more than a half hour early this morning!”

“L-Liam!” Zayn stammered, bolting forward and attempting to push him out of the store even as his ears burned crimson. “Are you trying to get me fired? I like my job. _Fuck_ , I _need_ my job.”

“I _know_ ,” Liam insisted, “But…”

“No buts!” Zayn hissed, “Just-”

“No.”

The single word from Anna had them both whirling around, Zayn so, so prepared to get let go on the spot, to be told to grab his things and never come back. Anna was eyeing up Liam intently, raising an eyebrow when he made no move to back down. Her gaze then slid to Zayn, Zayn meeting it resolutely for as long as he dared before choosing to glare at the wall. His boss sighed.

“That alone proves his point,” she said, throwing a hand in the air. “You should not be scared to come to work. I put the fear of God in you so you’d listen, but it’s been a long time since you haven’t. I should say it to you at least once Zayn: I am lucky to have you. You are extremely talented, both as a hairdresser and a teacher. Niall is a better protégé than any of mine have been.”

Zayn was pretty sure his jaw was on the ground.

“And how long have you been working here now?”

“Uh…” Zayn fumbled over the mental calculation. “Over three and a half years?”

“And did you get a pay rise entering your third year?”

“No?” It came out more of a question.

“Then let’s deal with that then too.” Anna sent Liam one last look, Zayn rendered speechless. “Don’t think this is any way makes me like you any more.”

“But it _does_ make you _respect_ me a little more,” Liam quipped, Zayn squawking and Anna scowling.

“Zayn, please get better taste in men,” she requested, striding away. “And your client is waiting!”

Zayn shared one last look with Liam. “If I’m dreaming, please don’t wake me up.”

 

***

 

Liam’s class, along with Harry’s, were set to graduate at the end of June and yet even though it was March, Liam was fussing over job offers, trying to find out where he could take placement. He was also acutely aware of Zayn paying attention to everything he did while pretending not to. He was holed up on the sofa next to him, nose buried in a book, but Liam saw him glancing over every so often.

He was about to pry into why when the front door was abruptly slammed open, causing Liam to whip around and Niall to poke his head out of his room. Zayn, by comparison, barely bat an eyelid. “Yes Louis?”

“It’s not me, it’s Harry!” Louis wailed, flopping into the armchair opposite Zayn and folding his arms with a pout.

“No, it’s Louis!” Harry argued, flouncing into the room and mirroring Louis’ pout perfectly. “He’s refusing to let go of his masculine prison!”

Zayn raised an eyebrow just as Louis cried, “You want to paint my nails Styles!”

_“And?”_

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Niall groaned, hooking his arm through Harry’s and dragging him to the coffee table. “Here, do mine. I don’t give two shites.”

“Yeah me neither,” Zayn drawled, Liam watching him slide to the floor with a smile, hands outstretched.

Harry brightened at that, sitting opposite them and dumping the contents of his knapsack onto the table. Louis was squirming uncomfortably in guilt. “It’s not…”

Harry sent him a sharp look. “It is what it is.”

Liam winced at the mockery there. The relief came in the form of Zayn, sending an apologetic look to Louis before quietly saying, “It’s because he has a job interview tomorrow and he wants to present the best image he can.” Harry’s mouth dropped open, Zayn pretending not to notice and continuing to pick through the various shades of nail polish. “He hasn’t told you because it’s an actual nursing job at an actual hospital and he’s scared shitless he won’t get it so he’d prefer not to get your hopes up so that when he fails-”

“He won’t fail,” Harry snarled, immediately defensive.

Zayn’s hand came to rest on Harry’s arm. “You don’t know that. And that reaction, the one you just gave, is the one Louis’ scared of. He wants you to support him and encourage him but…”

“Be realistic,” Louis finished glumly, picking at his jeans. “There’s…A lot of people are going for this position Haz. I might not get it. I’m okay with that. Really.”

Liam didn’t think he sounded okay with it. Neither did Harry, judging from his face.

“I just…I didn’t want to disappoint anyone other than me.”

Louis looked on the verge of tears and Harry was awkwardly jumping the coffee table, bundling Louis in his arms. “Boo, don’t cry. Shit, you’re, like, fine. Okay, maybe you won’t get it and it’ll hurt and maybe you will but I’ll still love you either way. Sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me this.”

“Nah, it’s me what’s sorry,” Louis murmured, looping his arms around Harry’s back and nuzzling his cheek. “I know you’re Mr. Sunshine but I also know you get life, you know how the world works. Should have told you.”

“Yes you should have,” Harry said primly, Liam snorting out a laugh. Harry sent him a wink before kissing Louis quickly. He was then back between Niall and Zayn, fossicking through the bottles. “I’m thinking like a blue to match Niall’s eyes-”

“Won’t that clash with my hair?” Niall interjected, gesturing to his iron-grey hair.

“Nope,” Harry chirped, selecting a striking blue before eyeing Zayn up. “And maybe a plum colour for you, to match your skin?”

“Do your worst,” Zayn agreed flippantly, holding out a hand while craning back to glance at Liam’s laptop screen.

Liam snapped it shut, Zayn blinking in surprise. “Would you like to ask something Zed?” Liam asked pointedly.

Zayn flushed. “I just…I was curious as to where you were looking for jobs is all.”

Liam paused, confused. “Well, around here of course.”

“But you live in _student housing_ ,” Zayn pressed.

“And?”

“Liam, your boyfriend would like you to say something along the lines of, “I have nowhere to live. Oh please Zayn, love of my life, can I live with you?”” Louis declared theatrically.

Zayn gaped at his best friend but didn’t contradict him, much to Liam’s surprise. Making sure Harry was occupied with Niall’s nails, Liam gently guided Zayn’s head around by the chin. “Is that true?”

“Um…maybe?”

“Then why didn’t you just say so?” Liam asked, dumbfounded.

“Because Zayn never takes the first step,” Niall told him dryly. “Never. Like, not once. And he’s shit at signals too…although you probably already found that out.”

“I don’t like imposing!” Zayn huffed, looking like a cornered animal. “I never know what’s too much to ask or if I’m misreading signs…”

“Then just _ask_.”

Liam burst out laughing as the exact same words came out of Louis, Niall, _and_ Harry’s mouths at the exact same time, coupled with rolled eyes and exasperated looks. Zayn’s bottom lip jutted out.

“ _Fine_ ,” he grouched, finding Liam’s eyes and holding his gaze. “ _Leeyum_ , when you get evicted from your student house, would you like to live here? Here, with me, in my room?”

There wasn’t a doubt in Liam’s mind. “Of course.”

 

***

 

“You _promised!_ ”

“You made it sound like it was going to be so much worse than that!”

“I didn’t _know_ what it was going to be like! I’ve never brought a boy home before!”

“Neither have I.”

“Yes, but _you’re_ not the family disappointment.”

“Oh Zayn…”

Liam relented, releasing his grip of Zayn’s wrists in favour of pulling him in instead. Zayn sniffed loudly into his neck, shoulders shaking. As a graduation celebration, Liam and Zayn had decided to go on a roadtrip around the United Kingdom. They’d already stopped by Liam’s, Geoff and Karen welcoming Zayn with open arms. Liam had been embarrassed when his mum had pulled him aside and told him in no uncertain terms that he looked far happier with Zayn than he ever had with Danielle. Liam could only agree.

Zayn’s parents though…They weren’t mean, was the thing. They were never rude to Zayn, never made any cutting comments about Liam, but it was there in the little things. Like in the way they asked Liam question after question about his university degree, about his plans for the future, what jobs he was lined up for. And how Zayn, by comparison, was asked if he felt the urge to go back and study, if he was looking into getting a “real” job – not their words but hell if it wasn’t implied. It was crushing to watch Zayn go through that and not be able to do anything because these were Zayn’s _parents_ and they’d only _just met_. And to think, Zayn went through that every time he went home.

Liam also understood now why Zayn had chosen to book a hotel rather than stay at his home like Liam had.

“Why can’t they be happy with me?” Zayn croaked, not crying but so very near. “I _like_ my life. I get by.”

“You do more than that,” Liam told him firmly. “You may not work nine-to-five but you make just as much and, seriously Zayn, you’re a lot happier. You wouldn’t work behind a desk; I don’t think you’re _meant_ to. You’re meant to do whatever it is in life that makes you happy.” Liam pressed their foreheads together, capturing Zayn’s lips sweetly. “You’re _doing_ that. At the end of the day, that’s all that matters.”

“Does that mean I can do you, since _you_ make me happy?” Zayn asked coyly, grin feral.

“You little shit,” Liam growled playfully, making Zayn squeal as he tickled his ribs. “When do you _not_ have your mind in the gutter?”

“Never!” Zayn trilled, twisting away and diving for the safety of the bed.

Liam watched him with smile, fondness filling his chest. He felt like here, now, _this_ Zayn, this was the real one. Strip away every persona and cover, every mask and security measure, and this would be the Zayn you were left with. He felt _natural_ ; Liam didn’t have another way to describe it.

Zayn seemed to notice his staring, blinking up at him owlishly. “What?”

“Nothing,” Liam replied, bending down to kiss Zayn’s forehead. “Just…I love you.”

Zayn turned a delicate shade of pink before tweaking a nipple through his shirt, making Liam jerk back. “Still not getting out of it.”

“I wasn’t trying to,” Liam said with a roll of his eyes. “And alright, go and get your bloody gear.”

Zayn smirked, flying off the bed and hoisting his rucksack over his shoulder, leading Liam to the bathroom. A good hour and a half later they flopped back into bed, only now Liam was sporting a head of bright blue hair; Zayn taking the mickey out of their first meeting and only agreeing to go home _at all_ if Liam let him dye his hair. Liam had finally given in and now looked like some horrible ocean reject.

“Stop fussing with it,” Zayn scolded, body being jostled every time Liam moved on account of his head being on Liam’s shoulder. “It looks _fine_.”

“It does _not_ ,” Liam snorted, catching Zayn’s smug look in his peripheral vision. “And you had to pick blue, didn’t you? Don’t think I don’t remember you saying blue never comes out. I’m going to be green Zayn, green!”

Zayn ran a hand through his hair placatingly. “I’ll shave it off before you have to start work, don’t worry.”

“Thought you didn’t like my buzzcut?”

“It grew on me,” Zayn admitted sourly. “You pull it off.”

Liam hummed, not really bothered if he was honest. They continued to watch the tv in silence, Zayn creeping closer and closer until he was all but in Liam’s lap. Liam didn’t dissuade him either, just kept pulling him in that little bit more. His fingers traced over the ink on Zayn’s arms, occasionally stopping to admire the work Zayn had done on his own arm – a series of clockwork gears and a bold lion, a throwback to his family crest. The act had seemed so intimate, so permanent, both of them seeming to understand the sheer reverence of the actions.

“Li’?”

Liam jumped at his boyfriend’s voice. “Hey there, thought you were asleep.”

“Not quite,” Zayn said, smile sluggish like he wasn’t far off. “But you’re doing it again. Like, thinking extra hard. What’s going on in your head?”

Liam scratched at his neck sheepishly. “You’ll just laugh.”

Zayn’s eyebrows knitted together even as he drew himself up into a sitting position. “No I won’t. What is it?”

“Just…” Liam took him in completely, eyes raking from his socked feet all the way to the top of his rose gold hair – apparently “rose gold” was a colour? Zayn and Niall had both been scandalised when Liam had called it pinky-gold-…ish. “Just thinking about us. How lucky I am to have this. How happy this,” he pointed between them, “has made me.”

Zayn swallowed thickly. “R-really?”

He laid a hand on his heart. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Please don’t,” Zayn requested simply, casually reaching back to turn off the tv with the remote before straddling Liam’s lap. “Turns out I’m not tired anymore. Help me fix that?”

Liam just laughed.

 

***

 

Their last stop on the way home had been Lyme Regis. The beach had been miraculously clear when they’d arrived, Zayn chalking it up to the fact that it had been raining all morning and the sun had only just burst through the clouds. He and Liam had meandered through beautiful flower gardens hand-in-hand before stepping onto the shoreline. The waves lapped at their feet, Liam tossing their shoes into his backpack and both of them rolling up the cuffs of their jeans. Despite the lack of the footwear, they’d climbed various rocky outcrops, gently jostling each other in races to the top and jumping down from different heights into the cool sand below.

“You know,” Zayn started, watching as Liam landed and turned to face him, patiently waiting for him to go on. “I was kinda cut when you never called the salon after that first visit. Like, when you never tried to get my name.”

Liam held out a hand, helping him slide down. “Well…I _do_ remember mentioning something about Harry getting me blind drunk for days at a time.” Zayn cackled shamelessly. “And I’ll confess that I barely knew what colour you’d dyed Harry’s hair until we left; was too busy looking at you.”

Zayn’s eyes crinkled shut as he grinned broadly. “That makes two of us because I’m pretty sure I didn’t look at Harry for more than a second…and he was my client!” He pasted a thoughtful look on his face. “Thinking back, did I mean to make him purple?”

“Oh hush,” Liam drawled, tugging him through the sand. “You weren’t that bad. You knew exactly what you were doing.”

“Maybe I did,” Zayn agreed, “But that didn’t mean I wasn’t paying most of my attention to you.”

“I still can’t believe you lied about Louis working there!”

“It was his own fault for fawning so badly after your best friend!” Zayn shot back lightly. “He was _so_ gone. It was pathetic. Pitiful even.”

“…he may also have been part of the reason Harry came back,” Liam told him conspiratorially.

Zayn clucked his tongue. “I knew it! But it all worked out in the end; they’re happy and together and they work.”

“They really do,” Liam agreed.

Zayn let him walk a step or two more before… “Hey Li’? Why…why didn’t you come back? To, you know, talk to me?”

Liam smiled sadly at his tone, cupping his face in his hands. “Because I couldn’t understand why a guy like you would be interested in a guy like me.”

The last traces of Zayn’s doubt vanished in an instant, cheesy smile returning once more. “Well tell that guy he’s an idiot because this guy,” he jerked a thumb at himself, “happens to like you a whole lot. In fact, he may even love you.”

“Oh really?” Liam niggled, hooking his fingers through Zayn’s belt loops and dragging him closer. “And will he still love me when I’m old and beautiful?”

Zayn made a condescending sound. “Please. I’m going to die young, stay pretty.”

Liam shook his head. “No, you’ll grow old and grey with me.”

Heart swelling, Zayn pressed their lips together sweetly. “Watch out, maybe I will.”

 

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it, another fic done! In case you're wondering Louis _did_ get the nursing job ;) Thanks to everyone who read this, left kudos and comments, your support has been great. Much love, .xx Dan


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